Why Real Love Requires Self-Love

April 28, 2009

MAIN QUOTE

“We are want to condemn self-love; but what we really mean to condemn is contrary to self-love. It is that mixture of selfishness and self-hate that permanently pursues us, that prevents us from loving others, and that prohibits us from losing ourselves.” ~ Paul Valery, French Poet, 1871 – 1945

DR. LISA LOVE REFLECTIONS

As a counselor I have often told people that they need to learn to love themselves. Yet, while saying this to others, I have at times taken pause to reflect and ask myself, “What does that really mean? How do we know the difference between a self-love and a selfish love? And, what can we do practically to love ourselves in the right way?” Perhaps the quote above holds a clue, because I believe true self love fills us with enough joy, peace, and love that our desire to be loving human beings grows. Because of this we want to express more empathy, compassion, and understanding towards others. Selfish love does the contrary. It increases our sense of self-loathing or our disdain and anger towards others. It causes us to act increasingly in our own best interests without considering the interests of others. It causes us to want to sacrifice others needs and desires in service to our own, instead of the other way around. Or, it causes us to self-destruct through a number of behaviors that may feel good temporarily, but ultimately they lead to the shutting down of our hearts and spiral us downward into increased self-loathing and self-reproach.

How then do we love ourselves in the right way? By first and foremost learning what love is. Then, by insisting that we feed ourselves with that love. This is best done by finding people who know how to love. From them we learn how to adopt loving mindsets, feelings, and behaviors. And, it is done by setting boundaries on people who don’t know how to encourage the greatest level of love in us. Because when we truly have that kind of love in our lives we are increasingly a blessing to others. Which is why real love requires that we love ourselves in the right way, so we can have the strength to love, the wisdom to love, and the energy to love those who need our love the most.

Blessings,

Dr. Lisa Love

Dr. Lisa Love Website

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

About Dr. Lisa Love

Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction. She is also a Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction, and Tranformational coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast! Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way. Contact me to discover what I can do for you.

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE: Go to: http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html


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April 21, 2009

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Why Real Love Requires Honesty

April 21, 2009

MAIN QUOTE

A lie will easily get you out of a scrape, and yet, strangely and beautifully, rapture possesses you when you have taken the scrape and left out the lie. ~Charles Edward Montague, Disenchantment

DR. LISA LOVE REFLECTIONS

Recently, I picked up a great book, Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey. Overall, I love the book except one part of it gave me pause and made me reflect. It was in the chapter about “Why Men Cheat” on their wives, girlfriends, etc. Harvey’s basic answers are: 1) They Can. 2) They Think They Can Get Away With It. 3) He Hasn’t Become Who He Wants and Needs to Be or Found Who He Truly Wants. 4) What’s Happening at Home Isn’t Happening Like it Used To. 5) There’s Always a Woman Out There Willing to Cheat With Him. And, ultimately he explains the man hasn’t got his priorities straight especially in having a real and meaningful spiritual practice in his life.

Ok. So far, so good. And, I also agree with what Harvey says regarding why a man is able to get away with his cheating and lying behavior with the women he is with. One reason this happens Harvey explains (using my paraphraze of what he says not his exact words now) is because any woman he is with hasn’t set high enough standards in her life to respect and love herself enough to see what is going on right in front of her and take a stand about it. She basically colludes in the notion that denial is good for you. After all, “What you don’t know won’t hurt you.” And, since her denial lets him get away with what he wants to, he is happy to join in on the denial party with her. But, denial is not good for you and it feeds one of my four major love myths I discuss in my Attracting Real Love course — love is blind. Wrong! Real love actually requires 20 – 20 vision because you only know how to really love yourself and others when you are seeing what you need to see clearly.

Which is why when I read this in Harvey’s book I decided I couldn’t disagree more. He says if a woman starts to catch on to a man’s cheating and lying behavior and starts to ask questions a man is going to just do more of his lying and denying game. Why? Harvey says men will do this “if we care about you. But, if not — if a man doesn’t see you fitting into his life plan — he won’t even bother with all of the covering up.” WHOA!!! Come on, Steve! I know the rest of your book also says that a man who really loves a woman won’t cheat, but let’s clear this up right now! Le’t not make it seem like somebody is cheating and hiding the truth from someone out of love. No way, no how!

So, why do we really lie? Plain and simple We’re afraid. Period. Why are we afraid? We don’t love ourselves or the people around us enough to live in truth. And, real love requires the truth. Not some blunt rude make people feel stupid and horrible version of truth. But, truth nonetheless! And, if you want proof of who has the most loving relationships going on between them? Well, it’s between people who can live in truth completely. They love and respect each other so much they want to be honest with them. They care about not hurting them. They care about being loved and respected in return for who they are flaws and all. And, they want a partner who can hear the truth and help bring it all into the realm of consciousness in a loving way and heal any fear in the realm of love. That means the more a couple lies to each other, the more they actually are in fear of each other, which means love really isn’t very present at all.

Now, why do we refuse to live in truth? It’s simple. We are thinking more about ourselves and coming from our egos. We simply don’t want to have to face the consequences of what we are doing and being forced to change our hurtful behaviors. We don’t want to feel bad about ourselves by having to see clearly what is really going on. Or, to share another quote, <i>We tell lies when we are afraid… afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger. ~Tad Williams.</i> In short, we are afraid to love and feed fear in our lives instead.

Ok, I don’t expect people to be perfect. But, try this on for size. Next time you catch yourself or other people telling lies ask yourself this, “What am I afraid of and how does this reflect a lack of love in myself or a lack of love regarding the people I am with?” Then, ask this, “What would it be like to love myself and others enough to be willing to take the scrape, instead of give one?”

Notice this as well. Despite what people say finding out the truth doesn’t hurt! What hurts is discovering how much there was a lack of love and how real love was replaced by deception and fear. Remember, real love heals it doesn’t hurt. And, though it may hurt to find out about lies, shedding them actually opens you up to attracting more real love in your life creating space for the rapture described in the main quote above — for yourself and the people around you.
Blessings,

Dr. Lisa Love

Dr. Lisa Love Website

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

About Dr. Lisa Love

Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction. She is also a Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction, and Tranformational coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast! Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way. Contact me to discover what I can do for you.

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE: Go to: http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html


To Be Spiritual You Must Be Rich? Has It Really Come to THIS?

April 12, 2009

Here it is, the eve of Easter Sunday and on the eve of this holiday I can’t believe I read what I’ve posted below. It is especially strange to read this at a time of year when I contemplate Jesus on the cross as a symbol of the ultimate sacrifice of our ego, and the need to live more spiritually, primarily through the Law of Sacrifice and the Law of Service.

Apart from Jesus I also take inspiration from people like the Dalai Lama, Mother Teresa, Peace Pilgrim, and others like some Indian saints like Amaji, Ramana Marashi, Ramakrishna, and so forth.. yet here on this sacred night for me (as mostly a Christian, but one who appreciates other faiths) I read this just posted tonight on Bob Proctor’s new Facebook site (one of the main people behind The Secret DVD and book).

“WHATEVER may be said in praise of poverty, the fact remains that it is not possible to live a really complete or successful life unless one is rich. No man can rise to his greatest possible height in talent or soul development unless he has plenty of money; for to unfold the soul and to develop talent he must have many things to use, and he cannot have these things unless he has money to buy them with. Every person naturally wants to become all that they are capable of becoming; Success in life is becoming what you want to be. To understand the science of getting rich is therefore the most essential of all knowledge.”

Wow, has it really come to this? That none of us can believe we have had a successful life unless we are rich? That we can’t develop our souls to their fullest potential unless we are rich?

I guess countless saints, sages, and some of the most celebrated spiritual teachers after thousands of years are not very spiritual after all. Too bad they just didn’t know how to realize their “soul potential.” I guess countless nuns and monks who choose a life of poverty to focus totally on service, love, and spiritual cultivation have had no idea what they were talking about. Neither did billions of mothers and fathers throughout history and now who sacrificed for their children out of pure love and devotion — giving mainly their wisdom and example of pure love to their children even when they were not able to give anything else. Same could be said of millions of soldiers who gave their young lives on a battlefield. Spiritually UN-REALIZED all of them. Sorry, everyone, you were just too broke!

Well, now I know even more why I spent five years of my life immersed in the topic of Wealth and Spirituality for my Ph.D. studying what every major religion had to say about money and going into depth on this topic by studying both the wealthy and the poor. Sure, you can be rich and be spiritual even though most religious traditions say it is far harder to do both (the ego just gets too full of itself). But, to imply that you MUST be rich to be spiritual? No wonder I wrote my book BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiitual Power and the Law of Attraction book, which takes a far more balanced view than any of The Secret teachings do, especially if they are now acting like you HAVE to be rich to be spiritual.

Plus, this notion contributes to the same old “ego success game” balony that asserts that you are only successful if you have consumed lots of stuff (as the text above says, “you cannot have these things unless you have money to buy them”). Look 1,000 plant and animal species are going extinct every day. All around the world due to global warming the ice on our planet is now melting and drying up our water supply at an alarmingly rapid rate (get ahold of the book Extreme Ice and watch the new PBS program on it). The main reason the ice is melting and global warming is happening? It’s not CO2 emissions from cars, it’s the mass consumption of the world’s resources at an out of control pace. And, with all this going on we are being told we are only able to reach our soul potential if we are not even well off, but RICH as well? Ok, 7 billion people on the planet get going. Consume the rest of the world’s resources at a rapid pace to prove how spiritual we all are. We should all be extinct within 50 years if we do so.

Yes, it’s true. Money is power and it gives some people the power to manifest their beliefs on this Earth. But, that doesn’t mean you are spiritual if you have money, or that you are spiritual if you don’t. And, rest assured, if I’m counted again one day as one of the “rich” on this planet (and I was one of them in my first marriage and found very few spiritual people around me when I was one of them), you won’t hear me talk in such an offensive manner as to now imply that because I am rich again that now makes me spiritual, and everyone else around me at below a certain income level is not.

Why won’t you hear me talk that way? Because spirituality has nothing to do with money! It has everything to do with the kind of person you are whether you have money or not. Something real spiritual teachers have taught for thousands of years and still teach today. Why? Because it’s still true. Money can’t buy you love or happiness even. Only a good heart can bring that to you. And, along the same lines money can’t buy you spirituality either no matter how much the egos of some people try to trick you into believing it to be so.

Happy Easter everyone!

Blessings,

Lisa

Dr. Lisa Love Website

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

About Dr. Lisa Love

Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction. She is also a Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction, and Tranformational coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast! Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way. Contact me to discover what I can do for you.


Let’s Be the Change Video

April 8, 2009

An inspirational and motivational video that talks about the changes we can make to improve our lives and our world.  Sponsored by Sancorpe.  Script and movie by Dr. Lisa Love (author of Beyond the Secret).  Music by Dennis Connor and Allan Phillips.

Help spread the word.  Link this video to your Facebook, MySpace, or other website!  Thank you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReAKvag69x4


Cosmic Blessing Video

April 8, 2009

A deeply healing and meditative video designed to calm and bless you. Presented by Sancorpe and Dr. Lisa Love (author of Beyond the Secret). Music by Dennis Connor and Allan Phillips. 

View my new video creation here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=astiGXbdgWw