Feeling Like a Fool? The Positive & Negative Roles of the Fool in Your Life

April 1, 2010

It’s April Fool’s Day, a time when people enjoy making a fool of themselves, or love to be fooled.  But, as many of us know, being fooled doesn’t always feel so great.  Sometimes it is, and isn’t fun, to be made a fool of.
 
In many cultures the fool can be known as the clown and the trickster.  As the clown, the fool invites us to laugh at our troubles, to look on the bright side of life, to lighten up, and not take ourselves too seriously.  The “clown fool” also helps us see our true worth, even when we feel foolish, or fooled, by others. 
 
As the trickster, the fool reveals to us the ways we lack wisdom making us feel downright stupid. The “trickster fool” has the opposite effect of the “clown fool.”  Instead of feeling better about ourselves, we end up feeling worse.  That is because the “trickster fool” uses the tools primarily of lies and deception, consciously or unconsiously, taking advantage of us somehow.  After an encounter with the “trickster fool” we usually end up feeling deceived, lied to, wounded, bruised, and taken advantage of.  Getting fooled in this way can really hurt.  It may even take years to recover as our energy, trust in others and life, and ability to honor our own wisdom and judgment is seriously depleted. 
 
So, what are the positive and negative ways to “play the fool” or “cultivate the fool” in your life?  To begin with, if you have fooled somebody in a hurtful, harmful “trickster” way, don’t fool yourself in return.  Pretending as if it was all the person’s fault for being naive and foolish, is only a way of you avoiding responsibility for your own destructive and foolish behaviors.  Be more than the fool.  Take a look at yourself and the hurtful impact you may be having on others, even if unintended.  Wise up, apologize, make amends.  Take time to grow your heart, to empathize with others, to become a more compassionate and wise human being. 
 
And, what about if you feel like someone has fooled you?  How do you overcome the anger, feeling of betrayal, and hurt?  Once again, be willing to own up to the fool inside you.  Accept the fact that you were naive.  Discern how you were unable or unwilling to see the truth. Be compassionate with yourself for any hurt you sustained.  Then resolve to be less foolish next time around.  Keep your heart open to others, but let your head guide you as well.  As you heal, take time to forgive those who tricked or hurt you.  After all, as stated above, by staying in ignorance, they were only fooling, and hurting themselves, even more than you!
 
Now, that you have wised up to the “trickster fool,” change course.  Invite the “clown fool” into your life.  Find a safe and healing way to laugh at your own human sorrows and mistakes.  Let others in who will treat you in a loving and playful way, gently or outrageously coaxing a smile and laughter from inside of you.  Let those who really care about you surround you.  Allow them to show you how to play again and get the enjoyment out of life.  There are people out there who do have your best intentions at heart, who are willing to be there for you in life, who will be loving companions and friends, and who know how to use their “fool” energy in a healthy and healing way as they reveal to you the radiant and beautiful human being you are.    
 
Happy Fools Day to all of you!
  
Dr. Lisa Love

http://www.doctorlisalove.com

Copyright © 2010 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

P.S.  Want some great humor?  Visit the website of one of my favorite “fools” and a good friend of mine, Steve Bhaerman, aka Swami Beyondananda at http://www.wakeuplaughing.com/

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Forgiving, Forgetting, & Boundary Setting

August 24, 2009

Is it really possible, or practical, to forgive and forget if someone is only going to repeat abusive and harmful behaviors? It is, but it requires a little more clarity on the entire process of boundary setting in conjunction with forgiveness.

In the past several years I have become even more savvy on the dynamics of abuse. I have also become aware of how abusers pretty much count on people forgiving them and forgetting about the harm they cause as a way to escape from the consequences of their destructive behaviors.

Which is why I want to draw upon the Christian teachings I was raised on. Because to me Jesus is a major example of forgiveness. Yet, when Jesus famously forgave those around him, at one point he also proclaimed, “Go and sin no more.” In other words, all of us, when we are given the blessing of forgiveness, have at the same time a responsibility to become more conscious of our destructive patterns. And, once aware of them, we need to actively move to change our behaviors so we sin (or harm ourselves and others) no more.

What about forgetting then? Though I have no idea what the roots are of the words forgiving and forgetting, it has not passed by me that the words can easily be broken into “for – giving” and “for – getting.” Looked at this way I can almost imagine acient folks looking at two people who have harmed each other, and then telling them to both step into the center of the room for the purpose of “giving” and “getting.” Or, to put it more simply for the sake of apologizing and making restitution with each other so the scales of justice (or karma) are set right.

Yet, sadly forgiving and forgetting has often turned into, “Ok, I’ll be a nice person and let you off the hook entirely. You don’t have to get conscious. You don’t have to change your behaviors. I’ll just let the whole thing go. And, you can go on being hurtful like you were before.” Quite frankly this is the fundamental reason why abusive relationships continue. Abusive people never have to suffer any consequences for their destructive behaviors. And, their forgiving spouses (who continue to ignore the abuse) end up getting hurt again and again and again.

So, what is the better way to forgive? First, it is true, when you don’t forgive you remain stuck in the past. Your thoughts spin negative. You are not able to create a more positive future for yourself. In many respects you continue the abuse cycle. Only this time instead of the other person harming you, you are harming yourself. That is why forgiveness primarily helps YOU. It helps you let go, move on, and move forward in your life free from the negative impact of the person who wounded you in the first place.

But, it is also true that forgiveness requires being able to stand in a place of spiritual power. As Jesus conveyed, now that the other person has been given a second chance, they now have a responsibility with that chance to become a better person. I am reminded of the famous play and film Les Miserables, which is a major story of forgiveness. In this tale Jean val jon steals silver from the home of the priest and is caught. Though the priest could have easily sent Jean val Jon back to the labor camps, he did not. Instead, he forgave Jean val jon. But, in forgiving him he also requested what he now wanted from Jean val jon (which was the priest’s way of saying what he would be “getting” in return). He said, “With this silver I have bought your soul for God.” Meaning he now held Jean val jon responsible for waking up, setting things right, and becoming a better human being from now on. Thank God, Jean val jon did.

As I see it then real forgiveness requires a great deal of spiritual power and spiritual perspective. To get to this point you do need to use forgiveness to heal enough to embrace more your own value and dignity as a human being. Letting go of your pain will help you get there, which is why forgiveness is a tool that mostly helps you. Once healed and free from the wounds of the past as a powerful and dignified human being, you then have the responsibility to learn about how to better protect yourself from such hurtful behavior. Then, you need to develop the capacity to set boundaries so you prevent that person from wounding you anymore. And, if you can manage it, you can even learn to develop enough spiritual power that with dignity and grace you are able to convey to the person who has harmed you, that in being forgiven, they have a responsibilty to wake up and become a better person.

With these steps everyone gives, everyone gets, and balance is restored for the good of all.

Blessings,

Dr. Lisa Love

Dr. Lisa Love Website

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

About Dr. Lisa Love

Check out my NEW BOOK: SOUL SUCCESS: How to Create Joy & Prosperity in Good Times or Bad Buy the book and receive bonus gifts at my website.

Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction. She is also a Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction, and Tranformational coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast! Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way. Contact me to discover what I can do for you.

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE: Go to: http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong. — Ghandi

FREE Coaching Into Greater Health & Financial Freedom

June 15, 2009

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My EIRO Website. http://doctorlisalove.ieiro.com
My Email Address. doctorlisalove@yahoo.com
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What is EIRO?

The website says it all. But, just to let you know, here are the Top Five Reasons I chose Eiro over all the other companies I researched out there.

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Self-Respect & Setting Standards

March 24, 2009
“If you don’t set a baseline standard for what you’ll accept in life, you’ll find it’s easy to slip into behaviors and attitudes or a quality of life that’s far below what you deserve.” — Anthony Robbins
Dr. Lisa Love Reflections.
Lately, I’ve been reflecting a lot on the notion of setting standards, especially when I consider using the law of attraction in a spiritual way. And, it’s occurred to me in light of what is happening in the world today, maybe as a whole our standards just are not being set high enough. After all, we live on a planet where 1,000 plant and animal species are going extinct everyday. Yesterday, the news announced that in the United States 40% of all children that came into the world in 2008 are born to single mothers without fathers involved in their child’s care. Increasingly around the globe civility is dead, more wars are taking place than ever before (Mexico is now considered more of a threat than Iraq is due to the drug industry) and slavery is the largest it has ever been in human history (almost all human slavery these days is of women and children being forced into the porn and sex slave industry, with most of them being exported to India and Asian countries for prostitution there).

Apart from just trying to bum everyone out with horrible statistics, I think it is time that as human beings we joyfully set our standards a little higher. To help along these lines I recommend the following three books I have had the pleasure to read lately.

THE LOVE DARE (And don’t miss the movie Fireproof that goes with it. I loved it! It’s Christian based, but regardless of your faith this book is one of the best I have ever read to help people learn what real love is! One of my favorite topics by the way).

ACT LIKE A LADY, THINK LIKE A MAN (a book that reveals how especially women need to get off the Cosmo trip and start to rethink how they are encouraging men to treat them with dis-respect, leave them and not be the best men they can be).

THE FALL: The Insanity of the Ego in Human History and the Dawning of A New Era (A book that shows the horrible way men and women can treat each other and how to go beyond treating others and our Earth in such disrespectful ways. Only then will we gain more respect for ourselves, each other, and this world).

In short, it is time for us to raise our standards and understand that we have attracted this world because the baseline bar has been just to low. Time to get motivated, grow in love, and learn to really love and respect each other and our world. The results will be more than worth it.

Blessings,

Dr. Lisa Love
Dr. Lisa Love Website

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

About Dr. Lisa Love

Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction. She is also a Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction, and Tranformational coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast! Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way. Contact me to discover what I can do for you.

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE: Go to: http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html


Fearlessness

December 25, 2007

Courage. This bold word means in essence “take heart.” Like cowardly lions given new hearts by the Oz wizard, we only come to know fearlessness in our lives when we choose to love enough. When we “take heart” fear subsides. When focused in our hearts, we unite with the life force of others. We remember we are One.  We intuitively see reality, beyond fear, beyond anger, beyond suffering. Life is faced with confidence, a word meaning “with trust.” Centered in the divine Healing Presence, we trust that all things work in time for the good.

Without courage we are only left with fear. Fear is a product of separation that causes us to believe that “I am here, you are there, and you have the power to harm me.” Because of fear we cannot see the heart of others.  We cannot call forth their Higher Selves. The “other” is the enemy.  This causes our own hearts to close giving the “enemy” power over our capacity to see good and work for productive change.  

Fear takes very little effort and debilitates our capacity to cope with a situation effectively.  Our hearts close causing us to forget the workings of the Divine. Our minds splinter and fail us blocking our capacity to reason, to discriminate, to maintain dispassion. Next, our minds become weapons for dividing, defending, and conquering. Weakened intellectually, we are forced to simply react like automated machines. Emotionally, impulsive reactions escalate the fear around us. Out of fear, we brandish others with our rage. We diminish ourselves in confusion. We suffocate in grief.  Naturally, our physical actions follow suit and a series of poor choices often follow.

Fearlessness brings us back to courage reminding us to respond to any situation first with our hearts. With the heart we no longer pull away or react. Rather, we pause, remembering who we are as spiritual Beings. We take the time to trust in our innate spiritual center. We take the time to invoke wisdom, discretion, calm, and maturity to help us face the situation before us. We invoke spiritual guidance from those we trust, asking them to teach us to act with harmlessness and right action. Our minds open to insights that allow us to manage effectively what stands before us. Our emotions are poised, confident, and therefore serene. Our brains are alert and oriented towards responding appropriately. Acting “in-spirit” we are energized to confront difficult situations with a determination to succeed despite the odds. 

Take a moment and contrast times the times you acted from fear as well as from fearlessness.  Start by recalling a time you were afraid. Notice the underlying feelings which emerged including those of helplessness, unworthiness, hopelessness, moving free fall out of control. Be in touch with your own level of discomfort in this fearful situation. Notice how much you failed to remember your Divine heritage which would have allowed you to gain insight, calm, poise, and wisdom when handling a difficult matter. Now chose a time when you handled a difficult situation in your life fearlessly. Be aware of the magical moments that emerged such as: gaining a solution you needed just in the nick of time; drawing upon strength you never knew you had; being aided by others when you most needed it; making quick decisions based upon a heightened sensitivity which turned out to be exactly correct; tapping into mystical revelations concerning the nature of the Divine.

At every moment of our lives in every situation we are constantly confronted with this choice. Do I want to live a life of fear? Or, do I want to be fearless? Do I suffer from a lack of confidence causing me to to block the capacity of the Divine to bring me insight? Or, do I actively seek to understand the spiritual lessons which can emerge in the darkest of situations? (These lessons might include humility, a greater sense of compassion, deeper levels of maturity, wisdom, prudence, and so forth). Do I want to react with hatred, bitterness, and despair (which are really all based upon fear)? Or, do I want to act with perspective, detachment, optimism, faith, and spiritual daring in all that befalls me?

Finally, examine for yourself the difference between your choices rooted in fear, and those rooted in fearlessness. Notice how in fear there is a lack of trust in your Divine identity, and a spiritual Self-forgetfulness. Notice how in fearlessness faith, hope, love and a firm conviction in the Healing Presence of your spiritual self guides all your behavior. Conclude by making a silent invocation or prayer inviting the Healing Presence into all areas of your life which hold fear and doubt. At last, choose to remember who you are! You are a Divine spirit! You are love! You are light! You are spiritual daring! You ARE fearlessness! Remember, remember, remember!

Want to change your relationship with your emotions?  Join the 90 Day Challenge to a Better You and Life!


Beauty in Our Emotions

December 25, 2007

     Emotions are a great gift. Because of our sensory capacity to feel, the world is richer. It has texture. These sensory responses in turn let us know when and how we should act. Emotion is after all, related to motion, or movement. For many of us, emotions are a confusing thing. We sense too much, or not enough. We move in a wild and unskilled manner, leading to compulsive, impulsive, or awkward reactions. Or, we fail to move, making us rigid, frozen, and insensitive to life around us. In many spiritual paths, and in relation to psychological work, emotions become the major “battleground.” “Kill out desire and passion” some religious teachings proclaim. Learn to master the roller coaster ride of your feelings, psychologists often profess. We attempt to control our emotional nature in any way we can, via drugs (Prozac being the latest popular trend), or “mind control” to name a few methods. Or, we seek to rid ourselves of emotions so we can cultivate “good ones,” and eliminate “bad ones.” We seek to do this via catharsis, or positive thinking, or mood pills, or whatever we can think of. Eventually, over time we learn that emotions can neither be controlled, or gotten rid of. Just as the ocean tide is meant to ebb and flow, emotions also are meant to move from state to state, helping us to remain sensitive to the world around us, and teaching us how to act accordingly.

     The idea that somehow or another, we are to have such complete mastery over our emotions, that we are eternally blissful and calm, is a distortion as well. Time and again, people who seek to emulate spiritual leaders discover, that even here, great spiritual teachers have moments of anger, fear, confusion, despair, and so forth. Spiritual seekers are often shocked to discover this about the teachers they emulate. How could this be? Perhaps, it would benefit us, if we moved away from the notion of controlling or mastering our emotions, and tried another way. This way is one of beautifying our emotions. Something which is done primarily out of recognition, acceptance, and refinement over time.

     What is beauty? In a subjective sense, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Still, certain elements which make something beautiful can be localized and built upon. Beauty begins first of all with recognition. When we use the eyes, we see, or recognize something. There is something very powerful in the act of being seen. Everyone thrives under attention, and disintegrates when neglected. The clearer our perception, especially when looked upon with loving intent, the more powerful the response elicited from those who are seen. This ability to see “within” someone, explains why many people may say they find something beautiful which others do not. The second factor has to do with appreciation. To appreciate something means we value it. When we value something, or someone, we spend time with it. The more time spent, the more intimate we become. This leads to qualities of depth, and a sense of the preciousness of something, again enhancing beauty. Another characteristic of beauty is refinement. Refinement requires skill, or training over a long period of time. This enhances the characteristic of light, making it something subtle, delicate, yet rich and full. Hence beauty!

     When working with our emotions, we can beautify them by first recognizing them in a non-judgmental way. Ah! Here is anger again, and sadness, amusement, and so forth. Next, we can appreciate them. Oh, anger lets me know I must do something different in my life. Sadness tells me I am having trouble letting go of something I loved. Amusement reveals to me areas to cultivate for enjoyment and appreciation. Finally, we can refine them. I change my life and release my anger by talking vs. punching it out. I let go by allowing for my grief vs. holding it back and creating depression within me. I cultivate amusement by enjoying things which have more power to endure vs. simply moving from one surface interest to the next. In this method, all emotions are embraced. They are accepted, seen, understood, and worked with consciously. Emotions become wonderful teachers and are embraced, versus controlled, neglected, or resisted, for what they have to offer in enriching our lives.

Want to change your relationship with your emotions?  Join the 90 Day Challenge to a Better You and Life!


90 Day Challenge to a Better You and Life Starts Again Jan 14th, 2008!

December 24, 2007

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