Forgiving, Forgetting, & Boundary Setting

Is it really possible, or practical, to forgive and forget if someone is only going to repeat abusive and harmful behaviors? It is, but it requires a little more clarity on the entire process of boundary setting in conjunction with forgiveness.

In the past several years I have become even more savvy on the dynamics of abuse. I have also become aware of how abusers pretty much count on people forgiving them and forgetting about the harm they cause as a way to escape from the consequences of their destructive behaviors.

Which is why I want to draw upon the Christian teachings I was raised on. Because to me Jesus is a major example of forgiveness. Yet, when Jesus famously forgave those around him, at one point he also proclaimed, “Go and sin no more.” In other words, all of us, when we are given the blessing of forgiveness, have at the same time a responsibility to become more conscious of our destructive patterns. And, once aware of them, we need to actively move to change our behaviors so we sin (or harm ourselves and others) no more.

What about forgetting then? Though I have no idea what the roots are of the words forgiving and forgetting, it has not passed by me that the words can easily be broken into “for – giving” and “for – getting.” Looked at this way I can almost imagine acient folks looking at two people who have harmed each other, and then telling them to both step into the center of the room for the purpose of “giving” and “getting.” Or, to put it more simply for the sake of apologizing and making restitution with each other so the scales of justice (or karma) are set right.

Yet, sadly forgiving and forgetting has often turned into, “Ok, I’ll be a nice person and let you off the hook entirely. You don’t have to get conscious. You don’t have to change your behaviors. I’ll just let the whole thing go. And, you can go on being hurtful like you were before.” Quite frankly this is the fundamental reason why abusive relationships continue. Abusive people never have to suffer any consequences for their destructive behaviors. And, their forgiving spouses (who continue to ignore the abuse) end up getting hurt again and again and again.

So, what is the better way to forgive? First, it is true, when you don’t forgive you remain stuck in the past. Your thoughts spin negative. You are not able to create a more positive future for yourself. In many respects you continue the abuse cycle. Only this time instead of the other person harming you, you are harming yourself. That is why forgiveness primarily helps YOU. It helps you let go, move on, and move forward in your life free from the negative impact of the person who wounded you in the first place.

But, it is also true that forgiveness requires being able to stand in a place of spiritual power. As Jesus conveyed, now that the other person has been given a second chance, they now have a responsibility with that chance to become a better person. I am reminded of the famous play and film Les Miserables, which is a major story of forgiveness. In this tale Jean val jon steals silver from the home of the priest and is caught. Though the priest could have easily sent Jean val Jon back to the labor camps, he did not. Instead, he forgave Jean val jon. But, in forgiving him he also requested what he now wanted from Jean val jon (which was the priest’s way of saying what he would be “getting” in return). He said, “With this silver I have bought your soul for God.” Meaning he now held Jean val jon responsible for waking up, setting things right, and becoming a better human being from now on. Thank God, Jean val jon did.

As I see it then real forgiveness requires a great deal of spiritual power and spiritual perspective. To get to this point you do need to use forgiveness to heal enough to embrace more your own value and dignity as a human being. Letting go of your pain will help you get there, which is why forgiveness is a tool that mostly helps you. Once healed and free from the wounds of the past as a powerful and dignified human being, you then have the responsibility to learn about how to better protect yourself from such hurtful behavior. Then, you need to develop the capacity to set boundaries so you prevent that person from wounding you anymore. And, if you can manage it, you can even learn to develop enough spiritual power that with dignity and grace you are able to convey to the person who has harmed you, that in being forgiven, they have a responsibilty to wake up and become a better person.

With these steps everyone gives, everyone gets, and balance is restored for the good of all.

Blessings,

Dr. Lisa Love

Dr. Lisa Love Website

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

About Dr. Lisa Love

Check out my NEW BOOK: SOUL SUCCESS: How to Create Joy & Prosperity in Good Times or Bad Buy the book and receive bonus gifts at my website.

Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction. She is also a Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction, and Tranformational coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast! Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way. Contact me to discover what I can do for you.

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE: Go to: http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong. — Ghandi

Notes From a Recovering Spiritual Addict

Priorities: Hundreds of years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove... but the world may be different, because I did something so bazzingly crazy that my ruins became a tourist attraction - Despair.com

Who could have imagined it? After what had amounted to decades of spiritual training, teaching, service, rigorous meditation practice, being a vegetarian, running for free one of the largest spirituality ecology, personal growth, alternative healing sites on the Internet, reading well over a thousand books (mostly on spirituality, self-help, and psychology), being trained by some incredible teachers, going through a number of intense mystical experiences (some even lasted non-stop for weeks), and earning a number of spiritual, transpersonal, psychological degrees, I of all people would want to take a break and go on what I called my “spiritual sabbatical.” Why?

 

Spiritual burn-out! Yes, I am a recovering spiritual addict.

Yep. It was time for me to acknowledge something similar to the title of a person’s book I really admire, Jack Kornfield. The name of the book? After the Ecstasy, The Laundry.

Or, maybe we could put it this way… After the Ecstasy.. I was…

* needing to focus more on finances.
* discovering what it was like to be a mother.
* learning the real nitty gritty lessons of relationships.
* finding out that sometimes “gurls (guru and girl combined) just want to have fun!”
* cleaning up in that washing machine the especially crusty stuff still sticking to me from my childhood.
* deciding at times it was better to sleep and zone out instead of meditate (and easier too!)
* learning as I went “beyond ananda” (like Swami Beyondananda — the comic alter ego of a friend of mine Steve Bhaerman), that sometimes you just have to say no matter how many realizations you have…”Heck if I know!”
* and so many more valuable lessons of being a human being, and not just a spiritual one.

So, why am I sharing this with you? Because there is something really incredible and different having gone through all of this in my new approach to spiritual work. And, it is based on the recognition that there is never really anything that exists outside of spiritual practice. It is all “grist for the mill.” Relaxing into this has brought a softness, humor, and ease into the whole process that too often did not exist in my life before. Plus, it is bringing a peaceful compassionate awareness regarding who I am (ultimately as the I AM, or One with all that is), and who I am (as the flawed but fantastic little speck of consciousness incarnate in a person named Lisa Love).

What then, was my spiritual sabbatical about and why do I feel it is over now? I think it was about taking a break from the intensity of a process and a practice that may at times have made me a bit too much. And, why do I now feel that sabbatical is over? Because as I ease back into a more rigorous practice I do so with a greater lightness in my approach. I don’t take it so seriously any more, though my intentions to practice again at a deeper and fuller level are still in place.

My hope for you then, is to be gentle as well as stern with yourself, and in balancing the two you find your own middle way. Then, you can even find ecstasy in the laundry, because you will enjoy learning about what is being sifted away, and what is emerging clean and fresh. Living more in the flow, instead of addicted to control, your spiritual practice will embrace more of everythng around you and within you with compassion and love.

Blessings,

Dr. Lisa Love

Dr. Lisa Love Website

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

About Dr. Lisa Love

Check out my NEW BOOK: SOUL SUCCESS: How to Create Joy & Prosperity in Good Times or Bad Buy the book and receive bonus gifts at my website.

Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction. She is also a Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction, and Tranformational coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast! Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way. Contact me to discover what I can do for you.

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE: Go to: http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

To Be Spiritual You Must Be Rich? Has It Really Come to THIS?

Here it is, the eve of Easter Sunday and on the eve of this holiday I can’t believe I read what I’ve posted below. It is especially strange to read this at a time of year when I contemplate Jesus on the cross as a symbol of the ultimate sacrifice of our ego, and the need to live more spiritually, primarily through the Law of Sacrifice and the Law of Service.

Apart from Jesus I also take inspiration from people like the Dalai Lama, Mother Teresa, Peace Pilgrim, and others like some Indian saints like Amaji, Ramana Marashi, Ramakrishna, and so forth.. yet here on this sacred night for me (as mostly a Christian, but one who appreciates other faiths) I read this just posted tonight on Bob Proctor’s new Facebook site (one of the main people behind The Secret DVD and book).

“WHATEVER may be said in praise of poverty, the fact remains that it is not possible to live a really complete or successful life unless one is rich. No man can rise to his greatest possible height in talent or soul development unless he has plenty of money; for to unfold the soul and to develop talent he must have many things to use, and he cannot have these things unless he has money to buy them with. Every person naturally wants to become all that they are capable of becoming; Success in life is becoming what you want to be. To understand the science of getting rich is therefore the most essential of all knowledge.”

Wow, has it really come to this? That none of us can believe we have had a successful life unless we are rich? That we can’t develop our souls to their fullest potential unless we are rich?

I guess countless saints, sages, and some of the most celebrated spiritual teachers after thousands of years are not very spiritual after all. Too bad they just didn’t know how to realize their “soul potential.” I guess countless nuns and monks who choose a life of poverty to focus totally on service, love, and spiritual cultivation have had no idea what they were talking about. Neither did billions of mothers and fathers throughout history and now who sacrificed for their children out of pure love and devotion — giving mainly their wisdom and example of pure love to their children even when they were not able to give anything else. Same could be said of millions of soldiers who gave their young lives on a battlefield. Spiritually UN-REALIZED all of them. Sorry, everyone, you were just too broke!

Well, now I know even more why I spent five years of my life immersed in the topic of Wealth and Spirituality for my Ph.D. studying what every major religion had to say about money and going into depth on this topic by studying both the wealthy and the poor. Sure, you can be rich and be spiritual even though most religious traditions say it is far harder to do both (the ego just gets too full of itself). But, to imply that you MUST be rich to be spiritual? No wonder I wrote my book BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiitual Power and the Law of Attraction book, which takes a far more balanced view than any of The Secret teachings do, especially if they are now acting like you HAVE to be rich to be spiritual.

Plus, this notion contributes to the same old “ego success game” balony that asserts that you are only successful if you have consumed lots of stuff (as the text above says, “you cannot have these things unless you have money to buy them”). Look 1,000 plant and animal species are going extinct every day. All around the world due to global warming the ice on our planet is now melting and drying up our water supply at an alarmingly rapid rate (get ahold of the book Extreme Ice and watch the new PBS program on it). The main reason the ice is melting and global warming is happening? It’s not CO2 emissions from cars, it’s the mass consumption of the world’s resources at an out of control pace. And, with all this going on we are being told we are only able to reach our soul potential if we are not even well off, but RICH as well? Ok, 7 billion people on the planet get going. Consume the rest of the world’s resources at a rapid pace to prove how spiritual we all are. We should all be extinct within 50 years if we do so.

Yes, it’s true. Money is power and it gives some people the power to manifest their beliefs on this Earth. But, that doesn’t mean you are spiritual if you have money, or that you are spiritual if you don’t. And, rest assured, if I’m counted again one day as one of the “rich” on this planet (and I was one of them in my first marriage and found very few spiritual people around me when I was one of them), you won’t hear me talk in such an offensive manner as to now imply that because I am rich again that now makes me spiritual, and everyone else around me at below a certain income level is not.

Why won’t you hear me talk that way? Because spirituality has nothing to do with money! It has everything to do with the kind of person you are whether you have money or not. Something real spiritual teachers have taught for thousands of years and still teach today. Why? Because it’s still true. Money can’t buy you love or happiness even. Only a good heart can bring that to you. And, along the same lines money can’t buy you spirituality either no matter how much the egos of some people try to trick you into believing it to be so.

Happy Easter everyone!

Blessings,

Lisa

Dr. Lisa Love Website

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

About Dr. Lisa Love

Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction. She is also a Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction, and Tranformational coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast! Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way. Contact me to discover what I can do for you.

The Bliss of Surrender – A Poem

Gently the heart opens.
For no reason, but to surrender.
To let the bliss of Spirit inside.

No desire, no wanting, no needing.
All is released. 

I am here, dissolving. 
Spirit is here, embracing.
Whistfully penetrating.
Joyfully penetrated.

Into stillness. 
Infinite emptiness. 

The mystery of Being.
The ecstasy of receiving.
That which already is, always has been, and ever will be.

Such peace in the Divine embrace.

Written 3/17/09. 
Copyright 2009 by Dr. Lisa Love

Happiness, The Power of Now, & the Law of Attraction

One of the most amusing things to me with some law of attraction practictioners is how they use the law of attraction to resist the present moment. An ancient spiritual truth expressed by all major religions and made more popular by Eckhart Tolle today, is how when we have the ability to fully accept and surrender to the present moment, we greatly increase happiness in life. But, sadly, many people use the law of attraction to avoid the present moment and therefore unwittingly increase the level of suffering and unhappiness in their lives. How does this happen?

Because the law of attraction propells us into a constant state where we avoid what is happening right now allowing us to spend our time in the present moment instead in a constant quest for what “should be” or what we “want to be” in the future. Example: I don’t like what is right now. Meaning I don’t like my current job, or economic situation, or relationship, or health condition, and so forth. So, I need to use the law of attraction to get out of where I am right now. Because only when I get a more attractive partner can I be happy. Only when I get more money can I be happy. Only when I lose ten more pounds can I be happy. So, I create a vision board, start doing all kinds of affirmations, whatever it takes to get out of this present moment and into what I believe a “better moment” might be. The problem is, since I have never learned to appreciate the gift of what is, right now, when I get to that next future moment (which is now the present moment), I have never learned to be content with what is, so I keep running after what I think I need next to be happy and so forth.

Ironically, the more you focus on this the more you perpetuate a chronic state of discontent and even fear. Because now is never good enough no matter what present moment you are in. By not being able to accept what is and spending all your time finding ways to run away from it, you increase unhappiness. Instead, if you could befriend the present moment by going into it more deeply, you could learn to extract the juice, the gift (such as increased awareness), and even the joy out of every moment you are in.

Example One: Avoiding the Present Moment.

You lose your job, or your partner no longer wants to be with you. You tell yourself, “This should not be.” You wail, you rage, you plot your vengence. Or, you immobilize in a state of confusion or grief and remain helpless and paralysed. In this state of great emotion you avoid the gift of right now. You run and react (instead of act) by using a law of attraction approach to help you get out of where you are now to attract a new job or new partner thinking then you will be happy. Then, all will be well. And, by doing this you become future, not present, bound.

Example Two: Accepting the Present Moment.

Here you accept as quickly as possible, “I have lost my job,” or “My partner no longer wants to be with me.” Maybe you will feel some grief, some anger, or another emotion. Instead of runnning from your feelings, you feel them. As you do so stillness emerges. Within the calm of the present moment you reawaken to the beauty of what is, right now. Gratitude swells up for what is. Depth emerges giving you the power to accept and appreciate more, what is right now. You find the gold, or the gift that lies within your present circumstances. The more you open up and trust in what this moment has to offer you, the more your sense of self expands making you more aware of not only what is, but of who you really are as a human, as the planet, and as part of the Universe. This puts you in a state of fullness, which is why I often say in the truest sense the law of attraction doesn’t exist. Because the more you empty out your ego identity (or your limited self) and expand into your identity as Spirit (as an unlimited self), the more you appreciate that even if at the level of the ego you don’t have what you want, as Spirit you already do!

The Law of Surrender

And, in that space Spirit is attempting to reveal to you what it wants for you in this moment. It has caused the present moment for a reason. As you stay open to this possibility you avoid the usual ego tendency to run from the present moment and to create a new future based upon it’s limited understanding. Instead, you surrender to what Spirit wants in this moment, leaving you open to a number of revelations. For example. Maybe you are not meant to get a job again right now. Maybe you are meant to rest for a bit, or enter into a training program for a new line of work. Or, maybe you are not meant to have a new relationship right away again. Maybe you are meant to be single for a time so you can grow into a new you! Staying in the present moment by first using the Law of Surrender before attempting to activate the Law of Attraction you find that in many ways, Spirit knows what is best. Opening up to what Spirit wants (which is ultimately opening up to what “you” want, since you are Spirit) not only leads you to a brighter future (or a happier succession of present moments) it leads you to serenity and peace brining you the opportunity to have a lifetime of joy and fulfillment.

Namaste,

Dr. Lisa Love

Dr. Lisa Love Website

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

About Dr. Lisa Love

Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction. She is also a Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction, and Tranformational coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast! Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way. Contact me to discover what I can do for you.

Visualization Tips

Dear Dr. Lisa,Dear Leslie,

I’ve been trying visualization methods, but they just don’t seem to work for me. I have friends who say they are effective. Am I doing something wrong?

Leslie
St. Petersburg, FL

 

Visualization can be a powerful tool if used correctly. Here are some tips to help you out. First, when you begin a visualization exercise, make sure your motive is good. Visualization techniques are not just about creating your own health, wealth, and happiness, but about finding out how your increased health, wealth, and happiness can also be used to help others achieve these same goals in their lives. By adding in the right motivation, in a sense we invite “Divine participation” into our creative visualization efforts.

Second, when I first started to practice visualization exercises many years ago, I realized that the capacity to visualize was not very strong in me. Of my five senses, my hearing and touch senses were more developed, and seeing pictures in my mind was not easy for me. So, I had to practice very simple visualization techniques to get me started. For example, for some time I simply tried to hold the image of a circle with a dot in the center (a symbol for the sun). Later I would image other simple geometric shapes, like a triangle, square, and so forth. Next, I would add color to the shapes, and put the shapes on top of each other. Over time, I would attempt to rotate the shapes and imagine what that would like. When I was at last able to master holding a stable image for some length of time, adding color and a three-dimensional perspective to it, I entered into more complex forms of visualization.

Why are these basic steps important? Because visualization is more powerful and effective, the more real it becomes to us. This is why one teacher I had even encouraged adding all the senses in a “visualization” exercise, not just the capacity to see images. For example, if you were to visualize yourself in a park, you would “see” the images in the park, sun, trees, grass, people, but you would also hear the sounds in the park (children playing, yourself breathing in and out, birds singing). Then, you would add the touch sense, feeling the wind touch your skin, the warmth of the sun on your body and the ground, and so forth. You would even add smell (the flowers, the water nearby, your own body scent, and so forth), and for those who could really get into it, you would add the last sense of taste, which is usually difficult for people to master (tasting the air on your tongue for example).

Why go through all this? Well, as you probably noticed even in what I wrote to you above, the entire scene begins to become increasingly real to you. And this is the power, the more real it becomes, the more likely you are to not only motivate yourself to make it real in your life, but to condition your body to respond as if it were real (which is why many of us respond to movies as if they were real, getting scared, happy, sad, even though it is only a “movie” on the screen).

In a way, visualization is a poor word, since it only indicates the use of one sense. But, the idea is that you can begin to change your life by using your five senses to re-imagine, or re-sense, your experience of life. And when this ability is added to the desire to change your life not only for the better, but to dedicate these changes to helping others improve their lives as well, that when the hand of the “divine” steps in, in my opinion, and empowers what you are doing even more.

A third step involves one not often talked about in books, which also might be the reason the tool is not working for you, and that is visualization exercises can often call up resistance to the very thing we are trying to manifest in our lives. In other words, each of us has certain habit patterns we have settled into in life. When we try to change those habit patterns, there is often resistance. This resistance can come in the form of a loss of personal will power, other people stepping in to discourage us, or simply forgetting to keep practicing our visualization exercise. Whatever the form of resistance, it is important to remember that persistence is the best way to overcome this. Persist in your visualization practice and success will be more likely that what you visualize will come true in your life.

Blessings,

Dr. Lisa

Want help with the above? I’m here to assist you.
Contact me at Dr. Lisa Love Website

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

About Dr. Lisa Love

Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction. She is also a Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction, and Tranformational coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast! Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way. Contact me to discover what I can do for you.

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE: http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

What is Spirituality? Key Points in Bold

(Copyright May 2002 by Lisa Love).

Below is a small excerpt from my Ph.D. dissertation on Weatlh & Spirituality where I was asked to do substantial research of the spiritual literature to come up with a defintion of spirituality. 

To help you sort through the required documentation in a Ph.D. dissertation, I have put the key points in bold.

Qualities of Spirituality

     What are some of the qualities associated with spirituality?  To begin with, some people (Braudy, 1997; Dunbar, 2000; Fridson, 2000, Goddard, 1995; Hill & Smith, 1995; Jagers & Smith, 1996; Kilpatrick, 1999; Niederman, 1999; Rolheiser, 1999; Roof, 1999) consider the qualities of energy, vitality, and power to be primary spiritual components. Ronald Rolheiser (1999) states: We can see from all of this that spirituality is about what we do with our spirits, our souls.  And can we see too from all of this that a healthy spirit or a healthy soul must do dual jobs: it has to give us energy and fire, so that we do not lose our vitality, and all sense of the beauty and joy of living.  Thus, the opposite of a spiritual person is not a person who rejects the idea of God and lives as a pagan.  The opposite of being spiritual is to have no energy, is to have lost all the zest for living – lying on a couch, watching football or sit-coms, taking beer intravenously! (pp. 11-12)

     Other qualities often attributed to spirituality include those of having a life purpose, or being endowed with the capacity to give one’s life meaning (Canda, 1988; Elkins, Hedstrom, Hughes, Leaf & Saunders, 1988; Frankl, 1967; Howden, 1993; McGrath, 1997; Wheat, 1991).  Still other people attribute spirituality to the belief in an Ultimate Reality (Banks, Poehler & Russell, 1984; Francis, 1986; Howden, 1993; Hungelmann, Kenkel-Rossi, Klassen, & Stollenwerk, 1985; Nagai-Jacobson & Burkhardt, 1989; Nierderman, 1999; Rolheiser, 1999; Wheat, 1991).  Niederman (1999) found in his research with over 300 people that this Ultimate Reality (or Ultimate Other as he called it) is usually made up of a “God archetype” (p. 91) of some kind, which is dependent upon the cultural and religious orientation a person holds.  The experience of an Ultimate Reality can be either dualistic or non-dualistic. The dualistic position sees the God-archetype as a being, force, or spirit out there somewhere that can be related to for inspiration, comfort, or aid.  The non-dualistic perspective asserts there really is no other in an ultimate sense, because that other is also within us as well. (Bailey, 1945; Brunton, 1984, 1986, 1988; Wilber, 1977, 1979)

     Another view of spirituality is that it pertains to a belief in life after death (Jagers and Smith, 1996; Niederman, 1999).  It also pertains to the capacity to contact the deceased, a view often found in indigenous shamanic traditions (Coogan, 1998; Noss, 1999, Ryan, 1999), the “spiritualists” movement of the late 19th century (Sadleir, 2000), and amongst modern day mediums and psychics (Sadleir, 2000).  Spirituality can also be associated with the cultivation of psychic powers and a cultivation of altered state experiences (Coogan, 1998; Noss, 1999, Ryan, 1999; Sadleir, 2000), which are often entered into as a means to contact the dead and access subtle realms of perception.      

     A number of other authors take issue with this view of spirituality.  Aurobindo (1948, 1958; Satprem, 1993), Bailey (1942), Brunton (1984, 1987b) and Underhill (1955)  warn that psychic powers and altered state experiences divorced from a moral base can inflate the ego and therefore impede spiritual growth.  Alice Bailey (1942) even goes so far as to assert that this kind of pursuit can really be a digression from cultivating what she calls the “higher psychic abilities” that include qualities such as a refined intellect, a calm emotional state, and other surprising words like discrimination, healing, active service, spiritual discernment, response to group need or vibration, and perfected knowledge to name a few (pp. 559 – 563).        

     Aurobindo (1948, 1958), Bailey (1922, 1937, 1942, 1945), Brunton (1984, 1988), Fowler (1981), Marion (2000), Satprem (1993), Underhill (1955), Wade (1996), and Wilber (1977, 1979, 1995, 1996, 2000) are a few of the leading thinkers who talk about spirituality as emerging primarily after an ego stage of development.  Spirituality occurs only when a certain developmental level of consciousness is reached, which Bailey (1922, 1937, 1945) refers to as undergoing the first initiation, Brunton (1984, 1986) speaks about as the beginning of the spiritual quest, Wade (1996) calls the level of transcendent consciousness, and Wilber (1995) refers to as the centauric, vision-logic, or psychic (1981) levels of consciousness.  At this point the ego begins to dissolve, or transcends itself (Elkins, Hedstrom, Hughes, Leaf, & Saunders, 1988; Frankl, 1962; Jackson, 1980; Jenkins, 1995; O’Brien, 1994; Niederman, 1999), and the life emphasis shifts from what one gets out of life for oneself, to what one can increasingly give to others  (Banks, Poehler, & Russell, 1984).  Bailey (1942) refers to this as the <b>shift from acquisition to contribution.</b>

     For a number of authors (Lane, 1987; McGrath, 1997; Shafranske, 1984, Zumeta, 1993) spirituality exists when there is a sense of community, or when someone becomes other oriented(concerned about others and not just oneself).  This sense of other can extend from simply a concern for one’s own family, to a broad concern for environmental and planetary welfare, which some authors believe only takes place when the individual has sufficiently transcended the ego (Bailey, 1937, 1945; Brunton, 1984, 1988; Wilber, 1995, 2000). 

     Finally, spirituality for many authors has to do with the cultivation of a number of traits that are often viewed as moral in nature (Beversluis, 2000; Kornfield, 2000; Teasdale, 1999, Walsh, 1999).  Both Wayne Teasdale (1999) and transpersonal psychiatrist Roger Walsh (1999) believe the emphasis on morality should be less on outer injunctions of how to live, and more upon behaviors derived from an inner realization of what Walsh (1999) calls the “direct experience of the sacred” (p. 3) which include the following qualities:  a) a reduction in cravings for material goods; b) a cultivation of emotional wisdom that manifests as compassion; c) the living of an ethical life; d) a concentrated and calm mind; e) the ability to see and recognize the sacred in all things; f) the cultivation of spiritual intelligence resulting in wisdom; g) and the desire to put spirit into action, through the embrace of generosity and the joy of service.  

     This view that spirituality is dependent upon the cultivation of certain qualities fits with the research study conducted by Niederman (1999) who found his participants equated spirituality most often with qualities that included: love and compassion; the ability to sit with mystery and not have all the answers; honesty, self-evaluation, positive thinking, patience, self-acceptance; good nutritional habits and exercise; forgiveness, self-disclosure, risking, touching, self-improvement; activities such as meditation, prayer, imaging; a desire to fashion one’s life into a life of holiness; inner strength; joy, peace, awareness, centeredness; release, gratitude, humility, tolerance, faith, commitment, surrender; an ability to see beyond the present reality; discipline, trust, love, commitment to spiritual practice, a sense of well-being, and a greater sense of connectedness and relatedness to others; and a sense of harmony with self, others, and the environment.

Towards a Global Ethic: An Initial Declaration

If we are seeking to use the law of attraction in a spiritual way then perhaps it helps if we know some moral and ethical guidelines to follow in helping us do so.  That is why I am posting this Global Ethic Declaration put together by spiritual leaders from all spiritual traditions who were part of the Parliment of World’s Religions.  I hope you take the time to read it.  http://www.urbandharma.org/pdf/ethic.pdf

Benefits of Meditation

In the deepest sense, meditation is perhaps the most powerful tool at our disposal. Since meditation is often equated with mystical or magical processes, it is too easily discounted and demeaned. Yet, meditation practices have remained essential to every truly creative and spiritual person throughout history. In short, the benefits of meditation are enormous! Some of the benefits of meditation can already be inferred from reviewing the basic definitions previously given. The most obvious ones include reducing stress through relaxation, and facilitating concentration by bringing the mind into sharper focus. These benefits are obvious because of their immediate impacts. The primary purpose of meditation goes far beyond this. Meditation is a primarily a technical process by which we alchemize and change our fundamental identity. Like the caterpillar metamorphosing into a butterfly, meditation is the tool by which we transform into an entirely new way of Being. Through it we gain concrete revelations regarding the nature of Spirit, and our essential immortality. This is the highest goal meditation can offer. It is also the last result we are likely to achieve. Before this takes place, many other advantages are progressively built in along the way. Let us briefly review these:

1. Producing a reasonable amount of physical well-being so there is health and vitality in the physical instrument. 

2. Creating a state of calm, joy, and optimism in the emotional instrument so problems and opportunities can be faced with courage and right action. 

3. Bringing peace of mind, discrimination, and “mindfulness” to the mental faculties so life can be seen clearly, allowing for reasonable and correct evaluation of reality. 

4. Coordinating an individual’s thinking, feeling, and acting components so he or she can more effectively carry out specific goals and intentions. 

5. Changing the identification of the individual from an egotistical focus, towards awakening and becoming receptive to the identity of being a soul. 

6. Producing continual transferences of identity so the individual continues to expand in conscious awareness. 

7. Facilitating the state of equilibrium at any one level by stabilizing the new vibration so an individual can embody and become the new level of identification. 

8. Allowing for the insights which help produce the means to be creative at whatever new level of identification one has reached. 

     Meditation involves an evolutionary process. As you can see, each benefit above builds on the one preceding it.  Though not every level needs to be mastered, proficiency is essential if we are to gain (and in return give) the most from meditative exercises.  As we progress throughout this course, we will deepen our understanding of primarily the first four benefits listed.  This is because they are the ones most readily grasped and applied by practitioners of meditation.  The majority of readings, questions, and multi-media meditations you encounter will help you achieve greater mastery along these lines.  Once you are able to ground your basic understanding and practice of these first four steps, you can move onto mastering the remaining steps in other advanced courses along these lines.  

Study Guide Questions for Consideration.

(Please answer the following questions to evaluate how you relate to the above).  

1. Consider what benefits you hope to gain from pursuing meditation practice.  Evaluate your motivations and reasons behind this.

2. Why in your opinion are the first four steps listed above considered so important as foundation to advanced meditative work?

 BUY THE EBOOK:  Meditation: The Path to Peace!

Surviving the Holidays – From Despair to Love

It’s the holidays.  A time of joy and excitement for many.  Families come together.  Festivities abound.  Prosperous people share gifts to celebrate their abundance.  Laughter, light, and good times are had by all involved. 

Yet, this is not true for everyone.  For many the holidays evoke a deep despair.  Memories leap forward of families that are broken and in disrepair.  Feelings of failure and shame surface over not having provided for those you love.  For some even the basics of food, clothing, and shelter are painfully out of reach.  Worst of all a toxic loneliness may fill every pore of your being creating a horrible sensation of lacking love.  It is as if the simplest gestures of human kindness, a hug, a smile, a bit of holiday cheer, don’t even exist for you.  All of this can make the holidays the very worst time of year.   So, how does one survive?  Especially when you live with stark realities that make this not a very pleasant time at all?  You could ignore it.  Or, wish it away.  You might even try thinking positive.  And, of course there is also that wonderful technique of listing and expressing gratitude for what you do have in your life.   

But, even I know, with all my psychological skill and training, these techniques quite bluntly don’t always work.  They don’t put food in your mouth.  They don’t reunite you with a loved one you are separated from.  They don’t remedy the fact that you are lucky at best to have any present to give to someone you care deeply about.  And, try as you might they may still not ease the loneliness, grief, shame, and despair lurking about inside and all around you. That is why I believe it is best to wipe away the popular conception of this holiday season and dive deeper into what the holidays are really all about. 

For this is a season of darkness and light.  In the Northern Hemisphere, it is the time of the Winter Solstice, when days are shortest and nights last longer.  It is natural for all to seem dark and bleak.  In many ways it literally is.  Yet, during this time of night, where pain and loss are often factors, humanity has created festivals of light.  Christmas, Kwanzaa, and Hanukkah.  All bring the light in one way or another.  By touching into the true spirit of these three festivals, light and love can be reborn in your life.      

Let’s begin with Christmas.  Rarely do we see the story that inspired Christmas on the television and in the movies anymore this time of year.  And, even if we do, we can feel oddly disconnected from it due to the heavy emphasis on Santa Clause and materialism.  Yet, Christmas is all about a story of those who had nothing.  Of those who if they chose could linger in justified despair.  Mary, pregnant with child.  Joseph her husband, concerned with the fact that he had no understanding of how he was to provide food, shelter, or even safety for his wife and child to be.  Two homeless, pauper, beggars wondering about in the night seeking a way to go. What in the world did they have to celebrate?  What would lift Joseph from his shame of not knowing how to provide for and protect well those he loved the most?  What would lift Mary from her fear of being forced to give birth in who knows what dark corner of this universe?   

Ironically, the child they birthed in a stable with animals as the main witnesses to the event, would not grow up to a life of great prosperity.  Eventually, that child would experience a brutal torture and death.  How in the world could such a story inspire so much and become the very foundation of this Christmas holiday season?  The answer is simple, but let me first reflect on two other holidays celebrated this time of year as well.  

Hanukkah.  Eight candles on a Menorah symbolizing a very dark time for a people long aware of suffering and pain.  Despite a legacy of turmoil they remained devout to their faith.  Of special meaning was the Temple — the place that allowed these people, the Jews, to come together to worship their God, read their holy books, and find peace and solace together.  Sadly, as is all too often the case in human history, oppressive and abusive tactics were used by those in power and of a different faith.  The Jews were massacred, Judaism was outlawed, and a statue of the Greek God Zeus was erected inside the Temple itself.  Only years later would the remaining Jews find a way to win back their temple.  The lighting of the Menorah is a memory of that victory, symbolizing as well the right to worship the Divine in a way that inspires one the most.     

And, Kwanzaa.  A modern holiday also involving symbols of light.  Rooted in the African-American civil rights movement, it honors the history of a people who (like the Jews and Christians) had experienced hundreds of years of oppression and brutality.  Only in very recent times has this oppression and brutality begun to be recognized and in very marginal ways been lifted.   

Though gift giving exists in all these three festivals, gifts do not reflect the real meaning, or Spirit, of this time of year.  So, what in the world is this holiday season really all about?  Unlike the modern day emphasis where gifts and good times are used to insulate people from the pain and suffering of many in the world, these holidays invite us down a different path.  They ask us to become more, not less, aware of the suffering all around us.  They ask us to remember that there are many who do not have families to turn to.  Physical or emotional separation has cut them off from what was meant to be a vital source of love.  Others struggle for food, clothing, and shelter.  Though they try to cope well with this, it is much harder to do so in the midst of a season that wants to emphasize only plenty and prosperity.  As I write this oppression and cruelty still exist all around the globe, and far too few of us are truly experiencing love, compassion, peace on Earth, or goodwill. Yet, out of darkness comes light.  It is not simply the light of hope that we are seeking to ignite as we light Hanukkah and Kwanzaa candles, or reflect on events that happened on a starry, starry Christmas night so long ago.  It is the light of love that we are here to birth.   

So, here are gifts of love I encourage you give at this time of year.  I believe these gifts go far beyond “toys for tots” and canned goods and turkeys for hungry families.   

The Gift of Family. If you are blessed with a close and loving family, decide to add one person into your family circle this time of year and share with them the love you feel.  As you include them give them the gift of healing that I describe below. 

If you are estranged from your family, reach out!  You are not alone.  If you feel suicidal (suicides increase dramatically at this time of year) call a suicide hotline.  Here are two: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433), 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).  If you are depressed, get help.  Seek out a doctor if you need medication and can afford it.  If you cannot, reaching out to others is even more important.  If you are woman, find a way to talk out your feelings with someone.  Use the numbers above to share your crisis if you feel no one is there.  If you are a man, sharing your problems can evoke feelings of shame.  Attempt to go beyond this and focus on finding those who can give you an action plan to help turn your life around.    

The Gift of Healing. If you are blessed with a good feeling this time of year, remember this is the holiday of goodwill.  Will yourself to share those good feelings by offering support to those who are filled with shame and fear at this time of year.  Men tend to feel shame more than fear, especially over not being able to provide for and protect their families, as they would have hoped to.  Women tend to experience fear more than shame, especially the fear that they will be abandoned and left alone in their struggle to cope.   

If you are struggling with dark and negative feelings, acknowledge them.  They are legitimate.  Don’t try to wish them away.  They are there to teach you.  If you feel shame, find someone safe to talk to who can give you insight and offer solutions to help you lift out of your current life situation.  If you feel fear, do anything to avoid being alone.  Go to a church, synagogue, or mosque.  Stop hiding and let other people see and acknowledge you.  Find those who will offer you compassion and share your struggle with them.  Let them support you, even if it just comes only in the way of a smile and a hug.    

The Gift of Prosperity.  If you are presently experiencing prosperous conditions at this time in your life, look at your habits of consumption.  Ask yourself, “Do I really need everything I acquire?”  Consider if you are using whatever you have in a positive way, or simply wasting what you spend money on because you don’t sufficiently use or appreciate it.  Next, open your heart. Try to be more conscious of the people who are out there experiencing financial lack.  Avoid simply feeling grateful for your own abundance.  Consider that as a recipient of that abundance you are here to serve others and help them acquire more of what they need as well. 

If you are presently experiencing an adverse financial time, strategize and get support.  There are more options for help out there than you know of.  If need be tap into social service resources.  Consider debt consolidation.  Look for work in a field that will help you make more money.  Evaluate whether you think you are worthy of prosperity and get rid of any beliefs that may cause you to feel you are not.  If you are part of a lower economic group, become politically active.  Assert your basic rights to food, clothing, and shelter.  You deserve it.    T

he Gift of Love. And, here it is.  The greatest gift of all.  The gift this holiday season is really all about.  Love is best shown through compassion.  Compassion is the willingness to acknowledge and embrace the pain of others without triggering into your own emotional reactions of guilt, shame, and fear.  Compassion helps people heal.  Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa all help us remember that ultimately we are here to heal the suffering of others.  That is the spiritual message of this holiday season.  More than any other time of year, this is the season for contribution, not consumption.  Contribute your love through a hug, a smile, a look, or a of simple kindness.  Best of all, show you care by opening your heart and feeling empathy for your own suffering, and the suffering of others.  Then you will know at the deepest level, what we are intended to realize at this most holy time of year.

 Thank you for reading this article.  If you have found this inspiring, or know someone who would benefit from it, I invite you to pass it along.   Dr. Lisa Lovewww.doctorlisalove.com