My name is Dr. Lisa Love and I have spent most of my life attempting to understand what love is and help others attract and keep more love in their lives through my Attracting & Keeping REAL Love Programs. (Check out my Prepare Yourself for Love Program here).
I know that love relationships go in cycles. Over and over again we come together and then pull apart. Why? Because love is always a balance of the two urges of attachment and freedom (being with others and being by ourselves). And, truth be told that is a healthy thing. Because truly loving relationships involve a healthy mix of loving others and loving ourselves, which these cycles of being together and then pulling apart provide for us.
But, that is not always an easy thing to handle. It could be that we are totally enjoying someone and wanting more and more of that wonderful experience, but then something triggers off in the other person, and suddenly they pull away. For example, I would like to share an experience that Paul, a client of mine, shared with me.
Dear Dr. Lisa,
I was having a wonderful time with the woman I love, one of our best times ever. Then, suddenly, she pulled back and went into one of her emotional phases of turmoil and doubting me. It is so frustrating having to deal with this, especially since I was feeling closer to her than ever. Why do women do this?
Here is my response.
What a tough thing, feeling so close to someone and then poof they seem to be gone. Of course, women are not the only ones who do this, men do it as well (ask the many women out there who deal with this all the time). The main difference between when men and women do this, is that men just tend to disappear without much discussion about it, or give what seem to be “logical” reasons for taking off (like needing to work, or wanting to take space for themselves).
Women don’t always respond like that. They are much more likely to pull back in an emotional way and express verbally that they are feeling hurt or overwhelmed. Both responses can cause pain and confusion. So how do you deal with this pulling away cycle? There are many answers, and I talk about a number of them in my Attracting & Keeping REAL Love: Prepare Yourself for Love Program.
First of all I want you to understand that whenever someone pulls away from being with you, it is because he or she has hit a place inside that they are attempting to love. Reasons can be numerous, but in general people pull away because they feel confused and need time to sort out what they are really wanting in life, love, and relationships. Or, which may be the case with your girlfriend, some emotional wound or is being triggered that causes fear and doubt.
True, to someone who cares about them, this can all be hurtful, because you are not in that place at the moment. So, what do you do? As I discuss in my Finding Love Audio Program and Attracting Real Love Ebook, the best thing you can do is put the focus back on you. Yes, you want to be with your loved one, to help him or her. That is a good thing and by all means it is important to keep your heart open to him or her so you can be a loving and understanding presence for them when they return.
But, none of us can control how others feel about us, if they want to be with us, or if they trigger off after interacting with us somehow. All we can do is let them do what they need to do, and go back to loving and being there for ourselves. Get out your “I Am Lovable” Emergency Response Kit (that I talk about in my Attracting Real Love Ebook), and do something to keep your own loving vibration strong. The person you love will return to you, and if you are in a loving space, and able to respond to him or her in a loving way, then the love between the two of you will only grow stronger.
Want more help? Check out my Attracting & Keeping REAL Love: Prepare Yourself for Love Program.
Or, call me for a coaching session. Learn more on at this address.
Blessings and love,
Dr. Lisa Love
Copyright 2009 by Dr. Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.
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