Well, it’s happened again, yet another women client calling me up in tears to tell me she is the other women (or married woman) feeling hateful and upset over another woman being in her man’s life. Tragic, but both these women have their hurt and anger misdirected. Instead of being angry and upset with each other, they should feel pity for one another. Then they can turn their hurt and anger where it belongs, on the jerk they are both in a relationship with who gets some sort of sick satisfaction in seeing them cat-fight over him.
Yes, both women have made an investment in the cheating man who is primarily using both of them to boost his sagging ego and to entertain himself and various parts of his anatomy, while making sure his pocketbook stays secure. Because it is painful for these women to think that maybe this is a bad investment to begin with, they may have trouble seeing that they both have some healing work to do on themselves. Sadly, instead of admitting they need help and healing, they find it easier to take it out on the so-called obstacle to their happiness — the other woman in the picture.
And, YES! It is much harder to admit that the man you found so exciting and entrancing is really a jerk. Pity the woman (yourself or the other woman) who lacks the courage and self love to get out and instead is willing to tolerate such awful treatment.
And, NO! Just because he can abuse, lie to, and cheat on more than one woman doesn’t mean he is a good catch. It actually means he is a really lousy one.
And, YES! You have been duped by his so-called charming behaviors. In fact, you have become a victim of them. If the other woman wants to remain a vicitm, let her. Why should you continue to put up with such behavior?
And, NO! Leaving this jerk and letting the other woman have him doesn’t mean you will end up alone. It means you will end up free from horrible treatment and give yourself the chance to really find a loving guy. By the way there are loving men out there.
And, YES! Do pity the other woman who doesn’t have the courage to say no to such awful treatment. Offer her compassion even. The fact is her life is hell. She only thinks it might not be hell because she is deluded enough to believe that because her guy can dupe and abuse more than one woman, that is proof he must be really “something.” He is, but I don’t want to say exactly what he is here. Rather, I will play nice and encourage him to heal his own sagging ego and selfishness by getting into counseling or taking up a serious spiritual practice. The fact of the matter is, he needs help.
And, NO! She is not better than you, or prettier than you, or more sexy. She is simply just as deluded as you that this guy is worth the effort. He isn’t. Any woman of real worth would see that, and would get out, or avoid these kind of relationships to begin with. Now it’s your turn to do just that. The question is where is your self-worth and how can you find it to pack up and leave and find someone who knows how to treat you a heck of a lot better?
In the meantime, I know it is hard to do the above. That is why I am here to help you. Just give yourself a break, have compassion for yourself, and if you haven’t gotten out of this horrible relationship, then get help with that too. Or, if you have gotten out, congratulate yourself and pray for the other woman that she will love herself enough to get out as well. Then your cat-fight will turn into something brighter and more spiritual, it will become a light fight, as you fight to bring in the light you both need
to help each other heal.
Love and blessings,
Copyright 2011 by Dr. Lisa Love. All rights reserved.
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