Changing into Someone You Are Not – Ariel, the Little Mermaid – How NOT to Love Yourself

August 31, 2011

Is a man really loving you for you, or are you really loving yourself if you turn into a change project to become someone you are not? That is what Princess Ariel does, also known as the Little Mermaid. And, is trying to please a man by morphing into someone else she is just one more example of HOW NOT TO LOVE YOURSELF, the name of the new book by Dr. Lisa Love. Are you acting in a naïve way like Snow White? If so, learn how to stop. The book is also available as a combined text, audio, video course at DailyOM.com under the title TAKE BACK YOUR POWER AND LOVE YOURSELF

 


Playing Dumb and Naive About the Shadow Side In Life – Snow White – How NOT to Love Yourself

August 31, 2011

Ignoring the shadow side of life including in the people around you can lead you into trouble the way it did for Snow White, a woman who is an example of HOW NOT TO LOVE YOURSELF, the name of the new book by Dr. Lisa Love. Are you acting in a naïve way like Snow White? If so, learn how to stop. The book is also available as a combined text, audio, video course at DailyOM.com under the title TAKE BACK YOUR POWER AND LOVE YOURSELF

 


Pretending Problems Don’t Exist – Princess Aurora the Sleeping Beauty – How NOT to Love Yourself

August 31, 2011

Are you messing up your chances for love the way Princess Aurora the Sleeping Beauty did by sleep walking through life and pretending problems don’t exist? If so you are learning HOW NOT TO LOVE YOURSELF, the name of the new book by Dr. Lisa Love. Also available as a combined text, audio, video course at DailyOM.com under the title TAKE BACK YOUR POWER AND LOVE YOURSELF

 


Putting Yourself Last – Princess Cinderella – How NOT to Love Yourself

August 31, 2011

Are you messing up your chances for love the way Princess Cinderella did by putting yourself last in your quest for a prince? If so you are learning HOW NOT TO LOVE YOURSELF, the name of the new book by Dr. Lisa Love. Also available as a combined text, audio, video course at DailyOM.com under the title TAKE BACK YOUR POWER AND LOVE YOURSELF

Watch this video here to learn more!

 


Ending the Cycle of Hurt & Entering Into Healing

August 17, 2011

Anytime we have been hurt it is natural to want to lash out. It is also easy to blame others.  And, true some people are more unconscious, wounding, ignorant, even cruel and malicious than others.  This should not be ignored or condoned.  Yet, the main questions are, “How do we break free from hurt?” and “How do we heal once and for all?”

One excellent tool is the use of the Hawaiian Ho’o pono pono prayer, which says simply, “I’m sorry.  Please forgive me.  I love you.  I thank you.”

How in the world you might wonder can you say such a thing to people who are malicious and cruel?  That is where the healing
truly begins.  We live in an imperfect world.  Ideally, we would each be so full of love and wisdom that this would not be the case.  Love and healing would reign all around.  Yet, it does not.  Why?  Because many people are ignorant and resort to hurtful and even cruel behaviors in their attempt to “get even” regarding the wrongs they perceive have been done to them.  Or they may be trying to prove that they are superior to others and therefore deserve to oppress and punish those perceived to be “lower” than they are.

And, true.  You may be able to look at your life and say, “Who me?  What part did I have to play in all of this?  I am innocent.”  True, at some level you may be innocent.  But, one of the gifts of wisdom is growing up and being willing to
clearly see not only the beauty, but the sorrows in the world.  As you see those sorrows with an open heart, you can’t help but acknowledge and feel compassion for your own limitations and lack of awareness, or worse action when you “know better.”

That is where the magic begins.  You say the words, “I am sorry.  Please forgive me.  I love you.  I thank you.”  As you do so you watch the magic begin.  You feel all the ways that you have been blind (even at times deliberately), ignorant, preoccupied with lesser things.   You feel how all of this has contributed to the sorrows of the world.  Then, you love yourself with deep compassion for your own ignorance.

Next, you hear those words, “I am sorry.  Please forgive me.  I love you.  I thank  you” being said to you.  Imagine everyone who has ever hurt you saying these words to you over and over again.

Need help?

Here is a video of the process.  This one works best because there are no distracting images, only the words making it easier to really experience yourself saying this to someone and their saying it back to you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lil63u-xB70&feature=related

Want a vocal version?  Here is another one, but I for one find it harder to do personal work to this one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ac5SGwRPv0o&feature=related

And, a final version.  Great visuals and a nice beat to the music, but for me harder to meditate to, though interesting to experience.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqiCa3wpHC8&sns=fb

Love and blessings,

Lisa


5 Steps to Help Attract Your Lover to You

August 17, 2011

The most frequent question I get when I counsel people on the phone is how do I attract my soul mate.  One of the most powerful things I know of that you can do to attract your lover to you, is to raise your energy to become a more attractive human being.  And, by attractive, I don’t mean necessarily “good looking.”  Plenty of good looking women (and men) still end up with their hearts broken in a state of despair, unhappy with themselves, their partners, and their lives.   So, how do you become more attractive to your partner?   Here are five ways how.

  1. Know Yourself.  I always tell people, the most attractive thing in life is a confident person.  Confident people trust that they can have what they want in life.  So much so, it practically falls right into their laps.  How do you get to that confident place?  Begin by getting really clear about what you want, don’t want, and what you will, and will not tolerate.   Then, trust sooner or later you will get what you want.  So, don’t put up with, or allow for, what you don’t want in your life.
    Only then will you be able to attract what you do want to you.
  2. Love Yourself.   Remember, we teach other people how to treat us.  Too many of us allow for lousy treatment and behavior.  Hey, for a long time in my life, I did that as well.  Until I understood how to get “well-full.”  Well-full is the word I use (instead of wellness), to remember that as a loving person I can’t love others, unless I love myself as well.  Why?  Because if my own “well” isn’t “full” of love, joy, energy, purpose, fun, then I don’t have any of that to give to others.  When I am empty, or near empty, I don’t serve others, by allowing them to further deplete my low reserves.  I deserve love too.
    Along these lines, when it comes to other people, don’t read words, read behaviors!  Actions do speak louder than words.  Put your focus on what a person does, not says, and how he/she is actually treating you.  Then, be confident enough and love yourself enough to let crummy treatment go.  As I have told my clients for decades now, when all you get is crumbs from someone, face it, you are in a crummy relationship.
  3. Love Your Life.   Whether you are in, or out, of a relationship, you need to keep your energy high.  How?  By creating as much as possible an experience of being alive!  Think about it.  Who are you attracted to?  People who are depressed, bored, troubled, angry – or people who are happy, energetic, excited, curious, open, compassionate, full of self-esteem, fun, and joy?  Now, which kind of person are you?  And, if you are not the kind of person you would be attracted to, how can you
    become that person?   Start by thinking of one practical thing you can do to start that process now.  Then, go and do it.  Forget about taking giant leaps.  Most of us get there faster by taking baby steps.  I’ve been known to tell my clients who want to lose weight that the very first step I want them to take is to go to a gym and sit in a parking lot.  It may sound silly, but at least they got the process started.  Remember, I believe in you!  So, get started.  Take the baby steps.   Do
    something each and every day to help you love your life.
  4. Understand Sex Isn’t Love.  One of the biggest mistakes women make is to assume sex equals love.  It doesn’t.  We think sex equals love because when orgasm takes place, oxytocin is released from our brains, and oxytocin is the “love” chemical in our biology.  But, here is the kicker!  When a man has an orgasm, he feels that chemical release for maybe one or two hours.  When a woman gets an oxytocin release, she can experience it for a day or longer.  Thus, a woman feels more attached to a man she is having a sex with.  Biologically even, a man does not!   Men also live in a culture that teaches them they have perceived higher status if they sleep with a lot of women.  Sixty years ago, this wasn’t the case.  Men had more pressure from society to get married and stay married and affairs were more taboo.  Now, they are common place.  Sadly, we women are catering to men with sex thinking it will get us a man’s love.  It won’t.  It will get us sex.  That’s all.  Worse, it can actually biologically age us.  Why?  Because brain research shows when a woman has a break from the bonding she experiences through sex, another chemical is poured into her system, cortisol.  Cortisol is released during stress,and  is responsible for aging us, because research shows women feel stressed when the “love” bond is too rapidly broken.  This
    stress cortisol dump is one reason women get hysterical and depressed.  So, love yourself and your life enough to not fool yourself that sex will get a man’s love.  It won’t.  Enjoy the sex if you want, but keep your wits about you.  You will stay far more attractive and realistic if you don’t get the two confused.
  5. Become a High Status Person.  No, I don’t want you to become a snob, believing you are above everyone else.  And, I am not talking about becoming aloof or unapproachable.  I am talking about knowing you have worth, and not letting other people degrade your worth.  Whatever your unique talents and gifts are, make sure that the people around you are taking the time to see those talents and gifts, and that they are respecting that you have them.   I call this “the auction effect.”  Have you ever been on EBay or at an auction, and noticed that an item that started out only costing $5, suddenly is
    sold for $50?  What has happened here?  The perceived value has gone up.  That is what I want to happen with you.  I want your perceived value to go up.  In terms of relationships, that means allowing other people to help you increase your worth.  Then you don’t get taken for granted (even if you are already in a committed relationship or married).  By becoming more attractive, by staying attractive, the people you are with feel your value.  They may even feel your value going up.  Then, they don’t want to lose you, because you end up meaning that much more to them.  That is the beauty of the auction effect, and what I want you to experience as well.

There are my five most powerful tips.  Having shared them with you, I look forward (as a best-selling author in the Love and the Law of Attraction), to helping you learn them, embody them, and become a more attractive and loving soul.  Then, your lover will not only be more attracted to you, he/she will want to keep you forever, and ever more.

Love and blessings,

Lisa

Copyright 2011 by Dr. Lisa Love. All rights reserved.

 

http://www.doctorlisalove.com

http://www.facebook.com/drlisalove

http://www.twitter.com/doctorlisalove

 

Want help with the above? Check out my website: http://doctorlisalove.com

Or, call me for a coaching session. Learn more on at this address.

http://doctorlisalove.com/coaching.html

 

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE:

http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

 

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Feel free to Share this post on Facebook. You may also share it on other
websites and Ezines provided you include everything above, the article
and all the information about how to reach me via my website and pick up
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Affairs Can Only Happen When People Agree to Be Enslaved

August 17, 2011

Celebrate the notion of having affairs and you are really celebrating one thing – slavery!  Example: The Bridges of Madison County — romantic story or story that glorifies living in hell!  There she is the trapped miserable wife in a marriage where she is misunderstood, ignored, and pathetically lonely.  Along comes a man who for a few glorious days appreciates and romances her.  Then he is gone.  We get out the handkerchiefs and cry, but what are we really crying about?

Me?  I am crying because this is so pathetic.  The woman here is such a slave that she can only have a few days in her life where she feels appreciated.  And, I am crying because this woman believes a few days of romance equals love, it doesn’t.  I am glad she got some attention and encouragement, but real love starts when things don’t go so well between us, and we can still work it out in a truly loving fashion.  But, mostly I am crying because this woman has so little love for herself, so little courage, that she will feed off those memories of a few happy days for the rest of her life, instead of work to make the rest of her life happy.  Ugh!

Wake up!  We are hurtling into a new era where men and women won’t make slaves of each other (I hope!).  Instead, they will be free to be honest, open, and truly supportive of each other’s needs.  And, that won’t mean one person gets his/her needs met at the expense of another.  Rather, they will be able to enter into dialouge with one another to see what is and isn’t working.  If things
are not working out they will be free to leave.  They won’t be locked into fear where love is crushed and impossible to experience.

The pathetic dance of fear will end.  People will stay together because they enjoy the experience together.  They choose freely to be together.  They want to walk together beside and through the fire, searching for real intimacy and depth, not running away from themselves into romantic fantasies with others because they can’t face each other’s shadows as well as expand each other’s light.  They will honor commitments, not because they feel it is noble to do so and be enslaved by it, but because that commitment will help them make a journey together to encounter their true authentic selves.

And, when that journey rightfully ends because needs no longer mesh?  They will go.  In love they will go.  Then there is no need to use another person as a prop through an affair to help you boost your ego or make you feel momentarily better.  That is a fear response, a slave response.  Your fear stops you from being authentically who you really are because you don’t want to pay the price of freedom.  Yes, freedom comes at a price.  To be free you must be willing to let go.  You must be willing to feel the loss, the rejection, the guilt, the disapproval, the loneliness.  You must be willing to risk the possibility of financial loss and hardship.

Cowards are not willing to pay the price for freedom, so they stay.  Worse, now they willingly choose to be slaves.  Yet, the price they pay for their slavery is much higher in the end.  Now the loss is much more acute as they increasingly lose out on their
dreams, hopes, and authetic self.  Resentment and resignation build.  Vitality is sucked out.

Addictive behaviors to drown out the pain go up.  Health is debilitated.  The loneliness mounts because there is no lonelier place to be than in a relationship where each of you sits in silence masking who you really are because you are afraid to be seen, loved, and known.  And, to be honest in the end there is even greater financial loss and hardship as you resort to excessive spending, consumption, and medication to do anything to numb the pain out.

Ah, but if I go I’ll be taken to court.  I may lose everything I have.  I may not be able to see my children.  I may go broke.  True, in a world of masters and slaves where love is scarce people battle it out to make winners and losers out of each other.  That is what masters and slaves do.  But, what slave in history didn’t pay a price to try and get free?  If you really want to be free you will
too.  Just be sure that is what you are doing.  Slaves can escape to another land and if they still live in fear they will rapidly become
slaves once again.  They will hate.  They will punish.  They will become addicts, or remain addicted.  They will run from their shadows and the shadows of others only engaging in relationships that remain superficial.  They will have solved nothing, for true freedom begins within.

Begin there, find out who you really are, what you really need, what your higher purpose is.  Then treat yourself and others with love and compassion as you move to live the life you are meant to, to contribute what you are really here for.  Loving people
will support you and understand you.  Those who want to make you slaves will block you, guilt you, prevent you from going in any way possible.  Better to be around people who will bring out the hammer and free you from your chains, or who will lovingly encourage you to go your way.

Then there is no place for affairs, no need for them.  Affairs require deception.  By their very nature they collude to keep you trapped.  When we are honest and open with each other, when we truly love one another, when we want what is best for each other everything is in the open.  Affairs are pointless.  Only love and freedom exist.

Love and blessings,

Lisa

Copyright 2011 by Dr. Lisa Love. All rights reserved.

http://www.doctorlisalove.com

http://www.facebook.com/drlisalove

http://www.twitter.com/doctorlisalove

 

Want help with the above? Check out my website: http://doctorlisalove.com

Or, call me for a coaching session. Learn more on at this address.

http://doctorlisalove.com/coaching.html

 

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE:

http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

 

**********************************************

Feel free to Share this post on Facebook. You may also share it on other
websites and Ezines provided you include everything above, the article
and all the information about how to reach me via my website and pick up
free gifts as well. Thank you.

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