Putting Yourself Last – Princess Cinderella – How NOT to Love Yourself

August 31, 2011

Are you messing up your chances for love the way Princess Cinderella did by putting yourself last in your quest for a prince? If so you are learning HOW NOT TO LOVE YOURSELF, the name of the new book by Dr. Lisa Love. Also available as a combined text, audio, video course at DailyOM.com under the title TAKE BACK YOUR POWER AND LOVE YOURSELF

Watch this video here to learn more!

 

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Ending the Cycle of Hurt & Entering Into Healing

August 17, 2011

Anytime we have been hurt it is natural to want to lash out. It is also easy to blame others.  And, true some people are more unconscious, wounding, ignorant, even cruel and malicious than others.  This should not be ignored or condoned.  Yet, the main questions are, “How do we break free from hurt?” and “How do we heal once and for all?”

One excellent tool is the use of the Hawaiian Ho’o pono pono prayer, which says simply, “I’m sorry.  Please forgive me.  I love you.  I thank you.”

How in the world you might wonder can you say such a thing to people who are malicious and cruel?  That is where the healing
truly begins.  We live in an imperfect world.  Ideally, we would each be so full of love and wisdom that this would not be the case.  Love and healing would reign all around.  Yet, it does not.  Why?  Because many people are ignorant and resort to hurtful and even cruel behaviors in their attempt to “get even” regarding the wrongs they perceive have been done to them.  Or they may be trying to prove that they are superior to others and therefore deserve to oppress and punish those perceived to be “lower” than they are.

And, true.  You may be able to look at your life and say, “Who me?  What part did I have to play in all of this?  I am innocent.”  True, at some level you may be innocent.  But, one of the gifts of wisdom is growing up and being willing to
clearly see not only the beauty, but the sorrows in the world.  As you see those sorrows with an open heart, you can’t help but acknowledge and feel compassion for your own limitations and lack of awareness, or worse action when you “know better.”

That is where the magic begins.  You say the words, “I am sorry.  Please forgive me.  I love you.  I thank you.”  As you do so you watch the magic begin.  You feel all the ways that you have been blind (even at times deliberately), ignorant, preoccupied with lesser things.   You feel how all of this has contributed to the sorrows of the world.  Then, you love yourself with deep compassion for your own ignorance.

Next, you hear those words, “I am sorry.  Please forgive me.  I love you.  I thank  you” being said to you.  Imagine everyone who has ever hurt you saying these words to you over and over again.

Need help?

Here is a video of the process.  This one works best because there are no distracting images, only the words making it easier to really experience yourself saying this to someone and their saying it back to you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lil63u-xB70&feature=related

Want a vocal version?  Here is another one, but I for one find it harder to do personal work to this one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ac5SGwRPv0o&feature=related

And, a final version.  Great visuals and a nice beat to the music, but for me harder to meditate to, though interesting to experience.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqiCa3wpHC8&sns=fb

Love and blessings,

Lisa


5 Steps to Help Attract Your Lover to You

August 17, 2011

The most frequent question I get when I counsel people on the phone is how do I attract my soul mate.  One of the most powerful things I know of that you can do to attract your lover to you, is to raise your energy to become a more attractive human being.  And, by attractive, I don’t mean necessarily “good looking.”  Plenty of good looking women (and men) still end up with their hearts broken in a state of despair, unhappy with themselves, their partners, and their lives.   So, how do you become more attractive to your partner?   Here are five ways how.

  1. Know Yourself.  I always tell people, the most attractive thing in life is a confident person.  Confident people trust that they can have what they want in life.  So much so, it practically falls right into their laps.  How do you get to that confident place?  Begin by getting really clear about what you want, don’t want, and what you will, and will not tolerate.   Then, trust sooner or later you will get what you want.  So, don’t put up with, or allow for, what you don’t want in your life.
    Only then will you be able to attract what you do want to you.
  2. Love Yourself.   Remember, we teach other people how to treat us.  Too many of us allow for lousy treatment and behavior.  Hey, for a long time in my life, I did that as well.  Until I understood how to get “well-full.”  Well-full is the word I use (instead of wellness), to remember that as a loving person I can’t love others, unless I love myself as well.  Why?  Because if my own “well” isn’t “full” of love, joy, energy, purpose, fun, then I don’t have any of that to give to others.  When I am empty, or near empty, I don’t serve others, by allowing them to further deplete my low reserves.  I deserve love too.
    Along these lines, when it comes to other people, don’t read words, read behaviors!  Actions do speak louder than words.  Put your focus on what a person does, not says, and how he/she is actually treating you.  Then, be confident enough and love yourself enough to let crummy treatment go.  As I have told my clients for decades now, when all you get is crumbs from someone, face it, you are in a crummy relationship.
  3. Love Your Life.   Whether you are in, or out, of a relationship, you need to keep your energy high.  How?  By creating as much as possible an experience of being alive!  Think about it.  Who are you attracted to?  People who are depressed, bored, troubled, angry – or people who are happy, energetic, excited, curious, open, compassionate, full of self-esteem, fun, and joy?  Now, which kind of person are you?  And, if you are not the kind of person you would be attracted to, how can you
    become that person?   Start by thinking of one practical thing you can do to start that process now.  Then, go and do it.  Forget about taking giant leaps.  Most of us get there faster by taking baby steps.  I’ve been known to tell my clients who want to lose weight that the very first step I want them to take is to go to a gym and sit in a parking lot.  It may sound silly, but at least they got the process started.  Remember, I believe in you!  So, get started.  Take the baby steps.   Do
    something each and every day to help you love your life.
  4. Understand Sex Isn’t Love.  One of the biggest mistakes women make is to assume sex equals love.  It doesn’t.  We think sex equals love because when orgasm takes place, oxytocin is released from our brains, and oxytocin is the “love” chemical in our biology.  But, here is the kicker!  When a man has an orgasm, he feels that chemical release for maybe one or two hours.  When a woman gets an oxytocin release, she can experience it for a day or longer.  Thus, a woman feels more attached to a man she is having a sex with.  Biologically even, a man does not!   Men also live in a culture that teaches them they have perceived higher status if they sleep with a lot of women.  Sixty years ago, this wasn’t the case.  Men had more pressure from society to get married and stay married and affairs were more taboo.  Now, they are common place.  Sadly, we women are catering to men with sex thinking it will get us a man’s love.  It won’t.  It will get us sex.  That’s all.  Worse, it can actually biologically age us.  Why?  Because brain research shows when a woman has a break from the bonding she experiences through sex, another chemical is poured into her system, cortisol.  Cortisol is released during stress,and  is responsible for aging us, because research shows women feel stressed when the “love” bond is too rapidly broken.  This
    stress cortisol dump is one reason women get hysterical and depressed.  So, love yourself and your life enough to not fool yourself that sex will get a man’s love.  It won’t.  Enjoy the sex if you want, but keep your wits about you.  You will stay far more attractive and realistic if you don’t get the two confused.
  5. Become a High Status Person.  No, I don’t want you to become a snob, believing you are above everyone else.  And, I am not talking about becoming aloof or unapproachable.  I am talking about knowing you have worth, and not letting other people degrade your worth.  Whatever your unique talents and gifts are, make sure that the people around you are taking the time to see those talents and gifts, and that they are respecting that you have them.   I call this “the auction effect.”  Have you ever been on EBay or at an auction, and noticed that an item that started out only costing $5, suddenly is
    sold for $50?  What has happened here?  The perceived value has gone up.  That is what I want to happen with you.  I want your perceived value to go up.  In terms of relationships, that means allowing other people to help you increase your worth.  Then you don’t get taken for granted (even if you are already in a committed relationship or married).  By becoming more attractive, by staying attractive, the people you are with feel your value.  They may even feel your value going up.  Then, they don’t want to lose you, because you end up meaning that much more to them.  That is the beauty of the auction effect, and what I want you to experience as well.

There are my five most powerful tips.  Having shared them with you, I look forward (as a best-selling author in the Love and the Law of Attraction), to helping you learn them, embody them, and become a more attractive and loving soul.  Then, your lover will not only be more attracted to you, he/she will want to keep you forever, and ever more.

Love and blessings,

Lisa

Copyright 2011 by Dr. Lisa Love. All rights reserved.

 

http://www.doctorlisalove.com

http://www.facebook.com/drlisalove

http://www.twitter.com/doctorlisalove

 

Want help with the above? Check out my website: http://doctorlisalove.com

Or, call me for a coaching session. Learn more on at this address.

http://doctorlisalove.com/coaching.html

 

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE:

http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

 

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Feel free to Share this post on Facebook. You may also share it on other
websites and Ezines provided you include everything above, the article
and all the information about how to reach me via my website and pick up
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In the Womb of the Mother — My First Sweat Lodge

August 17, 2011

Many years ago I heard about sweat lodge ceremonies.  I confess at first they seemed creepy.  Bodies rubbing up against each other, while people were dripping in sweat.  Not my idea of a pleasant journey.  Then I had some fellow classmates at one of my Master’s programs go through a sweat lodge ceremony.  They came back raving about how incredible it was.  I couldn’t go at the time because I was a new mother and breast feeding.  But, I wanted to do a sweat lodge ever since.  Yesterday, I did.

To begin with I am blessed to have done it at the Ojai Foundation, one of those miraculous places where Native American
teachings of Council, Vision Quest, and Sweat Lodge regularly occur.  A picture of the lodge is below.  The ceremony is traditional run by a Native American Chumash elder named Paul.  As this was an all women’s sweat lodge he was the fire keeper and his wife Aleesa ran the ceremony.

From the very start something in me began to stir as we began the fire ceremony with Paul as our fire keeper.  As he talked about the “stone people” (the lava rocks put into the fire), the “one legged” (the trees who gave their life for the fire), the connection to the aliveness of everything around us emerged, not just as a theory or a platitude, but a reality for me.  The deep level of respect for the rocks, the earth, the trees, the lodge (also known as the womb of the mother that was going to rebirth us) touched me deeply.

After a Council around the fire where 25 women began to tell their truths to one another (and yes most of us were complete strangers) that lasted three hours, I was already sweating and feeling pretty cooked.  Then it was time to crawl into the “mother’s womb” where there were so many of us we were literally packed in like sardines touching arms and legs with very little room to move.

For five hours we sat in the heat.  Truth be told I have never felt so drenched in my life.  Sure I’ve been in a pool and tub of water, but this was different.  I was not only drenched on the outside, sweat was pouring out of me from the inside.  If I had bothered to weigh in before and after I wouldn’t have been surprised to learn that I had lost five pounds.

As for the details of the ritual in general there were four rounds in the lodge, all held in total darkness.  Each round honored one of the four directions and the work we did was related to the psychological and spiritual teachings each direction holds.  Though I am still processing all that happened there, what I am able to understand so far is that 25 women sat in the dark and told the most raw and real truths about our lives we could tell.

This was far from a “get over it” experience that those who only want to glorify the light and run from the shadow like to espouse in motivational talks and coaching circles.  Rather, this was a “get real” experience.  No hiding from the feminine, from the Great Mother, from the shadow.  It was time to admit the truth, to feel the truth, to tell the truth without varnish.  No hiding, no covering up.  No running into addictive or hedonistic patterns as a means of escape. To be honest it was very, very hard work.  Physically,
mentally, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically — it was exhausting.

At one point after 6 1/2 hours of it I knew I couldn’t take it anymore.  My low blood pressure combined with major dehydration had me nearly passing out.  “All my relations,” I said to my fellow sisters.  “I need help.”  Far from the James Ray macho cover
up the truth and let people pass out, sufficate, and even die approach, this was an environment of total support.  “Yes, sister.  How can we help you?  What do you need at this time?”  I was not the only one who had asked for help in this way.  Four women had exited out the door before me.  Some in panic, some in physical duress, some simply not used to the major catharsis going on.  My sisters tried to talk me through to see if I could stay.  I started to faint.  They let me briefly out the door.  There the other sisters who had left were waiting for me and tended to me.  I was determined to recover and get back in to finish the sweat.  A little bit of water and a few minutes of rest, I did.

In that space we shifted from sharing the deepest wounds of our lives, to praying for the things we were desparately craving to feel healed.  We also prayed for those we loved and attempted deep forgiveness work on those who we felt harmed by.  I said attempted, because none of it was fake.  No fakeness allowed.  If you couldn’t forgive you could rage.  Some women raged so loud I honestly thought I might have broken an eardrum.  Others wailed, moaned, sobbed, cursed.  It was intense.  I’m a psychologist.  I’m used to intense emotions.  But, this?  This was intense.  REAL INTENSE.  Raw.  Real.  Probably the most real a group of
people (let alone strangers) had ever gotten with each other or with themselves.

In between the rounds there was the singing.  Beautiful Native American songs.  I didn’t really understand the meaning, though they were summed up in general before we sang them.  Connecting with the mother, the earth, each other, our hearts, our souls.  Hot.  Wow!  Was it HOT!  One woman apologized for dripping on the woman next to her.  Laughter was heard all around.  Who
wasn’t dripping on the people around them?  Buckets of sweat spilling over.  It was impossible not to.

Then there was the attempt to listen to our hearts beating and to the heart beats of each other.  Then came the drumming trying to sync our heart beats together.  Diving us down into the earth, into the womb of the mother.  Lifting us up into the blackness of space, the mother’s infinite womb.  It became clear we were not only pouring out the toxins from our bodies, we were shedding our skins.  We were rebirthing ourselves.

After three hours around the fire and just over five hours in the lodge those of us who were left slowly crawled out.  Sticky, dripping, coated with dirt, sand, and pebbles.  We were a mess!  Yet, we were changed.  People looked around at each other clearly in altered states.  When we went into the lodge it was day.  Now it was night.  Stars were overhead.  The star people and the moon shined down on us.  We did our best to hose off the dirt, sand, and pebbles.  Then we went into the tent (the teepee was down for now, getting repaired) and changed our clothes.

Once again we were around the fire.  Now it was simply hot coals.  The stone people had been moved into the lodge during our ceremony.  Only the coals remained and had been arranged into a medicine wheel.  Paul was there to greet us.  Normally, he does the sweats.  We sat around the fire again for about an hour and shared a bit our experience.  In part I was also fixated at this time on the leaders of the sweat.  They were clearly an example of a deeply spiritual and loving couple.  They were both so full of compassion.  They had held the space for all of us to do what we needed to do with total acceptance.  No judgment.  Just love.  I
was so moved.

Then the feast began.  Finally, we could eat and drink.  It was already around 11 pm at night.  Some people talked about the sweat.  Most chit chatted trying to finally get to know a little bit about the mundane worlds of each other.  Some sat in silence remaining in altered states.  All agreed.  We were all altered.  Reborn.

Love and blessings,

Lisa

To learn more about the Ojai Foundation visit here.  http://www.ojaifoundation.org

Copyright 2011 by Dr. Lisa Love. All rights reserved.

 

http://www.doctorlisalove.com

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Dr-Lisa-Love/48936741770

http://www.twitter.com/doctorlisalove

 

Want help with the above? Check out my website: http://doctorlisalove.com

Or, call me for a coaching session. Learn more on at this address.

http://doctorlisalove.com/coaching.html

 

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE:

http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

 

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Feel free to Share this post on Facebook. You may also share it on other
websites and Ezines provided you include everything above, the article
and all the information about how to reach me via my website and pick up
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Sweat Lodge at the Ojai Foundation.


Are You Being Jealous? Or, Is Your Partner Insensitive or Dishonest? How to Tell the Difference.

August 17, 2011

In my book Feeling Good and Living Great (being released July 20011), I dedicate one whole chapter to the feeling of jealousy and show you how to master it.  Along these lines I have learned from a couple clients who struggled with intense jealousy issues.  What I discovered surprised me, and it may surprise you.

On the positive side jealousy is mainly a sign of what it is you are longing for or desiring in life.  That is why I teach people to turn
their jealousy into fulfillment and give you exercises and advice in my book of how to do that.  For example, if you don’t feel good about the way you look and feel jealous of someone who looks attractive to you, you can stew in jealousy, or you can get busy fulfilling your dream to be attractive yourself.

On the negative side jealousy is a form of self-abuse.  By stewing in your jealousy you prevent yourself from moving forward to have what you really want in life.  You prevent yourself from having a fulfilling life.  Having said this, I have learned there is actually a darker side to jealousy, both in regards to those who are jealous of you, and those who accuse you of being jealous
yourself.

But, first let me share some insights I learned after working with an intensely jealous client for years that may surprise you.  This client was intensely jealous of the women he was with and was constantly accusing them of wanting other men instead of him.  For a long time I helped him deal with his insecurities and anxieties especially as even he learned to rationally see that none of the women he was with were unfaithful or wanting other men in the least.  And, then the bomb hit.  Maybe it finally came out because I had won his confidence as a counselor.  That is why he finally confided in me, “Dr. Lisa, I have a confession.  All these years I am the one who has been sleeping with and flirting with other women.”  I was floored.

In psychology we call this projection.  You project onto someone else behaviors, thoughts, and feelings that are really within yourself.  Because my client was so busy cheating, lying, hiding and flirting with other women, he assumed the women he was with were doing the same thing.  He assumed they would be just as awful as he was being and so he was constantly jealous and vigilant attempting to make sure they weren’t.  Eventually with my help he cleaned up these deceitful behaviors.  As he did so, his jealousy calmed down.  As he learned to become trustworthy, he was able to more easily trust others.

Which brings me back to the title of this article.  When someone accuses you of being jealous because you ask questions about who else they are with, what their intensions are, or share your insecurities know that these behaviors in and of themselves do not constitute jealousy.  It could be that there is a valid reason for your feeling this way, especially if your partner is being dishonest with you by lying, hiding, cheating, and flirting around on you in ways you do not feel comfortable with.  That isn’t jealousy.  It is just trying to get people to be real!

However, it is jealousy if you have proof that your partner is not lying, hiding, cheating and flirting with others in disrespectful ways.  And, no partner likes to have to endlessly reassure you that he/she is an honest human being.  In fact, constantly accusing people who are honest of being dishonest flat our wears them out.  As I told my client who did this it even becomes a form of abuse.

Now, how do you know if your partner is telling the truth or lying, hiding, cheating, and flirting?  Usually, you do.  Chances are you have caught him/her in these behaviors at least a time or two (or three, or four, or five or more).  If you catch them in these behaviors and they accuse you of being jealous, know this, you are not!  They are playing the classic blame game of trying to divert attention away from their own dishonesty by making you feel the problem isn’t them, it is you.  Don’t let them get away with it.  Don’t own an issue that isn’t yours.

And, if you don’t catch them in these behaviors (lying, hiding, cheating, flirting) no matter how hard you look?  Then it is your issue.  You are being a jealous human being and it is time to get professional help.  Maybe you are like my client, maybe your jealous behaviors are a cover up for your own lying, hiding, cheating, or flirting behaviors.  Then you are projecting.  You are being a hypocrite.  Or, maybe you are just being insecure.  Then it is time to clean up those insecurities as well.  It is time to turn your jealousy into fulfillment and learn how to go constructively for what you want.  That can include being a confident, full of integrity, honest, loving, and loved human being.  And, why not go for this?  After all you are worth it.

Love and blessings,

Lisa

 

Copyright 2011 by Dr. Lisa Love. All rights reserved.

http://www.doctorlisalove.com

http://www.facebook.com/drlisalove

http://www.twitter.com/doctorlisalove

 

Want help with the above? Check out my website: http://doctorlisalove.com

Or, call me for a coaching session. Learn more on at this address.

http://doctorlisalove.com/coaching.html

 

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE:

http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

 

 

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Feel free to Share this post on Facebook. You may also share it on other
websites and Ezines provided you include everything above, the article
and all the information about how to reach me via my website and pick up
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True Happiness & Freedom Only Come Through Discovering the Self

August 17, 2011

My life, like many people’s, has had it’s share of ups and downs.  Through it all the only way I know of to keep alive the joy inside is to constantly remind myself who I really am in this world.   There is a saying from the Osho Zen Tarot that innocence comes from a deep experience of life that is childlike, not childish.  It embraces the light and shadow in the world and by seeing and accepting the presence of it all, true innocence, or wisdom is born.  The Osho Zen Tarot also states that the truly free person is a rebel, someone who cannot be enslaved because that person has come to know the true Self.

Recently I took a few more blows in life, disappointments as things did not turn out as hoped.  And, I admit I spent a brief day or two in a mope.  That’s ok, as my soon to be released book Feeling Good & Living Great explains, there are no bad feelings.  All feelings have a gift to give you if you know how to embrace them.  The gift of what I was going through involved setting boundaries, letting go, and being true to myself.

But, when I say that I am being true to myself, I don’t mean that I, Lisa, am just trying to fulfill my own personal needs.  Some of that is involved, but it is a higher Self I am speaking of.  That Self shatters boundaries and illusions of all kinds.  That Self gives me the opportunity to see the folly of it all, laugh at myself, and return to innocence where wisdom is embraced head (and heart) on.

Deepak Chopra says in his book Unconditional Life that most people choose to control their unhappiness instead of letting it go.  I believe many people attempt to control that unhappiness by finding ways to medicate themselves so they can pretend that they are
not really as unhappy as they feel.  But, the Osho Zen Tarot indicates that the only true way to happiness is to become a Rebel.  “The Rebel is not fighting against anybody or anything, but has discovered his own true nature and is determined to live in accordance with it.”  Also, “the Rebel challenges us to be courageous enough to take responsibility for who we are and to live our truth.”

How do we do this?  How do we become Rebels, or truly happy and free people in the highest sense of the word?  First, it requires a true state of innocence, where you embrace light and shadow in yourself and others.  Second, it requires knowing your true purpose, your spiritual calling, your reason for being here on this Earth.  Third, it requires courage to live according to principles that keep you in integrity and wholeness, true to your inner nature.  Fourth, it requires compassion and love, for only love can bring about a true healing that frees you from your wounds adn your unhappiness so you can be who you really are.

The Osho Zen Tarot also says that instead of healing people prefer to “carry their wounds.”  “With your ego your whole being is wounded,” it goes on to state.  The ego is the selfish, protected, and defended part of who you are.  That wound, that ego, can only be healed when you drop your defenses, strip down naked, and expose the wound at its roots.  Then the weeds of your suffering can be uprooted.  Then you can cry and be vulnerable.  You drop out of your head and into your heart allowing it to be soft,
tender, with your “heart breaking open” (as Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh calls it).

And, as your heart breaks open you find it, the Self.  Like a transfusion of blood it fills your body and awakens your nervous system reminding you of who you really are as the Self.  It also reveals the sweetness of this moment, the sweetness of life.  Now, there is no seeking, or grasping, desiring, or doing.  There is just the Now.  But, don’t think for a moment that the Now is just a moment in time.  The Now is beyond time.  It is not found in seconds, or days, or even years.  It encompasses all moments.  The Now is eternity.  It is timeless.    And, in that timeless moment the Self is discovered allowing you to be liberated, free, happy, whole, healed, and at peace.

Love and blessings,

Lisa

Copyright 2011 by Dr. Lisa Love. All rights reserved.

http://www.doctorlisalove.com

http://www.facebook.com/drlisalove

http://www.twitter.com/doctorlisalove

 

Want help with the above? Check out my website: http://doctorlisalove.com

Or, call me for a coaching session. Learn more on at this address.

http://doctorlisalove.com/coaching.html

 

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE:

http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

 

**********************************************

Feel free to Share this post on Facebook. You may also share it on other
websites and Ezines provided you include everything above, the article
and all the information about how to reach me via my website and pick up
free gifts as well. Thank you.

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Affairs Can Only Happen When People Agree to Be Enslaved

August 17, 2011

Celebrate the notion of having affairs and you are really celebrating one thing – slavery!  Example: The Bridges of Madison County — romantic story or story that glorifies living in hell!  There she is the trapped miserable wife in a marriage where she is misunderstood, ignored, and pathetically lonely.  Along comes a man who for a few glorious days appreciates and romances her.  Then he is gone.  We get out the handkerchiefs and cry, but what are we really crying about?

Me?  I am crying because this is so pathetic.  The woman here is such a slave that she can only have a few days in her life where she feels appreciated.  And, I am crying because this woman believes a few days of romance equals love, it doesn’t.  I am glad she got some attention and encouragement, but real love starts when things don’t go so well between us, and we can still work it out in a truly loving fashion.  But, mostly I am crying because this woman has so little love for herself, so little courage, that she will feed off those memories of a few happy days for the rest of her life, instead of work to make the rest of her life happy.  Ugh!

Wake up!  We are hurtling into a new era where men and women won’t make slaves of each other (I hope!).  Instead, they will be free to be honest, open, and truly supportive of each other’s needs.  And, that won’t mean one person gets his/her needs met at the expense of another.  Rather, they will be able to enter into dialouge with one another to see what is and isn’t working.  If things
are not working out they will be free to leave.  They won’t be locked into fear where love is crushed and impossible to experience.

The pathetic dance of fear will end.  People will stay together because they enjoy the experience together.  They choose freely to be together.  They want to walk together beside and through the fire, searching for real intimacy and depth, not running away from themselves into romantic fantasies with others because they can’t face each other’s shadows as well as expand each other’s light.  They will honor commitments, not because they feel it is noble to do so and be enslaved by it, but because that commitment will help them make a journey together to encounter their true authentic selves.

And, when that journey rightfully ends because needs no longer mesh?  They will go.  In love they will go.  Then there is no need to use another person as a prop through an affair to help you boost your ego or make you feel momentarily better.  That is a fear response, a slave response.  Your fear stops you from being authentically who you really are because you don’t want to pay the price of freedom.  Yes, freedom comes at a price.  To be free you must be willing to let go.  You must be willing to feel the loss, the rejection, the guilt, the disapproval, the loneliness.  You must be willing to risk the possibility of financial loss and hardship.

Cowards are not willing to pay the price for freedom, so they stay.  Worse, now they willingly choose to be slaves.  Yet, the price they pay for their slavery is much higher in the end.  Now the loss is much more acute as they increasingly lose out on their
dreams, hopes, and authetic self.  Resentment and resignation build.  Vitality is sucked out.

Addictive behaviors to drown out the pain go up.  Health is debilitated.  The loneliness mounts because there is no lonelier place to be than in a relationship where each of you sits in silence masking who you really are because you are afraid to be seen, loved, and known.  And, to be honest in the end there is even greater financial loss and hardship as you resort to excessive spending, consumption, and medication to do anything to numb the pain out.

Ah, but if I go I’ll be taken to court.  I may lose everything I have.  I may not be able to see my children.  I may go broke.  True, in a world of masters and slaves where love is scarce people battle it out to make winners and losers out of each other.  That is what masters and slaves do.  But, what slave in history didn’t pay a price to try and get free?  If you really want to be free you will
too.  Just be sure that is what you are doing.  Slaves can escape to another land and if they still live in fear they will rapidly become
slaves once again.  They will hate.  They will punish.  They will become addicts, or remain addicted.  They will run from their shadows and the shadows of others only engaging in relationships that remain superficial.  They will have solved nothing, for true freedom begins within.

Begin there, find out who you really are, what you really need, what your higher purpose is.  Then treat yourself and others with love and compassion as you move to live the life you are meant to, to contribute what you are really here for.  Loving people
will support you and understand you.  Those who want to make you slaves will block you, guilt you, prevent you from going in any way possible.  Better to be around people who will bring out the hammer and free you from your chains, or who will lovingly encourage you to go your way.

Then there is no place for affairs, no need for them.  Affairs require deception.  By their very nature they collude to keep you trapped.  When we are honest and open with each other, when we truly love one another, when we want what is best for each other everything is in the open.  Affairs are pointless.  Only love and freedom exist.

Love and blessings,

Lisa

Copyright 2011 by Dr. Lisa Love. All rights reserved.

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