Perhaps it helps by understanding what people generally mean when they say “love is blind.” Typically, they are saying that they are willing to overlook certain things that annoy them. Or, that they are “crazy in love” with someone, so regardless of obvious negative traits the person possesses, they willfully blindly ignore them. They may even be saying that they don’t want to know what the other person is really like, as it will upset their capacity to love them anymore.
What is all of this really saying to us? Yes, it can be a good to learn how to overlook certain things in a relationship that may disturb the overall balance of love. But, are you really overlooking them, or putting them in perspective, which means you see them clearly, but decide in the larger scheme of the relationship and of love, that they are really not the most important things to focus on? Unless of course, they are! Because too often people overlook problems in a relationship that are really acting like “acid on the pipe” (a phrase my clients know me to use often). Why “acid on the pipe?” Because though they seem minor, they have the power to erode even the strongest metal, or foundation of a relationship. And, no loving relationship is helped by problems being ignored in such a way the very foundation of love within the relationship is gradually destroyed.
In fact. this unwise overlooking of the truth by chosing to remain blind has created problems for nearly everyone. It is the main reason “love” often ends tragically (which means in truth love wasn’t very present to begin with, blindness was). Why is this? Because in the name of “love” we overlook numerous red flags that will obviously lead to serious problems later on. These include abusive and addictive patterns, irresponsible handling of career and finances, obvious disregard for the feelings and needs of others, codependent patterns and more. Instead of generating love, this willful overlooking of negative behaviors feeds the lack of love. (Remember this one, I Lack Love, or I.L.L., which is the end result). What would love really require in these situations? Quite honestly, it would require the courage to look at these problematic behaviors head on, and in a loving way (for yourself and others) insist they be dealt with and resolved.
But, when we willfully ignore reality, and turn a “blind eye” to what our loved ones are doing, this isn’t love. It’s fear. Fear of finding out the truth. Fear of not knowing how to handle the truth if it is revealed. Fear of being left alone if love requires the loving removal of negative people and behaviors from your life. Fear of having to confront the unloving aspects of yourself. In all these examples, fear dominates, love does not. And, where fear exists, love cannot be present. The two simple can’t reside together, because love is one of the main things that overcomes fear to begin with.
What we discover then is that love is far from blind, it is conscious. As I am frequently known to say, it requires 20/20 vision. It requires the courage to see clearly. As we see clearly, it then requires the wisdom to love in the most intelligent and powerful way whatever (or whoever) comes into our lives. How do we know we are loving in an intelligent and powerful way? Simple. We expand within ourselves and others the capacity to love. That requires, however, knowing what love entails, something we will continue to learn in our discovery of real love. So, let us finally once and for all put the “love is blind” myth on the shelf! So, that real love is something we can finally invite fully, and consciously, into our lives.
Copyright 2009 by Dr. Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.
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