How to Cope When Your Loved One Pulls Away

January 20, 2010
Oh my! Ouch! What a painful thing. There you are, everything is going so spectacular with the one you love, then for some reason he or she pulls back from you leaving you confused, angry, and/or hurt. How do you cope in the best way with such a painful situation?

Dear Friend,

My name is Dr. Lisa Love and I have spent most of my life attempting to understand what love is and help others attract and keep more love in their lives through my Attracting & Keeping REAL Love Programs. (Check out my Prepare Yourself for Love Program here).

I know that love relationships go in cycles. Over and over again we come together and then pull apart. Why? Because love is always a balance of the two urges of attachment and freedom (being with others and being by ourselves). And, truth be told that is a healthy thing. Because truly loving relationships involve a healthy mix of loving others and loving ourselves, which these cycles of being together and then pulling apart provide for us.

But, that is not always an easy thing to handle. It could be that we are totally enjoying someone and wanting more and more of that wonderful experience, but then something triggers off in the other person, and suddenly they pull away. For example, I would like to share an experience that Paul, a client of mine, shared with me.


Dear Dr. Lisa,

I was having a wonderful time with the woman I love, one of our best times ever. Then, suddenly, she pulled back and went into one of her emotional phases of turmoil and doubting me. It is so frustrating having to deal with this, especially since I was feeling closer to her than ever. Why do women do this?



Here is my response.

Dear Paul,

What a tough thing, feeling so close to someone and then poof they seem to be gone. Of course, women are not the only ones who do this, men do it as well (ask the many women out there who deal with this all the time). The main difference between when men and women do this, is that men just tend to disappear without much discussion about it, or give what seem to be “logical” reasons for taking off (like needing to work, or wanting to take space for themselves).

Women don’t always respond like that. They are much more likely to pull back in an emotional way and express verbally that they are feeling hurt or overwhelmed. Both responses can cause pain and confusion. So how do you deal with this pulling away cycle? There are many answers, and I talk about a number of them in my Attracting & Keeping REAL Love: Prepare Yourself for Love Program.

First of all I want you to understand that whenever someone pulls away from being with you, it is because he or she has hit a place inside that they are attempting to love. Reasons can be numerous, but in general people pull away because they feel confused and need time to sort out what they are really wanting in life, love, and relationships. Or, which may be the case with your girlfriend, some emotional wound or is being triggered that causes fear and doubt.

True, to someone who cares about them, this can all be hurtful, because you are not in that place at the moment. So, what do you do? As I discuss in my Finding Love Audio Program and Attracting Real Love Ebook, the best thing you can do is put the focus back on you. Yes, you want to be with your loved one, to help him or her. That is a good thing and by all means it is important to keep your heart open to him or her so you can be a loving and understanding presence for them when they return.

But, none of us can control how others feel about us, if they want to be with us, or if they trigger off after interacting with us somehow. All we can do is let them do what they need to do, and go back to loving and being there for ourselves. Get out your “I Am Lovable” Emergency Response Kit (that I talk about in my Attracting Real Love Ebook), and do something to keep your own loving vibration strong. The person you love will return to you, and if you are in a loving space, and able to respond to him or her in a loving way, then the love between the two of you will only grow stronger.

Want more help? Check out my Attracting & Keeping REAL Love: Prepare Yourself for Love Program.

Or, call me for a coaching session. Learn more on at this address.

Blessings and love,

Dr. Lisa Love

Copyright 2009 by Dr. Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.



How Do I Get Someone to Want Me?

January 17, 2010

It’s a question I get a lot, and it’s based on that deep inner yearning to have someone special in your life — how do get someone you want to want you, especially someone you really want?

That would be so nice, wouldn’t it?  Yet, often that may not happen in life.  But, there is something you can do about it, and I want you to pay very close attention to this.  You, see, as I always teach others, to attract love you have to be love.  You have to learn to be a loving human being no matter what.  And, that’s exactly what I teach in my Attracting & Keeping REAL Love: Prepare Yourself for Love Program.

So, what stops us from being a loving human being? Here is a letter I got from a client that I want to share with you precisely about this topic.


Dear Dr. Lisa,

For so long now I have wanted to find that special someone.  There are a number of men I am interested in, but nothing seems to every work out.  I am beginning to worry if there is something wrong with me.  Why can’t I get anybody to love me?  I want love more than anything else in the world.

Dear Angela,

What a tough place you are in, because I know you, like everyone, deserve love.  And, it can hurt not to have loving people in your life.  Here is what I want you to know. 

Whenever we don’t feel wanted in life, chances are it springs from a deep wound where we have felt abandoned by people we hoped would care for us early on in our lives, who did not.  You see one of the most magical things about love is when someone reflects back to us that we are a person worthy of love.  When we don’t get that, when people belittle, abuse, or neglect us, it can lead to a deep inner feeling of despair, and make us believe we are unlovable, or will never attract real love into our lives.   

I know that feeling due to circumstances in my own life.  But, it’s not a feeling that has to last, even if you “step back into the puddle” of that helpless emotion now and then.  There are things you can do to lift yourself out of that dark emotion and reflect back to yourself, regardless of whether others do or not, that you are a child of the Divine, not only worthy of love, but completely lovable.

Ok, but how do we do that practically?  How do we learn to love ourselves so that we become love, and then others naturally want to be around us?  There are many answers, and I talk about a number of them in my Attracting & Keeping REAL Love: Prepare Yourself for Love Program.

But, for now let me share a few great tips here that my programs talk about.  Ultimately, I want you to put together an “I am Lovable” Emergency Response Kit!  Inside this response kit, you are going to put all the things you can think of to help you raise your vibration back into the realm of love, where you know you are love, and love is naturally attracted back to you.  In essence you will learn to want yourself, whether others around you want to be with you, or not! 

In my Attracting & Keeping REAL Love Programs, especially in my Finding Love audio program and Attracting Real Love Ebook I give a lot of details about what your response kit can be comprised of.  But, here are a few general suggestions. That kit has to include the following areas: Spiritual, Personal, Mental, Emotional, Physical. 

Under each of these categories I put lots of ways you can feel good and feel loved no matter what is going on in your life.  I can’t begin to tell you how many times my own “I am Lovable” Emergency Response Kit has helped me lift out of a feeling of not being loved or wanted in my own life.  And, I very much want you to know how to do this as well. 

As I always teach my clients, no one has the power to reject you, not want you, or abandon you unless somewhere inside yourself you reject, no longer want, or abandon yourself.  That’s hard to learn when we are children and dependent on others for love.  But, we can learn to accept, want, and love ourselves as adults.  That’s what I am here for, and what I so want for myself and all those who come into my life.   

Want more help?  Check out my Attracting & Keeping REAL Love: Prepare Yourself for Love Program.

Or, call me for a coaching session.  Learn more on at this address.

Blessings and love,

Dr. Lisa Love                          

Copyright 2010 by Dr. Lisa Love.  All Rights Reserved