He’s Rich, She’s Hot! So What? – Beyond Appearances Towards Real Love

It’s the stereotypical trade – sex objects for success objects. Attractive women (or men) for wealthy men (or women). This barter of status (looks and wealth) is ancient and deeply ingrained in the human psyche. And, it is pitched to us as the ideal over and over again in the media (television, movies, magazines). Yet, as many wealthy and beautiful people know who have entered into this bargain (I once did it myself in my youth), it doesn’t lead to love or happiness. So, why do we keep valuing this superficial approach that in truth has nothing to do with love? In fact, when we approach people in this superfical manner, we almost guarantee that real love will elude us in the process.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with being physically appealing or having lots of money. Beauty can inspire. Wealth can be used to accomplish great good. But, those with beauty and wealth know too well the chronic heartbreak that happens when people desire you only for your externals. It could even be said that those with extreme beauty or wealth have more difficulty finding real love than others do. Because they tend to be pursued more for their external value, they must have and apply more rigorous discernment to be sure they are being loved for who they truly are as persons.

And, to do so they must (as we all must) be willing to drop the focus on external qualities a person has, and shift more towards desiring the internal qualities a person posessess that can lead us to a truly joyful, happy, loved, and loving life. I am reminded for example of a dating service I am aware of (there are plenty like the one I know), that is set up primarily to accomplish the looks for wealth trade amongst potential partners. I am also reminded of my own early years where I mistakenly entered into this kind of trade and learned the hard way how it didn’t serve anybody. And, I am especially reminded of the stories I have heard now from clients for decades who fell into this external emphasis and suffered a great deal for having done so.

Now, I am a realist. I understand human nature. I am used to my clients telling me in an excited tone of voice when they meet a potential partner, “She is so hot. I could just look at her beauty all day long.” Or, “He is so rich. He has his own private plane. He owns several homes.”

But, my training and years of experience have also taught me a lot about the painful road they are traveling down. That is why when I hear these statements I sigh inwardly, knowing that sooner rather than later, trouble will be at their door.

Why? Again, there is nothing wrong with beauty. It can be very inspiring to have a partner who is physically attractive to us. And, wealth can help us accomplish a great deal of good in life if we have access to it. But, when we start out being thrilled about externals, and when we focus on what others can give us especially in the way of status, the ego has pretty much taken over. That very same ego only leads to much heartbreak down the road.

A wealthy friend of mine has a saying I would like to share with you to bring some proof. He calls it the Cindy Crawford syndrome. (She was the supermodel who was in vogue at the time he was young). What is the Cindy Crawford, or supermodel, syndrome? It’s the classic problem externally based ego driven people often face when they put the emphasis on externals like beauty.

Because they care more about the status a person brings them, instead of caring truly for the person, even if they marry a supermodel they remain discontent. That is why before too long he will be trading in a supermodel girlfriend for a new one. (Tiger Woods anyone?). Well, Tiger is not alone. And, you don’t have to have wealth to fall victim to putting the emphasis on externals, any egotistical selfish person will be prone to do so.

That is also why I take a deep breath and say a little prayer when I hear women gushing about how much money a man spends on them, or can bring to their lives. Again, I can’t blame them for being misguided. I was too at one point. I married the wrong person in a trade of my youthful looks for sizable wealth in hopes that it would bring the happiness and security I longed for. It didn’t. In fact, my brief years in that marriage were some of the most unhappy of my life. Why? Because despite his money and my looks, we were not at all compatible with each other. And, neither one of us bothered to ask the kinds of questions that I will share with you now.

Questions To Answer In Your Quest for Real Love.

1. Do I genuinely enjoy and admire this person, even if he/she were not wealthy or good looking?
2. Do we share the same vision of what we want our lives to be like? And, does that vision help to create a better world for lots of people around us?
3. Do we have a lot of things in common (after all even though opposites attract, time and again, research shows that long lasting happy relationships and marriages happen between people who are more alike than different).
4. Does this person possess integrity? Can he/she be trusted to keep his/her word?
5. Is this person free from obsessions, addictions, and abusive patterns (emotionally, physically, financially) showing they are capable of being a happy loving person, able to give that happiness and love to someone else?
6. Is this person a naturally unselfish person? Do they treat others with care and respect no matter what their status in life?
7. How does this person treat me? Forget about how much money he/she spends on me. Forget about how much he/she turns me on physically. How does he/she treat me regarding the little things in life? How good of a human being is this person?
8. Does this person value who I am mainly in terms of the service I am here to bring to the world? And, will he/she help me make the contibution with my talents I am meant to?
9. Is this person capable of making sacrifices, joyfully and willingly, especially since the ability to joyfully sacrifice for the well being of others demonstrates that this person knows how to truly love?
10. What kind of spiritual qualities does this person possess, especially in regards to being fair, truthful, compassionate, open-minded, naturally joyful, loving, and concerned for welfare of others?

Of course, there are additional questions that could be asked. But, how much more I would delight if someone would tell me, “He/she is such a good person. He/she has such a kind heart. We share so many things in common. People genuinely admire him/her. He/she can be trusted to keep his/her word. He/she treats me really well. And, by the way, he/she is my ideal of good looking. It is so much fun how he/she really turns me on. And, he/she has the financial means that allows us both use that wealth wisely to help create a better world.”

Then, I would smile with joy and wish them well. I would feel that they were learning to bless each other and this world with the presence of their real love. But, most of all, I would know that at some point, sooner or later they would not be calling me on the phone with the classic story I hear one too many times of how despite all they have in life in terms of looks, status, or wealth, they feel lonely, empty, betrayed, sad, angry, and abandoned once more because they did not get the real love they were looking for.

Yes, real love. That is what is it really all about. And, that is what I wish for them, for myself, and for the entire world.

Copyright by Dr. Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

Want to learn how to ATTRACT & KEEP REAL LOVE? Go to the link below.

http://doctorlisalove.com/attract_love_group_coaching.html

Giving Thanks for the Miracle of Life

Just imagine. Imagine as if you could live every day as a miracle. Imagine if you could wake up and no matter what your day brings, you could go through your day saying, “Thank you Spirit! Thank you God!” Thanks for this opportunity to learn once more how to open my heart. Thank you for the opportunity to dare to love those who I was afraid to love, found it difficult to love, wanted to love but didn’t know how. Thank you for the opportunity to love and discover more about being loved in return.

You in the airport or on the freeway…. thank you for the opportunity to practice patience, to offer a smile, to encounter the limitations within myself that keep my heart frozen and blocked from revealing all the love that I am, and taking in all the love I can receive.

You in my family… despite all the pain and hurt we have shared together, thank you for the opportunity to practice forgiveness, to replace my fears with love, to learn discernment, to see you more clearly, to know how to be with you in a safe space, where we can learn to be more conscious and open together.

You in another country… thank you for being different from me, for teaching me to be less self-absorbed in my own view of the world, to discover how varied human kind is, and how to love others fully and clearly in an attempt to understand and learn how to be with different points of view.

You all alone… out there somewhere believing no one cares. Thank you for helping me remember that you are there. Knowing this I can send you my love, and wish for you that you will reach beyond fear finding those who care.

You who are in pain or suffering… thank you for reminding me about compassion. That I am here not only to receive, but to give. Thank you for teaching me the limits of my capacity to love, so that I may open my heart and expand my ability to embrace you even more. For in embracing you and helping you heal, I heal myself. Because we are one, all one, in our joys and our sorrows.

You who I have harmed… thank you for revealing to me my shadow, all those nooks and crannies of ignorance I thought I had gone beyond. Thank you for showing me all the ways I need to grow. And, to those of you who found it in your hearts to forgive me, thank you for that act of grace, as I also attempt to shed that grace upon myself.

You who are in celebration and joy… thank you for reminding me about the essence and true nature of life. Thank you for waking me up and reminding me that life is precious. So let us all wake up and embrace the day to see what it has to offer. Thank you for reminding me life is too short for bad moods, and all things go better when we simply remember to find joy in life and smile at one another.

You who love… you are the reason for living. Thank you for the friendship, kindness, inspiration, and shear delight you bring into my life. Your courageous act of keeping your hearts open help heal this world. For you reveal that love is not scarce, it exists in an abundance.

You… Spirit… Divine… God… Energy… Life! You are all that is, in all your wonderous displays. Sometimes confusing, but always revealing the fundamental truth…. we are one. I am you, you are me. As we learn to consciously embrace the miracle of life, and lovingly dissolve the barriers that prevent us from seeing the essence we all are… then love bursts forth!

So, thank you…. thank you… thank you… this day, every day, every moment.

Blessings and love,

Lisa

Forgiving, Forgetting, & Boundary Setting

Is it really possible, or practical, to forgive and forget if someone is only going to repeat abusive and harmful behaviors? It is, but it requires a little more clarity on the entire process of boundary setting in conjunction with forgiveness.

In the past several years I have become even more savvy on the dynamics of abuse. I have also become aware of how abusers pretty much count on people forgiving them and forgetting about the harm they cause as a way to escape from the consequences of their destructive behaviors.

Which is why I want to draw upon the Christian teachings I was raised on. Because to me Jesus is a major example of forgiveness. Yet, when Jesus famously forgave those around him, at one point he also proclaimed, “Go and sin no more.” In other words, all of us, when we are given the blessing of forgiveness, have at the same time a responsibility to become more conscious of our destructive patterns. And, once aware of them, we need to actively move to change our behaviors so we sin (or harm ourselves and others) no more.

What about forgetting then? Though I have no idea what the roots are of the words forgiving and forgetting, it has not passed by me that the words can easily be broken into “for – giving” and “for – getting.” Looked at this way I can almost imagine acient folks looking at two people who have harmed each other, and then telling them to both step into the center of the room for the purpose of “giving” and “getting.” Or, to put it more simply for the sake of apologizing and making restitution with each other so the scales of justice (or karma) are set right.

Yet, sadly forgiving and forgetting has often turned into, “Ok, I’ll be a nice person and let you off the hook entirely. You don’t have to get conscious. You don’t have to change your behaviors. I’ll just let the whole thing go. And, you can go on being hurtful like you were before.” Quite frankly this is the fundamental reason why abusive relationships continue. Abusive people never have to suffer any consequences for their destructive behaviors. And, their forgiving spouses (who continue to ignore the abuse) end up getting hurt again and again and again.

So, what is the better way to forgive? First, it is true, when you don’t forgive you remain stuck in the past. Your thoughts spin negative. You are not able to create a more positive future for yourself. In many respects you continue the abuse cycle. Only this time instead of the other person harming you, you are harming yourself. That is why forgiveness primarily helps YOU. It helps you let go, move on, and move forward in your life free from the negative impact of the person who wounded you in the first place.

But, it is also true that forgiveness requires being able to stand in a place of spiritual power. As Jesus conveyed, now that the other person has been given a second chance, they now have a responsibility with that chance to become a better person. I am reminded of the famous play and film Les Miserables, which is a major story of forgiveness. In this tale Jean val jon steals silver from the home of the priest and is caught. Though the priest could have easily sent Jean val Jon back to the labor camps, he did not. Instead, he forgave Jean val jon. But, in forgiving him he also requested what he now wanted from Jean val jon (which was the priest’s way of saying what he would be “getting” in return). He said, “With this silver I have bought your soul for God.” Meaning he now held Jean val jon responsible for waking up, setting things right, and becoming a better human being from now on. Thank God, Jean val jon did.

As I see it then real forgiveness requires a great deal of spiritual power and spiritual perspective. To get to this point you do need to use forgiveness to heal enough to embrace more your own value and dignity as a human being. Letting go of your pain will help you get there, which is why forgiveness is a tool that mostly helps you. Once healed and free from the wounds of the past as a powerful and dignified human being, you then have the responsibility to learn about how to better protect yourself from such hurtful behavior. Then, you need to develop the capacity to set boundaries so you prevent that person from wounding you anymore. And, if you can manage it, you can even learn to develop enough spiritual power that with dignity and grace you are able to convey to the person who has harmed you, that in being forgiven, they have a responsibilty to wake up and become a better person.

With these steps everyone gives, everyone gets, and balance is restored for the good of all.

Blessings,

Dr. Lisa Love

Dr. Lisa Love Website

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

About Dr. Lisa Love

Check out my NEW BOOK: SOUL SUCCESS: How to Create Joy & Prosperity in Good Times or Bad Buy the book and receive bonus gifts at my website.

Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction. She is also a Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction, and Tranformational coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast! Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way. Contact me to discover what I can do for you.

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE: Go to: http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong. — Ghandi

Heal Your Emotions, Heal Your Life

Kerplunk Game

Dear Friend,

If times are tough right now and you are going through fear, loss, sorrow, frustration, confusion, disappointment, desperation, anger, or more…

…. then I know I can help you. My name is Dr. Lisa Love and after decades of living through both good times and bad I know intimately that the number one thing that will help you get through is knowing how to heal and shift your emotions so they no longer stop you from moving forward in a powerful and successful way.

Consider this!  It’s a childhood game called Kerplunk that best illustrates why this program is so important for helping you recover from any difficult situation you are in.

Marbles = Thoughts
Pickup Sticks = Emotions
Tray Bottom = Actions Following Through

Now, the goal of the game is to get the marbles down through the chute to the bottom. Or, to get our thoughts into actions we follow through on. At times, however, our limiting beliefs prevent us from even putting the marbles into the tube. So, we never get started. But, if even we do get started and put our positive beliefs and thoughts (the marbles) into the tube, they can still get blocked. Why?

Because the pickup sticks represent all our unhealed emotions that sabotage our ability to follow through or act in the right way, despite all our positive thinking and good intentions. That’s why emotions are considered “the power factor of manifestation.” They e-mote us, or move us, into the direction we need to go to attract what we need to for a better life, or not!

The name of the game, then, isn’t just positive thinking it’s positive feeling! So, how do you get your feelings working at the highest state so they can aid you? Here’s how!

Heal Your Emotions, Heal Your Life CD Set

CD ONE: Shifting Fear Into Love
CD TWO: Shifting Confusion Into Clarity
CD THREE: Shifting Sorrow Into Compassion
CD FOUR: Shifting Anger Into Energy
CD FIVE: Shifting Jealousy Into Fulfillment
CD SIX: Shifting Happiness Into Joy
BONUS CD: Healing Your Emotions Visualizations

That’s right. In this program I will show you how you can shift six major emotional states into their highest level, where their true gifts can be revealed to you.

Learn about the giftseach emotion gives if you handle them at the highest level, allowing you to “remove the pickup sticks” or energy blocks that stop you from getting motivated, moving into action, and manifesting what you need to, especially in a harmonious way.

Discover how each emotion operates at an unhealthy, average, and healthy level.

Get a variety of practical exercises to help you shift each emotions in a positive way.

Be led through a visualization helping you to work with the emotion at the highest level.

Each CD is 60 minutes in length or longer.

Remember, when you feel as if your life is not going the way you wish it would, whether you are experiencing good times or bad, nothing seems quite right. Often that is because you don’t understand how to manage your emotions at a positive level. But, that no longer has to be the case. You can learn to gain mastery over your emotions and keep yourself positive, energized, and ready to act in an effective way.

Wouldn’t you rather have love, clarity, compassion, energy, fulfilment, and joy in your life over fear, confusion, sorrow, anger, jealousy and fleeting moments of happiness?

Then learn more about this CD SET HERE to heal your life once and for all.

Blessings,

Dr. Lisa Love

Dr. Lisa Love Website

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

About Dr. Lisa Love

Check out my NEW BOOK: SOUL SUCCESS: How to Create Joy & Prosperity in Good Times or Bad Buy the book and receive bonus gifts at my website.

Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction. She is also a Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction, and Tranformational coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast! Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way. Contact me to discover what I can do for you.

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE: Go to: http://www.doctorlisalove. com/freegifts.html

How Real Love Can Save Our Economy

Take away love, and our earth is a tomb. –Robert Browning

DR. LISA LOVE REFLECTIONS
 
Imagine a world where what we want most of all is the good for each other!  Imagine a world where the measure of success is no longer based on how good you look, how much stuff you have, how rich you are, or how famous you have become.  But, a world where the measure of success is based upon how well you love others, how much time you spend really seeing and appreciating the world around you, how much wisdom you gain, and how often you treat everything and everyone with care (instead of being care – less).  I have imagined such a world.  And, though I often am an incomplete and imperfect picture of the what I call the “soul success game,” I would much prefer to strive, sometimes fail, yet strive again after this kind of “soul-opoly.” 
 
So, how can striving to be a “soul success” through the power of real love save our economy?  To begin with people may learn that instead of living in bigger and bigger homes with increasingly empty rooms, it is better to build and live within a “lighted” house.  What is a “lighted house?”  Basically, it is a home where every room is filled with light and life.  Each room is utilized as well as all the items within the room itself.  And, as people frequent the rooms they fill the rooms with their curiosity, wonder, love, and joy.  There is no sense of stagnation.  No feeling of emptiness.  Just life, vitality, and an opportunity to appreciate more what comes in and out of the four walls and space within. 
 
Just this, and this alone, will begin to shift the focus away from excess, waste, and neglect to a sense of depth.  Why?  Because depth comes about when we actually use the stuff we own and treat it well.  We fully absorb and relate to whatever we acquire or with the people we meet.  In short, we become intimate!  We connect.  We learn to understand each other.  And, in this way we are able to love each other a little more.  Not through wanting more and more for ourselves.  But, by wanting what is really good for the people and items we come into contact with and care about.
 
And, how does this help the economy further?  Maybe in doing this we will revisit the notion of sharing.  For example, the empty rooms of our homes might more readily be shared with others who need a place to stay.  The unused goods that we have hoarded and neglected might be circulated so that those who could appreciate them and benefit from them will have access to them.  Recycling won’t be seen as just turning in your bottles and cans so they can be used again.  It will be seen as learning to love, by fully appreciating and using, all that we have so that it is “loved up” (versus used up).  It is fully taken in and digested so that all the nutrients that are available in whatever we acquire, or through whomever we come in contact with, are assimilated so they nourish our hearts, minds, emotions, and bodies. 
 
No longer waste-full, we will become soul-full.  We will care.  We will love.  And, in doing so our hearts will open and be filled with real love.  And, as the power of love overtakes the love of power our streets will be filled with love and light.  Our homes will be peaceful and safe havens.  Our minds and emotions will be free of fear.  Best of all, our children will grow up nourished and cared for in a world filled with love, light, and spiritual power.  I can hardly wait for such a world to be born. 
  
Blessings,

Dr. Lisa Love

Dr. Lisa Love Website is found at http://www.doctorlisalove.com

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

About Dr. Lisa Love

Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction. She is also a Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction, and Tranformational coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast! Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way. Contact me to discover what I can do for you.

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE: Go to: http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

To Be Spiritual You Must Be Rich? Has It Really Come to THIS?

Here it is, the eve of Easter Sunday and on the eve of this holiday I can’t believe I read what I’ve posted below. It is especially strange to read this at a time of year when I contemplate Jesus on the cross as a symbol of the ultimate sacrifice of our ego, and the need to live more spiritually, primarily through the Law of Sacrifice and the Law of Service.

Apart from Jesus I also take inspiration from people like the Dalai Lama, Mother Teresa, Peace Pilgrim, and others like some Indian saints like Amaji, Ramana Marashi, Ramakrishna, and so forth.. yet here on this sacred night for me (as mostly a Christian, but one who appreciates other faiths) I read this just posted tonight on Bob Proctor’s new Facebook site (one of the main people behind The Secret DVD and book).

“WHATEVER may be said in praise of poverty, the fact remains that it is not possible to live a really complete or successful life unless one is rich. No man can rise to his greatest possible height in talent or soul development unless he has plenty of money; for to unfold the soul and to develop talent he must have many things to use, and he cannot have these things unless he has money to buy them with. Every person naturally wants to become all that they are capable of becoming; Success in life is becoming what you want to be. To understand the science of getting rich is therefore the most essential of all knowledge.”

Wow, has it really come to this? That none of us can believe we have had a successful life unless we are rich? That we can’t develop our souls to their fullest potential unless we are rich?

I guess countless saints, sages, and some of the most celebrated spiritual teachers after thousands of years are not very spiritual after all. Too bad they just didn’t know how to realize their “soul potential.” I guess countless nuns and monks who choose a life of poverty to focus totally on service, love, and spiritual cultivation have had no idea what they were talking about. Neither did billions of mothers and fathers throughout history and now who sacrificed for their children out of pure love and devotion — giving mainly their wisdom and example of pure love to their children even when they were not able to give anything else. Same could be said of millions of soldiers who gave their young lives on a battlefield. Spiritually UN-REALIZED all of them. Sorry, everyone, you were just too broke!

Well, now I know even more why I spent five years of my life immersed in the topic of Wealth and Spirituality for my Ph.D. studying what every major religion had to say about money and going into depth on this topic by studying both the wealthy and the poor. Sure, you can be rich and be spiritual even though most religious traditions say it is far harder to do both (the ego just gets too full of itself). But, to imply that you MUST be rich to be spiritual? No wonder I wrote my book BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiitual Power and the Law of Attraction book, which takes a far more balanced view than any of The Secret teachings do, especially if they are now acting like you HAVE to be rich to be spiritual.

Plus, this notion contributes to the same old “ego success game” balony that asserts that you are only successful if you have consumed lots of stuff (as the text above says, “you cannot have these things unless you have money to buy them”). Look 1,000 plant and animal species are going extinct every day. All around the world due to global warming the ice on our planet is now melting and drying up our water supply at an alarmingly rapid rate (get ahold of the book Extreme Ice and watch the new PBS program on it). The main reason the ice is melting and global warming is happening? It’s not CO2 emissions from cars, it’s the mass consumption of the world’s resources at an out of control pace. And, with all this going on we are being told we are only able to reach our soul potential if we are not even well off, but RICH as well? Ok, 7 billion people on the planet get going. Consume the rest of the world’s resources at a rapid pace to prove how spiritual we all are. We should all be extinct within 50 years if we do so.

Yes, it’s true. Money is power and it gives some people the power to manifest their beliefs on this Earth. But, that doesn’t mean you are spiritual if you have money, or that you are spiritual if you don’t. And, rest assured, if I’m counted again one day as one of the “rich” on this planet (and I was one of them in my first marriage and found very few spiritual people around me when I was one of them), you won’t hear me talk in such an offensive manner as to now imply that because I am rich again that now makes me spiritual, and everyone else around me at below a certain income level is not.

Why won’t you hear me talk that way? Because spirituality has nothing to do with money! It has everything to do with the kind of person you are whether you have money or not. Something real spiritual teachers have taught for thousands of years and still teach today. Why? Because it’s still true. Money can’t buy you love or happiness even. Only a good heart can bring that to you. And, along the same lines money can’t buy you spirituality either no matter how much the egos of some people try to trick you into believing it to be so.

Happy Easter everyone!

Blessings,

Lisa

Dr. Lisa Love Website

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

About Dr. Lisa Love

Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction. She is also a Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction, and Tranformational coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast! Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way. Contact me to discover what I can do for you.

Self-Respect & Setting Standards

“If you don’t set a baseline standard for what you’ll accept in life, you’ll find it’s easy to slip into behaviors and attitudes or a quality of life that’s far below what you deserve.” — Anthony Robbins

Dr. Lisa Love Reflections.

Lately, I’ve been reflecting a lot on the notion of setting standards, especially when I consider using the law of attraction in a spiritual way. And, it’s occurred to me in light of what is happening in the world today, maybe as a whole our standards just are not being set high enough. After all, we live on a planet where 1,000 plant and animal species are going extinct everyday. Yesterday, the news announced that in the United States 40% of all children that came into the world in 2008 are born to single mothers without fathers involved in their child’s care. Increasingly around the globe civility is dead, more wars are taking place than ever before (Mexico is now considered more of a threat than Iraq is due to the drug industry) and slavery is the largest it has ever been in human history (almost all human slavery these days is of women and children being forced into the porn and sex slave industry, with most of them being exported to India and Asian countries for prostitution there).

Apart from just trying to bum everyone out with horrible statistics, I think it is time that as human beings we joyfully set our standards a little higher. To help along these lines I recommend the following three books I have had the pleasure to read lately.

THE LOVE DARE (And don’t miss the movie Fireproof that goes with it. I loved it! It’s Christian based, but regardless of your faith this book is one of the best I have ever read to help people learn what real love is! One of my favorite topics by the way).

ACT LIKE A LADY, THINK LIKE A MAN (a book that reveals how especially women need to get off the Cosmo trip and start to rethink how they are encouraging men to treat them with dis-respect, leave them and not be the best men they can be).

THE FALL: The Insanity of the Ego in Human History and the Dawning of A New Era (A book that shows the horrible way men and women can treat each other and how to go beyond treating others and our Earth in such disrespectful ways. Only then will we gain more respect for ourselves, each other, and this world).

In short, it is time for us to raise our standards and understand that we have attracted this world because the baseline bar has been just to low. Time to get motivated, grow in love, and learn to really love and respect each other and our world. The results will be more than worth it.

Blessings,

Dr. Lisa Love
Dr. Lisa Love Website

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

About Dr. Lisa Love

Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction. She is also a Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction, and Tranformational coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast! Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way. Contact me to discover what I can do for you.

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE: Go to: http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

Happiness, The Power of Now, & the Law of Attraction

One of the most amusing things to me with some law of attraction practictioners is how they use the law of attraction to resist the present moment. An ancient spiritual truth expressed by all major religions and made more popular by Eckhart Tolle today, is how when we have the ability to fully accept and surrender to the present moment, we greatly increase happiness in life. But, sadly, many people use the law of attraction to avoid the present moment and therefore unwittingly increase the level of suffering and unhappiness in their lives. How does this happen?

Because the law of attraction propells us into a constant state where we avoid what is happening right now allowing us to spend our time in the present moment instead in a constant quest for what “should be” or what we “want to be” in the future. Example: I don’t like what is right now. Meaning I don’t like my current job, or economic situation, or relationship, or health condition, and so forth. So, I need to use the law of attraction to get out of where I am right now. Because only when I get a more attractive partner can I be happy. Only when I get more money can I be happy. Only when I lose ten more pounds can I be happy. So, I create a vision board, start doing all kinds of affirmations, whatever it takes to get out of this present moment and into what I believe a “better moment” might be. The problem is, since I have never learned to appreciate the gift of what is, right now, when I get to that next future moment (which is now the present moment), I have never learned to be content with what is, so I keep running after what I think I need next to be happy and so forth.

Ironically, the more you focus on this the more you perpetuate a chronic state of discontent and even fear. Because now is never good enough no matter what present moment you are in. By not being able to accept what is and spending all your time finding ways to run away from it, you increase unhappiness. Instead, if you could befriend the present moment by going into it more deeply, you could learn to extract the juice, the gift (such as increased awareness), and even the joy out of every moment you are in.

Example One: Avoiding the Present Moment.

You lose your job, or your partner no longer wants to be with you. You tell yourself, “This should not be.” You wail, you rage, you plot your vengence. Or, you immobilize in a state of confusion or grief and remain helpless and paralysed. In this state of great emotion you avoid the gift of right now. You run and react (instead of act) by using a law of attraction approach to help you get out of where you are now to attract a new job or new partner thinking then you will be happy. Then, all will be well. And, by doing this you become future, not present, bound.

Example Two: Accepting the Present Moment.

Here you accept as quickly as possible, “I have lost my job,” or “My partner no longer wants to be with me.” Maybe you will feel some grief, some anger, or another emotion. Instead of runnning from your feelings, you feel them. As you do so stillness emerges. Within the calm of the present moment you reawaken to the beauty of what is, right now. Gratitude swells up for what is. Depth emerges giving you the power to accept and appreciate more, what is right now. You find the gold, or the gift that lies within your present circumstances. The more you open up and trust in what this moment has to offer you, the more your sense of self expands making you more aware of not only what is, but of who you really are as a human, as the planet, and as part of the Universe. This puts you in a state of fullness, which is why I often say in the truest sense the law of attraction doesn’t exist. Because the more you empty out your ego identity (or your limited self) and expand into your identity as Spirit (as an unlimited self), the more you appreciate that even if at the level of the ego you don’t have what you want, as Spirit you already do!

The Law of Surrender

And, in that space Spirit is attempting to reveal to you what it wants for you in this moment. It has caused the present moment for a reason. As you stay open to this possibility you avoid the usual ego tendency to run from the present moment and to create a new future based upon it’s limited understanding. Instead, you surrender to what Spirit wants in this moment, leaving you open to a number of revelations. For example. Maybe you are not meant to get a job again right now. Maybe you are meant to rest for a bit, or enter into a training program for a new line of work. Or, maybe you are not meant to have a new relationship right away again. Maybe you are meant to be single for a time so you can grow into a new you! Staying in the present moment by first using the Law of Surrender before attempting to activate the Law of Attraction you find that in many ways, Spirit knows what is best. Opening up to what Spirit wants (which is ultimately opening up to what “you” want, since you are Spirit) not only leads you to a brighter future (or a happier succession of present moments) it leads you to serenity and peace brining you the opportunity to have a lifetime of joy and fulfillment.

Namaste,

Dr. Lisa Love

Dr. Lisa Love Website

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

About Dr. Lisa Love

Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction. She is also a Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction, and Tranformational coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast! Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way. Contact me to discover what I can do for you.

Benefits of Conscious Complaining

If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain. ~ Maya Angelou

Recently, I’ve been exposed to a couple of books that were anti-whining and anti-complaining. And, especially in tough times it is easy to be prone to complaining. But, did you know (with all due respect to Maya Angelou who I adore) complaining can be very useful? I call it “conscious complaining,” which from a law of attraction perspective is an excellent tool that helps you clarify and discern what you “don’t want” in your life, as a prelude for switching over to knowing what you “do want” from this point forward. For example. You don’t want to be in debt. You don’t want to have high interest credit cards. You don’t want to lose your job or your home. You don’t want to mess up a really great relationship. Good! You are complaining. And, by complaining in this way you are discovering what you don’t want and will no longer tolerate.

Now that you are clear about what you don’t want, let’s switch gears and get insight into what you can do about your problems. Regarding your debt, can you whittle it down? Can you talk to a Consumer Credit Counselor to help you? Can you get financial advise regarding how to save your home? Can you live more simply and get rid of the attitude that dictates a lifestyle of consumption? Can you learn to be a more loving person and partner? What else can you do to change your life and attitude for the better? Remember, used in the right way complaining helps you get clarity. And, once you are clear you can turn your anxiety into action and make a change in either behavior, attitude, or both. So go ahead. Complain, get clear, get motivated, get changing, and complain no more!

To your success!

Dr. Lisa Love
Dr. Lisa Love Website

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

About Dr. Lisa Love

Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction. She is also a Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction, and Tranformational coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast! Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way. Contact me to discover what I can do for you.

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE: Go to: http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

What is Spirituality? Key Points in Bold

(Copyright May 2002 by Lisa Love).

Below is a small excerpt from my Ph.D. dissertation on Weatlh & Spirituality where I was asked to do substantial research of the spiritual literature to come up with a defintion of spirituality. 

To help you sort through the required documentation in a Ph.D. dissertation, I have put the key points in bold.

Qualities of Spirituality

     What are some of the qualities associated with spirituality?  To begin with, some people (Braudy, 1997; Dunbar, 2000; Fridson, 2000, Goddard, 1995; Hill & Smith, 1995; Jagers & Smith, 1996; Kilpatrick, 1999; Niederman, 1999; Rolheiser, 1999; Roof, 1999) consider the qualities of energy, vitality, and power to be primary spiritual components. Ronald Rolheiser (1999) states: We can see from all of this that spirituality is about what we do with our spirits, our souls.  And can we see too from all of this that a healthy spirit or a healthy soul must do dual jobs: it has to give us energy and fire, so that we do not lose our vitality, and all sense of the beauty and joy of living.  Thus, the opposite of a spiritual person is not a person who rejects the idea of God and lives as a pagan.  The opposite of being spiritual is to have no energy, is to have lost all the zest for living – lying on a couch, watching football or sit-coms, taking beer intravenously! (pp. 11-12)

     Other qualities often attributed to spirituality include those of having a life purpose, or being endowed with the capacity to give one’s life meaning (Canda, 1988; Elkins, Hedstrom, Hughes, Leaf & Saunders, 1988; Frankl, 1967; Howden, 1993; McGrath, 1997; Wheat, 1991).  Still other people attribute spirituality to the belief in an Ultimate Reality (Banks, Poehler & Russell, 1984; Francis, 1986; Howden, 1993; Hungelmann, Kenkel-Rossi, Klassen, & Stollenwerk, 1985; Nagai-Jacobson & Burkhardt, 1989; Nierderman, 1999; Rolheiser, 1999; Wheat, 1991).  Niederman (1999) found in his research with over 300 people that this Ultimate Reality (or Ultimate Other as he called it) is usually made up of a “God archetype” (p. 91) of some kind, which is dependent upon the cultural and religious orientation a person holds.  The experience of an Ultimate Reality can be either dualistic or non-dualistic. The dualistic position sees the God-archetype as a being, force, or spirit out there somewhere that can be related to for inspiration, comfort, or aid.  The non-dualistic perspective asserts there really is no other in an ultimate sense, because that other is also within us as well. (Bailey, 1945; Brunton, 1984, 1986, 1988; Wilber, 1977, 1979)

     Another view of spirituality is that it pertains to a belief in life after death (Jagers and Smith, 1996; Niederman, 1999).  It also pertains to the capacity to contact the deceased, a view often found in indigenous shamanic traditions (Coogan, 1998; Noss, 1999, Ryan, 1999), the “spiritualists” movement of the late 19th century (Sadleir, 2000), and amongst modern day mediums and psychics (Sadleir, 2000).  Spirituality can also be associated with the cultivation of psychic powers and a cultivation of altered state experiences (Coogan, 1998; Noss, 1999, Ryan, 1999; Sadleir, 2000), which are often entered into as a means to contact the dead and access subtle realms of perception.      

     A number of other authors take issue with this view of spirituality.  Aurobindo (1948, 1958; Satprem, 1993), Bailey (1942), Brunton (1984, 1987b) and Underhill (1955)  warn that psychic powers and altered state experiences divorced from a moral base can inflate the ego and therefore impede spiritual growth.  Alice Bailey (1942) even goes so far as to assert that this kind of pursuit can really be a digression from cultivating what she calls the “higher psychic abilities” that include qualities such as a refined intellect, a calm emotional state, and other surprising words like discrimination, healing, active service, spiritual discernment, response to group need or vibration, and perfected knowledge to name a few (pp. 559 – 563).        

     Aurobindo (1948, 1958), Bailey (1922, 1937, 1942, 1945), Brunton (1984, 1988), Fowler (1981), Marion (2000), Satprem (1993), Underhill (1955), Wade (1996), and Wilber (1977, 1979, 1995, 1996, 2000) are a few of the leading thinkers who talk about spirituality as emerging primarily after an ego stage of development.  Spirituality occurs only when a certain developmental level of consciousness is reached, which Bailey (1922, 1937, 1945) refers to as undergoing the first initiation, Brunton (1984, 1986) speaks about as the beginning of the spiritual quest, Wade (1996) calls the level of transcendent consciousness, and Wilber (1995) refers to as the centauric, vision-logic, or psychic (1981) levels of consciousness.  At this point the ego begins to dissolve, or transcends itself (Elkins, Hedstrom, Hughes, Leaf, & Saunders, 1988; Frankl, 1962; Jackson, 1980; Jenkins, 1995; O’Brien, 1994; Niederman, 1999), and the life emphasis shifts from what one gets out of life for oneself, to what one can increasingly give to others  (Banks, Poehler, & Russell, 1984).  Bailey (1942) refers to this as the <b>shift from acquisition to contribution.</b>

     For a number of authors (Lane, 1987; McGrath, 1997; Shafranske, 1984, Zumeta, 1993) spirituality exists when there is a sense of community, or when someone becomes other oriented(concerned about others and not just oneself).  This sense of other can extend from simply a concern for one’s own family, to a broad concern for environmental and planetary welfare, which some authors believe only takes place when the individual has sufficiently transcended the ego (Bailey, 1937, 1945; Brunton, 1984, 1988; Wilber, 1995, 2000). 

     Finally, spirituality for many authors has to do with the cultivation of a number of traits that are often viewed as moral in nature (Beversluis, 2000; Kornfield, 2000; Teasdale, 1999, Walsh, 1999).  Both Wayne Teasdale (1999) and transpersonal psychiatrist Roger Walsh (1999) believe the emphasis on morality should be less on outer injunctions of how to live, and more upon behaviors derived from an inner realization of what Walsh (1999) calls the “direct experience of the sacred” (p. 3) which include the following qualities:  a) a reduction in cravings for material goods; b) a cultivation of emotional wisdom that manifests as compassion; c) the living of an ethical life; d) a concentrated and calm mind; e) the ability to see and recognize the sacred in all things; f) the cultivation of spiritual intelligence resulting in wisdom; g) and the desire to put spirit into action, through the embrace of generosity and the joy of service.  

     This view that spirituality is dependent upon the cultivation of certain qualities fits with the research study conducted by Niederman (1999) who found his participants equated spirituality most often with qualities that included: love and compassion; the ability to sit with mystery and not have all the answers; honesty, self-evaluation, positive thinking, patience, self-acceptance; good nutritional habits and exercise; forgiveness, self-disclosure, risking, touching, self-improvement; activities such as meditation, prayer, imaging; a desire to fashion one’s life into a life of holiness; inner strength; joy, peace, awareness, centeredness; release, gratitude, humility, tolerance, faith, commitment, surrender; an ability to see beyond the present reality; discipline, trust, love, commitment to spiritual practice, a sense of well-being, and a greater sense of connectedness and relatedness to others; and a sense of harmony with self, others, and the environment.