He’s Rich, She’s Hot! So What? – Beyond Appearances Towards Real Love

It’s the stereotypical trade – sex objects for success objects. Attractive women (or men) for wealthy men (or women). This barter of status (looks and wealth) is ancient and deeply ingrained in the human psyche. And, it is pitched to us as the ideal over and over again in the media (television, movies, magazines). Yet, as many wealthy and beautiful people know who have entered into this bargain (I once did it myself in my youth), it doesn’t lead to love or happiness. So, why do we keep valuing this superficial approach that in truth has nothing to do with love? In fact, when we approach people in this superfical manner, we almost guarantee that real love will elude us in the process.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with being physically appealing or having lots of money. Beauty can inspire. Wealth can be used to accomplish great good. But, those with beauty and wealth know too well the chronic heartbreak that happens when people desire you only for your externals. It could even be said that those with extreme beauty or wealth have more difficulty finding real love than others do. Because they tend to be pursued more for their external value, they must have and apply more rigorous discernment to be sure they are being loved for who they truly are as persons.

And, to do so they must (as we all must) be willing to drop the focus on external qualities a person has, and shift more towards desiring the internal qualities a person posessess that can lead us to a truly joyful, happy, loved, and loving life. I am reminded for example of a dating service I am aware of (there are plenty like the one I know), that is set up primarily to accomplish the looks for wealth trade amongst potential partners. I am also reminded of my own early years where I mistakenly entered into this kind of trade and learned the hard way how it didn’t serve anybody. And, I am especially reminded of the stories I have heard now from clients for decades who fell into this external emphasis and suffered a great deal for having done so.

Now, I am a realist. I understand human nature. I am used to my clients telling me in an excited tone of voice when they meet a potential partner, “She is so hot. I could just look at her beauty all day long.” Or, “He is so rich. He has his own private plane. He owns several homes.”

But, my training and years of experience have also taught me a lot about the painful road they are traveling down. That is why when I hear these statements I sigh inwardly, knowing that sooner rather than later, trouble will be at their door.

Why? Again, there is nothing wrong with beauty. It can be very inspiring to have a partner who is physically attractive to us. And, wealth can help us accomplish a great deal of good in life if we have access to it. But, when we start out being thrilled about externals, and when we focus on what others can give us especially in the way of status, the ego has pretty much taken over. That very same ego only leads to much heartbreak down the road.

A wealthy friend of mine has a saying I would like to share with you to bring some proof. He calls it the Cindy Crawford syndrome. (She was the supermodel who was in vogue at the time he was young). What is the Cindy Crawford, or supermodel, syndrome? It’s the classic problem externally based ego driven people often face when they put the emphasis on externals like beauty.

Because they care more about the status a person brings them, instead of caring truly for the person, even if they marry a supermodel they remain discontent. That is why before too long he will be trading in a supermodel girlfriend for a new one. (Tiger Woods anyone?). Well, Tiger is not alone. And, you don’t have to have wealth to fall victim to putting the emphasis on externals, any egotistical selfish person will be prone to do so.

That is also why I take a deep breath and say a little prayer when I hear women gushing about how much money a man spends on them, or can bring to their lives. Again, I can’t blame them for being misguided. I was too at one point. I married the wrong person in a trade of my youthful looks for sizable wealth in hopes that it would bring the happiness and security I longed for. It didn’t. In fact, my brief years in that marriage were some of the most unhappy of my life. Why? Because despite his money and my looks, we were not at all compatible with each other. And, neither one of us bothered to ask the kinds of questions that I will share with you now.

Questions To Answer In Your Quest for Real Love.

1. Do I genuinely enjoy and admire this person, even if he/she were not wealthy or good looking?
2. Do we share the same vision of what we want our lives to be like? And, does that vision help to create a better world for lots of people around us?
3. Do we have a lot of things in common (after all even though opposites attract, time and again, research shows that long lasting happy relationships and marriages happen between people who are more alike than different).
4. Does this person possess integrity? Can he/she be trusted to keep his/her word?
5. Is this person free from obsessions, addictions, and abusive patterns (emotionally, physically, financially) showing they are capable of being a happy loving person, able to give that happiness and love to someone else?
6. Is this person a naturally unselfish person? Do they treat others with care and respect no matter what their status in life?
7. How does this person treat me? Forget about how much money he/she spends on me. Forget about how much he/she turns me on physically. How does he/she treat me regarding the little things in life? How good of a human being is this person?
8. Does this person value who I am mainly in terms of the service I am here to bring to the world? And, will he/she help me make the contibution with my talents I am meant to?
9. Is this person capable of making sacrifices, joyfully and willingly, especially since the ability to joyfully sacrifice for the well being of others demonstrates that this person knows how to truly love?
10. What kind of spiritual qualities does this person possess, especially in regards to being fair, truthful, compassionate, open-minded, naturally joyful, loving, and concerned for welfare of others?

Of course, there are additional questions that could be asked. But, how much more I would delight if someone would tell me, “He/she is such a good person. He/she has such a kind heart. We share so many things in common. People genuinely admire him/her. He/she can be trusted to keep his/her word. He/she treats me really well. And, by the way, he/she is my ideal of good looking. It is so much fun how he/she really turns me on. And, he/she has the financial means that allows us both use that wealth wisely to help create a better world.”

Then, I would smile with joy and wish them well. I would feel that they were learning to bless each other and this world with the presence of their real love. But, most of all, I would know that at some point, sooner or later they would not be calling me on the phone with the classic story I hear one too many times of how despite all they have in life in terms of looks, status, or wealth, they feel lonely, empty, betrayed, sad, angry, and abandoned once more because they did not get the real love they were looking for.

Yes, real love. That is what is it really all about. And, that is what I wish for them, for myself, and for the entire world.

Copyright by Dr. Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

Want to learn how to ATTRACT & KEEP REAL LOVE? Go to the link below.

http://doctorlisalove.com/attract_love_group_coaching.html

Forgiving, Forgetting, & Boundary Setting

Is it really possible, or practical, to forgive and forget if someone is only going to repeat abusive and harmful behaviors? It is, but it requires a little more clarity on the entire process of boundary setting in conjunction with forgiveness.

In the past several years I have become even more savvy on the dynamics of abuse. I have also become aware of how abusers pretty much count on people forgiving them and forgetting about the harm they cause as a way to escape from the consequences of their destructive behaviors.

Which is why I want to draw upon the Christian teachings I was raised on. Because to me Jesus is a major example of forgiveness. Yet, when Jesus famously forgave those around him, at one point he also proclaimed, “Go and sin no more.” In other words, all of us, when we are given the blessing of forgiveness, have at the same time a responsibility to become more conscious of our destructive patterns. And, once aware of them, we need to actively move to change our behaviors so we sin (or harm ourselves and others) no more.

What about forgetting then? Though I have no idea what the roots are of the words forgiving and forgetting, it has not passed by me that the words can easily be broken into “for – giving” and “for – getting.” Looked at this way I can almost imagine acient folks looking at two people who have harmed each other, and then telling them to both step into the center of the room for the purpose of “giving” and “getting.” Or, to put it more simply for the sake of apologizing and making restitution with each other so the scales of justice (or karma) are set right.

Yet, sadly forgiving and forgetting has often turned into, “Ok, I’ll be a nice person and let you off the hook entirely. You don’t have to get conscious. You don’t have to change your behaviors. I’ll just let the whole thing go. And, you can go on being hurtful like you were before.” Quite frankly this is the fundamental reason why abusive relationships continue. Abusive people never have to suffer any consequences for their destructive behaviors. And, their forgiving spouses (who continue to ignore the abuse) end up getting hurt again and again and again.

So, what is the better way to forgive? First, it is true, when you don’t forgive you remain stuck in the past. Your thoughts spin negative. You are not able to create a more positive future for yourself. In many respects you continue the abuse cycle. Only this time instead of the other person harming you, you are harming yourself. That is why forgiveness primarily helps YOU. It helps you let go, move on, and move forward in your life free from the negative impact of the person who wounded you in the first place.

But, it is also true that forgiveness requires being able to stand in a place of spiritual power. As Jesus conveyed, now that the other person has been given a second chance, they now have a responsibility with that chance to become a better person. I am reminded of the famous play and film Les Miserables, which is a major story of forgiveness. In this tale Jean val jon steals silver from the home of the priest and is caught. Though the priest could have easily sent Jean val Jon back to the labor camps, he did not. Instead, he forgave Jean val jon. But, in forgiving him he also requested what he now wanted from Jean val jon (which was the priest’s way of saying what he would be “getting” in return). He said, “With this silver I have bought your soul for God.” Meaning he now held Jean val jon responsible for waking up, setting things right, and becoming a better human being from now on. Thank God, Jean val jon did.

As I see it then real forgiveness requires a great deal of spiritual power and spiritual perspective. To get to this point you do need to use forgiveness to heal enough to embrace more your own value and dignity as a human being. Letting go of your pain will help you get there, which is why forgiveness is a tool that mostly helps you. Once healed and free from the wounds of the past as a powerful and dignified human being, you then have the responsibility to learn about how to better protect yourself from such hurtful behavior. Then, you need to develop the capacity to set boundaries so you prevent that person from wounding you anymore. And, if you can manage it, you can even learn to develop enough spiritual power that with dignity and grace you are able to convey to the person who has harmed you, that in being forgiven, they have a responsibilty to wake up and become a better person.

With these steps everyone gives, everyone gets, and balance is restored for the good of all.

Blessings,

Dr. Lisa Love

Dr. Lisa Love Website

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

About Dr. Lisa Love

Check out my NEW BOOK: SOUL SUCCESS: How to Create Joy & Prosperity in Good Times or Bad Buy the book and receive bonus gifts at my website.

Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction. She is also a Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction, and Tranformational coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast! Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way. Contact me to discover what I can do for you.

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE: Go to: http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong. — Ghandi

Self-Respect & Setting Standards

“If you don’t set a baseline standard for what you’ll accept in life, you’ll find it’s easy to slip into behaviors and attitudes or a quality of life that’s far below what you deserve.” — Anthony Robbins

Dr. Lisa Love Reflections.

Lately, I’ve been reflecting a lot on the notion of setting standards, especially when I consider using the law of attraction in a spiritual way. And, it’s occurred to me in light of what is happening in the world today, maybe as a whole our standards just are not being set high enough. After all, we live on a planet where 1,000 plant and animal species are going extinct everyday. Yesterday, the news announced that in the United States 40% of all children that came into the world in 2008 are born to single mothers without fathers involved in their child’s care. Increasingly around the globe civility is dead, more wars are taking place than ever before (Mexico is now considered more of a threat than Iraq is due to the drug industry) and slavery is the largest it has ever been in human history (almost all human slavery these days is of women and children being forced into the porn and sex slave industry, with most of them being exported to India and Asian countries for prostitution there).

Apart from just trying to bum everyone out with horrible statistics, I think it is time that as human beings we joyfully set our standards a little higher. To help along these lines I recommend the following three books I have had the pleasure to read lately.

THE LOVE DARE (And don’t miss the movie Fireproof that goes with it. I loved it! It’s Christian based, but regardless of your faith this book is one of the best I have ever read to help people learn what real love is! One of my favorite topics by the way).

ACT LIKE A LADY, THINK LIKE A MAN (a book that reveals how especially women need to get off the Cosmo trip and start to rethink how they are encouraging men to treat them with dis-respect, leave them and not be the best men they can be).

THE FALL: The Insanity of the Ego in Human History and the Dawning of A New Era (A book that shows the horrible way men and women can treat each other and how to go beyond treating others and our Earth in such disrespectful ways. Only then will we gain more respect for ourselves, each other, and this world).

In short, it is time for us to raise our standards and understand that we have attracted this world because the baseline bar has been just to low. Time to get motivated, grow in love, and learn to really love and respect each other and our world. The results will be more than worth it.

Blessings,

Dr. Lisa Love
Dr. Lisa Love Website

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

About Dr. Lisa Love

Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction. She is also a Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction, and Tranformational coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast! Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way. Contact me to discover what I can do for you.

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE: Go to: http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

Ending a Relationship? Here’s Help

Struggling with the end of a relationship? It doesn’t have to be that painful. There are ways to minimize the impact by learning healthy ways to let go and move on. This also ensures that you are more likely to build the foundation for an even healthier and happier relationship next time around.

Face it!  None of us like to go through a rejection or a breakup of a relationship that held so much promise and potential.  Especially around the holiday season, facing a breakup can be difficult causing you to feel even more alone.  But, does it have to be this way?  You may wonder, how can it not?  We are human after all.  True, but in my own life and in my work with clients, I have a number of tips that can help minimize the impact.  First, let yourself go through a period of celebration regarding everything that was good about the relationship.  If need be write all those memories down.  These good memories will brighten your mood, guaranteed.  Second, know that anything that was unfulfilling about the relationship is now passing away.  Take the time you need to to grieve it and let it go.  Third, approach the ending of any relationship as a chance to be open to experiencing something new.  Look forward to continuing all the positive experiences you experienced in the old relationship, as you create new ones.  Keep your thoughts on a positive level so you can attract even more good in your life. Fourth, take some time to assess how you were in this relationship.  What were the qualities you offered that were outstanding and loving?  How can you carry the good stuff forward into your next relationship?  What qualities were devitalizing or detrimental?  What do you need to do to become a better person and partner so you don’t continue to bring these elements into relationships in your future?  Finally, remember that when it comes to rejection, no one has the power to reject you if you don’t reject yourself!  Be there for yourself when any relationship ends.  After all, the most important relationship you will ever have is  with the person called, “You!”  Be a good friend to yourself.  Surround yourself with loving people.  Expand your support group.  Move deeper into your spiritual practice.  Trust the process.  You will get through.  

To your success!

Dr. Lisa Love

 

About Dr. Lisa Love

Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction, Attracting Real Love, and Thrive Not Survive!.  Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast!  Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way.  Discover what I can do for you.  Call now!   Plus, Email me about a variety of free gifts I can offer to you!   Go to:  www.doctorlisalove.com

Spirit and Sexuality

Today, sexual images are everywhere and we live in a culture saturated in sexual themes. Along these lines a great deal is being made about Tantra Yoga which includes sexuality as part of a spiritual practice. Yet, the ultimate sexual and spiritual practice has nothing to do with the latest sexual technique, position, breathing exercise, or fad. Instead, it has everything to do with the human heart and how we care for our partner in a conscious and loving manner. Let me clarify some more.

Tantra Yoga. To begin understand that ultimately Tantra Yoga helps individuals blend and balance male and female energies in the body in a loving way. This can be done with a partner, or even as a celibate practitioner since sex was not always part of the equation. In the West, Tantra has focused mainly on sexual positions, props, breathing exercises, getting a big bang orgasm, and proving you can be detached and non-possessive in your sexual drive by having multiple partners. The end result? Better skill at the mechanics of sex and more intense orgasmic highs, but often not much progress at cultivating greater love, compassion, and understanding between the sexes, which is what Tantra is really all about. 

Sex Without Spirit. Which means if you want to get clear about how to combine sexuality and spirituality you need to spot when they are not mixing real well or at all. The biggest confusion here is to equate desire and feeling desired with “spirituality.” To feel desired as a physically attractive person, or to simply desire someone to have sex with in the moment, may feel good for a bit, but it quickly wears off. People settle for this because it is better than the next level, which is dissociating during sex by going into an altered state high, or fantasizing about someone else during the act, or ignoring or abusing others as their bodies become props to satisfy your own desire, hurt, anger, or other need. It is a sad comment that the overwhelming majority of sexual experiences fall in this category. The ultimate result? Sex becomes like junk food, it doesn’t really nourish us at a deep level. Also, the body is increasingly wounded as spirit is disconnected from sexuality in this way. Eventually, people either turn off sex altogether because of this, or become sex addicts seeking the latest “sugar” fix since they are never really satisfied at a deeper level.

Spirit and Sex. The remedy to this disconnect? Simple, learn to love. This is because the most satisfying sexual experiences are the ones where you really feel valued and loved as an individual during the process. If you have ever experienced this, you know what I am talking about. This process requires depth, not breadth. It cannot be cultivated with breathing exercises, various sexual positions, or sex props like clothing, toys, or drugs. These may stimulate desire and have entertainment and variety value, but they do not bring spirit and sex together. Only love can do that. How do you bring love into the process? First, learn to love your body and soul. Respect, honor, and care for yourself. Second, practice gratitude and forgiveness. These bring back joy into your life. In short, heal your heart. Third, learn to love others. Respect, honor, and care for them. Leave judgment and criticism out the door. Especially during the sexual act, they have no place. Fourth, practice good communication skills. When communication is open, clear, and honest trust and rapport builds between partners. Fifth, relax. When you feel safe and nourished in the presence of your partner sex becomes a sacred, playful, and joyful experience. Orgasm is no longer about “achieving the big O,” performance issues, avoidance, guilt, shame, or control. Rather, it is about letting go as you feel safe enough to give and receive real loving energy with your partner.

About Dr. Lisa Love

Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction, Attracting Real Love, and Thrive Not Survive!.  Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast!  Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way.  Discover what I can do for you.  Call now! 

Initiating a Playful Sex Episode

Opening the Doors to Ecstatic Sex

If the intent is to make an initial sexual encounter a loving and playful experience then from the very beginning the qualities of play need to enter in. Here’s how!

Read the FULL ARTICLE which is syndicated on SUITE101.com.

GO TO ARTICLE HERE!

Ecstatic Sex – Beginning Stages

Initial Steps For Moving Away From Junk Food Sex

© Lisa Love

When a sexual experience starts with an attitude of joy, respect, concern, and a sincere interest in the well-being of the other person, the gates to ecstatic sex open.

Read the FULL ARTICLE which is syndicated on SUITE101.com.

GO TO ARTICLE HERE!

Sex for All the Wrong Reasons.

Why We Don’t Take Time to Be Intimate Before Having Sex

Avoid the morning after let-down following a sexual experience. Learn how to avoid feelings of anxiety, regret, anger and sorrow after the initial sexual rush.

Read the FULL ARTICLE which is syndicated on SUITE101.com.

GO TO ARTICLE HERE!

The Secret to the Best Sex Ever

How An Intimate Connection Vastly Improves Your Sexual Experience

Despite what magazines like Cosmo state, great sex doesn’t happen by learning yet another fifty ways to please your partner in bed – it happens when you get intimate!

Read the FULL ARTICLE which is syndicated on SUITE101.com.

GO TO ARTICLE HERE!

The Epedemic of Junk Food Sex

Today the hype about sex is everywhere. But, just like many people are eating “junk food” they are also getting “junk food” sex to their overall detriment.

Read the FULL ARTICLE which is syndicated on SUITE101.com.

GO TO ARTICLE HERE!