Why Am I Full of So Much Joy?

September 20, 2011

Seriously, I’ve been trying to figure it out.  What is this inner shift about?  I’m getting more joyful than I have ever been in my life.  But, it isn’t about external things — having or having not.  I think this is what the spiritual use of the law of attraction is about.  That inner state, joy, and bliss.

So, what is creating it in my life?  One thing that helped, I radically simplified my life so I could live my life from an inner flow.  On my vision board are not images of houses, cars, clothes, walking around town and looking in stores and thinking “I can have this, I can have that” aka “The Secret” style.  No, I’m focued on my own teachings and principles aka BEYOND THE SECRET style.  And, it’s working.

I get up and pretty much think, “Great, I’m still here.”  I practice my main meditation these days, remembering I am Spirit breathing this body, not a body breathing Spirit.  I look around and start to think how lucky I am.  Then, I remember that per every five words I write or speak somewhere on this planet a child is dying due to violence, disease, or hunger.  So, I think, “How can I help?”  Then I get busy trying to help others as much as I can from a state of joy and a real desire to give, instead of through an obligation to do so.

I am also struggling to discipline myself to exercise more and eat as I know I should.  I know everytime I exercise, eat right, and take my vitamins and herbs, I feel super-charged.  This is my main focus regarding my own life.  It is still a bit of a journey as I was raised on cakes, brownies, cookies, candy for desert almost every day of my life.  I’ve cut way back, but I still don’t do fruits and vegetables like I need to.  I am telling myself, “Do it not only for my personal health, but so I can be here longer to contribute to others.”  Then, I rely on the Spirit that I AM to breathe into this body, brain, and nervous system more discipline and determination.

What perplexes me is that technically I “have less” than I have ever had “stuff wise.”  In fact, I would like even less stuff.  One thing I do have is an abundance is books.  I have read a massive number of books in my life.  Several times I have given boxes and boxes of books away to libraries.  I just gave 26 boxes away last year.  Now, I would like to give the rest of my books away as soon as I can afford to get the really essential ones all on a Kindle (which I have yet to buy, but intend to).  Then, I will need even less space to live in (though I live in a small apartment), and be even more free to pack up and travel (like I am doing now on tour) to go out and meet and help people.

Eight years ago when I was losing my home, my marriage, a website (Soul to Spirit) I had spent years creating, and just about everything I owned I was crying up a storm.  I wrote BEYOND THE SECRET as I came out of that period in an attempt to figure out why I had gone through everything I had.  I mean I am one heck of a positive thinker and person.  Believe me, it was NOT due to my “negative thinking.”  Read my book BEYOND THE SECRET to learn more.

I kept meditating, praying, and working through a wide variety of feelings (the insights of doing that process are summarized in my FEELING GOOD & LIVING GREAT book).  I strengthened my spiritual cable to my true spiritual self and did a lot more inner work (and in my life I’ve already done an excessive amount of that, but there is always more to do).  Now, I am almost overjoyed.  And, it isn’t because my external life is perfect (perfect partner, house, health, etc).  It is because I just don’t focus on externals much at all anymore.  I focus on laughter, love, joy, being creative, and giving.

As I am touring these days I am around a lot of people who are struggling as they are losing “things.”  To be honest I actually find this kind of amusing.  The Buddhists say all things are imperment, even this body.  Don’t worry about stuff.  Focus on the part of you that is the REAL YOU.  When you do, you will get it.  We are NOT HERE TO CONSUME, we are here to CONTRIBUTE!

Get into what you have to GIVE, instead of what you want to GET, and your life will be filled with miracles.  Look, I had the pleasure of sitting in the homes of 100’s of people 60 to 103.  All were physically ill.  Learning from them I got it.  I really did!  The ONLY thing that made people happy at the end of their lives was how much they learned to love and give in this world.  Didn’t matter if they had a yacht behind their mansion, or were in a homeless shelter.  The externals didn’t matter.  I met rich people who were terribly unhappy, and rich people were full of love and joy.  I met poor people who were terribly unhappy, and poor people who were full of love and joy.  And, ALL OF THEM WERE SICK.  So forget the health part even.  I kept puzzling over this whole thing.  If externals (rich/poor) didn’t make the difference and health was something none of them had, then how did they pull off the joy?

Here is how…

1) They were full of gratitude.

2) They were full of love.

3) They focused on what they could still give to help others no matter what.

4) They found the humor in life.

5) They laughed.

6) They smiled.

7) They had a spiritual practice.

8) They knew who they really were.

9) Even in the face of death they had no fear.

What an amazing process.  If anyone would have told me years ago when I was losing my home, work, relationship, even my health for a time, that I was going to end up more joyful than I had ever been, I would have thrown them out of my life.  Yet, here I am.  And, I’m still pretty young.  I’m getting it.  I’m living the message of my own teachings.  And, here is the good news…. if the rest of the planet wakes up in the same way…. well, we are in for one glorious time!  No, we may not have as much stuff.  We may even create an economy where we DON’T WANT STUFF!  (Imagine that).  But, we will have so much joy!  Not even happiness (which is mostly based on me getting what I want), but joy (which is based on me contributing all I can whether I get what I personally want or not).  Here in the USA we may even change the constitution to life, liberty, and the pursuit of JOY.  And, as we live from joy we will be shocked we ever wanted to live that other way before.

So, maybe that is it  Maybe that is why I get up and just laugh so much these days.  I don’t take it seriously.  Even my photo here on Facebook.  People tell me I need a “glamour” shot.  You know where I get my teeth fixed, have someone do my hair and makeup.  Put the little hand under the chin, etc.  Honestly, the reason I like the picture I am using is because I was literally laughing at myself.  I was cracking myself up.  For the first time ever I took one of those cell phone shots where you stand in front of a mirror and click the picture.  I thought, “This is pretty hysterical.  Can you imagine using this photo publically?”  Then, when I saw myself, I went, “Wow!  Ok, maybe the hair can be better, and the lighting better, and I still haven’t gotten those crooked teeth fixed, but THERE I AM!  I can see ME!  The real ME!  Not the surface me.  The light inside of me.  The joy inside of me.  The humor and not taking it seriously part of me.”

“Good enough,” I thought.  Up the picture went on Facebook.

Today then, why not do the same?  Just don’t take stuff so seriously anymore.  Let your light shine.  Let your joy shine.  Let your love shine.  Then go out there and see who needs your help.  Even if life sucks around you.  Be there for someone.  In the meantime, I will do my best to be there for you.

Blessings,

Lisa

Copyright 2011 by Dr. Lisa Love. All rights reserved.

http://www.doctorlisalove.com/

http://www.facebook.com/drlisalove

http://www.twitter.com/doctorlisalove

Want help with the above? Check out my website: http://doctorlisalove.com/

Or, call me for a coaching session. Learn more on at this address.

http://doctorlisalove.com/coaching.html

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE:

http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

**********************************************

Feel free to Share this post on Facebook. You may also share it on other websites and Ezines provided you include everything above, the article and all the information about how to reach me via my website and pick up free gifts as well. Thank you.

*********************************************


Meditation as a Major Tool to Expand Your Heart

September 6, 2011

(The following is an excerpt from MEDITATION: THE PATH TO PEACE).

At this level meditation is also less oriented towards expansions of consciousness. These will continually occur.  Rather, meditation is now a process of anchoring your understanding that you live in the eternal by revealing it to others primarily by sustaining yourself in its deep abiding peace. Because of this when you have truly reached this level you rarely, and ideally never, are disrupted mentally, emotionally, and physically by the transitory nature of your outer life.

This awareness so fills you with the reality of love in the Universe you are drenched in this love on a moment by moment basis. Despite all outer appearances of pain and suffering, the reason behind suffering is revealed to you. Suffering is after all, simply ignorance of our true nature as love. Aware of this love, suffering ceases. At the same time out of your ability and desire to love others, you remain sensitive to the suffering around you.  You comprehend how ignorance continues to produce suffering in the world. Out of a need for compassion you do your best to relieve the world of this ignorance, and to awaken others regarding their true identities as spiritual beings. In this way the pain and trauma caused by an illusory separation from spiritual essence diminishes. The nature of Reality is increasingly revealed. That nature being primarily one of LOVE.

Benefit Exercise, Seven. Take some time to consider the following: “What would it mean to you if you were in fact, loved?” “If indeed, despite all outer appearances the Universe around you was a sea of compassion and love? And, that all appearance of suffering, were really manifestations of ignorance as to the existence of this love?” Think of the moments in your life when you felt you “glimpsed” this sense of love. Then ask yourself, “What would your life be like and how would you be if no matter what happened to you in life, this presence of love, always infused you, and surrounded you?” After reflecting for some minutes, affirm to yourself here and now, ”I am One with All. All is Love. This is my only security. This is my only identity.” Stay with this affirmation and as you do so, reflect how it feels to rest within this statement.  Learn more about the book MEDITATION: THE PATH TO PEACE by Dr. Lisa Love.

Love and blessings,

Lisa

Copyright 2011 by Dr. Lisa Love. All rights reserved.

http://www.doctorlisalove.com

http://www.facebook.com/drlisalove

http://www.twitter.com/doctorlisalove

Want help with the above? Check out my website: http://doctorlisalove.com

Or, call me for a coaching session. Learn more on at this address.

http://doctorlisalove.com/coaching.html

 

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE:

http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html


Why I Am a Revolutionary of the Heart & Want You To Be One Too!

February 2, 2011

When my son was small I took him with me to help a homeless man I had decided to visit and care for on a regular basis.  When we left the man (who was a Vietnam vet), my son was dumbfounded by the idea that there could even be people without a home.  He was around three at the time and felt just as confused when I showed him a Sesame Street book and explained to him how people had different eyes, noses, mouths and skin types and it was up to us to love people in all their glorious ways of being; but, some people were mean to others because of these differences.  

When we are children we have a natural sense of what is love is.  We know that all things are interconnected and worthy of love, celebration, and respect.  Yet, too soon we hit the reality of a world full of the opposite of that love. We are told that differences are bad and are taught to live in fear.  How does this happen?  I am sure the answer is far more complex, but I can’t help but believe that one of the reasons is we are taught to glorify the very things that lead to entitlement and fear.  

Especially in the United States as I grew up I struggled early on with the ever escalting worship of wealth.  As I wrote in my BEYOND THE SECRET book, my first crisis regarding this happened in my mid-twenties when I married a relatively wealthy man who told me when I married him, “I would never have to work another day in my life.”  True.  Rapidly, my life became about ski vacations, visiting luxurious golf courses, and contemplating how much I could pamper myself.  

Only one problem, I was naturally mystical as a child and had an almost desparate desire to know who God was.  I was also conditioned by a few main factors before I entered in that marriage that made me keenly sensitive to the state most people live in on this Earth.  To begin with, I was raised with an ethic of helping those in need, especially the troubled and the poor.  While most young people around me were glorifying in their youth, I was steeped in reading books on psychology, comparative religions, and getting heavy into meditation.  I was also working professionally with troubled youth, specializing at the time in those who had been physically and sexually abused.     

Literally, I went from living in a dangerous neighborhood in downtown San Bernardino in what some liked to call “the arm pit of Southern California”, while I was struggling to get through graduate school, to having two homes and a couple Mercedes.  And, I went from helping homeless youth, gang kids, runaway teenagers, and abused children to worrying about my nails, my ski bunny outfit, and my golf game. Until one day I was sitting in the jacuzzi in our home on the golf course in Palm Springs and it hit me just how many of these homes were empty about eleven months out of a year!  It impacted me in a deep way that so many people around where I was sitting in that jacuzzi had second (or third) homes they almost never visited, while billions of people on the globe didn’t even have one home to begin with.  The crisis of that realization led to the rapid end of my marriage.  It was also the beginning of a life long struggle that continues for me this day.     

And, it catipulted me many years later into my years of studying in depth the topic of Wealth and Spirituality when I undertook a Ph.D. dissertation.  There I researched what every major religion had to say about how to use money in a spiritual way.  I researched the lives of billionaires past and present to find out what these people were actually like.  And, I was asked to interview fifteen wealthy people who had a minimum net worth of 5 million dollars for ninety minutes, so they could talk to me about how they used their money in a spiritual way. Though I was sure these wealthy and spiritual people were out there, here is the irony, I went broke trying to find them!  (As one former IBM CFO told me, “Finding wealthy people who use their money in a spriitual way is like finding a needle in a haystack.  Good luck!”).   

In my research I also became super aware around 2003 of the growing gap between the rich and the poor in this world and how the United States of America was no longer a democracy (government by and for the benefit of the people), but a plutocracy (government by and for the benefit of the ultra rich).  That reality became a public fact when Michael Moore released a document by Citigroup (one of the world’s richest and largest banks) released around 2007 – 2008, where they talked openly about how they (the super rich) could get even richer on the backs of the poor.  (Rent his DVD Captialism to learn more).    

When my book BEYOND THE SECRET was released (read more about my book and what it is about at http://www.doctorlisalove.com/products/beyond_secret_book.html) just months after the book THE SECRET came out, I was on the radio as of January 2008 declaring that the economy around the world was about to collapse.  I remember some callers were furious with me.  I was a Law of Attraction teacher.  How could I say such a thing?  I was saying it based upon the teachings I wrote about in my book on how to use the law of attraction in a spiritual way.  I was saying it based upon certain mystical realizations I had experienced in 1989 that revealed to me the profound unity of all existence.  And, I was saying it based upon my my years of research from 2000 – 2005 that made me aware of the growing rule of the  plutocrats around the world. On the radio shows I spoke on, I referred people to the Dr. Suess story, Yertle the Turtle.  Yertle was a typical plutocrat (worshipper of wealth), who believed his job was to own and rule over everything he saw.  So, he stacked up hundreds of turtles so he could see more and own more.  That is until the tiny turtle at the bottom of the heap got sick and tired of it all and burped.  That is all he did and Yertle fell to the floor.    

As I asserted on the radio (and this was January 2008, just ten months before the collapse started to occur), we simply cannot have a world where 1% of the world’s population (about 7 million people) own 95% of the world’s resources, property, and wealth.  As much as they want to declare themselves rich, famous, and powerful they are simply NOT GETTING IT!  They are not getting that true wealth, true freedom, true power, comes from the capacity to LOVE and BE LOVED.   That means learning how to love everyone.  Why?  Because we are everyone.  Not only are we each a part of the world; in a very essential way we are the world.  What we do, who we are, how we live, and especially how much we do (or do not) love impacts everything and everyone around us.   

Here is one example from my life that brought that fact concretely home to me.  In the early 1990’s the Rodney King riots happened.  I stayed up all night worried because I was once again working with gang kids.  My new husband and I took a walk in the morning and he asked me, “How do we want to remember this day?”  I thought hard and went into action.  The very next day I was down in the riot zone with a truck load of supplies collected from various churches in the Orange County, Southern California town I lived in.  A small handful of us (my husband and I, a truck driver who had suddenly appeared to drive the truck, and a couple who thankfully brought along a cell phone – the archiac huge kind that very few people had in those days) arrived first at the Agape church run by Michael Beckwith.  But, we had too many supplies (donations had come in from so many churches so fast the truck was packed), so we were sent to two other churches.  One was right in the riot zone.     

The church we arrived at was closed.  Just a few blocks from it a crowd had gathered.  What I remember most was a man with a bull-horn who was saying out loud to the crowd, “Next time it’s the rich people’s homes who will go up in smoke.”  One year later on the anniversary of the Rodney King riot, rich neighborhoods in five counties in Southern California were lit up in flames.  I still reflect on if I was witnessing the seeds of that horrible destruction of property due to frustration, anger and rage that night.   

But, the larger point is this, I believe in the deepest part of my being it is time, it is way past time, to STOP our glorification of wealth.  The point of life is NOT TO GET A MILLION DOLLARS.  As I have said many times the point of life is to discover your human potential so you can OPEN YOUR HEART UP TO WHERE YOU WILLINGLY AND JOYOUSLY CAN HELP A MILLION PEOPLE.   

Now, as I write this millions of people are amassing in Egypt and more are gathering around the world.  And, here is the message I am hearing.  They are fed up!  In a very real way, they are “burping” or speaking up!  Thankfully, they are doing it in a peaceful non-violent way following the examples of Ghandi and Martin Luther King Jr.    

Well, I am doing much the same.  Once again I am pleading for all of us to stop this notion of believing success means wealth.  It doesn’t.  A month ago I watched the premier of The Happy Movie (www.thehappymovie.com) where I live in Ojai, California.  Please get it and watch it.  In the United States we say we have the right to the pursuit of happiness, yet we seem clueless as to what brings happiness in the first place.  And, guess what!  It isn’t money!  Yes, if you don’t have your basic needs met it can impact your happiness.  But, once they are met (and I am talking basic needs, not luxury needs), the more you focus on externals like outer appearances, money, and stuff the less happy you are.  Happiness is created by things such as having lots of loving relationships, being able to regularly get out into nature, having variety in life, finding ways to be creative, buildling a sense of community, practicing random acts of kindness to improve the lives of others and more!  

Look, there is nothing wrong with money or even wealth.  IF EVERY BILLIONAIRE said to him or herself (and some of them have), “I will be sure to help at least one billion people have a better life with my billion dollars” everyone on the planet (all seven billion of us) would have our basic needs met.  And, if we measured happiness based upon GROSS NATIONAL HAPPINESS (and the factors that make us happy), instead of Gross National Product (with the insane cancer like proposition that our duty in life is to consume, consume, consume until there is nothing left on the planet and we all die off trying), we could all really be happy in life.  I mean all of us.  All seven billion of us in this world.  

On a final note.  Here in the United States we like to make a big deal about freedom.  Well, I am a Daughter of the American Revolution twice over (see being a revolutionary is in my blood).  I have a famous relative, Admiral Matthew Perry, who helped fight the war during the American Revolution at sea.  So, what is it that brings about freedom?  ONE THING.  LOVE!  Got it?  It’s that simple.  Love.  Love makes us free.  Love makes us happy.  Love helps us live in a better world.   

But, to love we have to feel our connection to each other as a reality, as a fact!  I experienced that fact during a series of mystical episodes in 1989 and have struggled to understand how to implement that realization in practical ways in my life ever since.  One thing I know, what helps me, helps you.  What hurts me, hurts you.  That is why I follow the words of one of  my heroes, Brother Wayne Teasdale, when he wrote, “Live simply, so people can simply live!”   No, that’s not socialism.  It’s not a flattening of everyone down to mediocrity ville.  Rather, it is an internal ethic that the more abundance and talent we have, the MORE WE JOYOUSLY DESIRE TO GIVE OF THAT ABUNDANCE to help others realize and share their gifts and potential.  That is what creates happiness in this world.  Why aren’t we pursing it?    

Just to let you know, when I was doing my Wealth and Spirituality research I also studied philanthropy.  And, here is what I found out.  Those who were wealthy who wanted to use their wealth in a spiritual way often reversed the usual equation of giving 10% to charity that many religions promote.  Rather, like Andrew Carnegie, they vowed to give away 90% of what they had, while they were alive, and gladly lived on the remaining 10% of their wealth (which was plenty anyway).  And, it was their JOY to do so.  Why?  Because they felt their connection with everyone.  Because they lived out of an ethic of love.   

So, let’s join our hearts together.  They are doing it in the Middle East as I write this.  Why not do it everywhere?    

In conclusion, here is a video I have been playing as I write this. It says what I am trying to convey to you best of all.  It let’s you know the truth. There is so much magnificence in me, in you, in us, in the world.  Let’s get busy.  Let’s capitalize on that and find ways to let all the magnificence in all radiate everywhere around us.  

So Much Magnificence – Miten & Deva Premal

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AG-YE8IiV5U&feature=related

 Love and blessings,

Lisa

 Copyright 2011 by Dr. Lisa Love. All rights reserved.

http://www.doctorlisalove.com/ 

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Dr-Lisa-Love/48936741770

http://www.twitter.com/doctorlisalove 

Want help with the above? Check out my website: http://doctorlisalove.com/

 Or, call me for a coaching session. Learn more on at this address.

http://doctorlisalove.com/coaching.html

 FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE:

http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

 **********************************************

Feel free to Share this post on Facebook. You may also share it on other websites and Ezines provided you include everything above, the article and all the information about how to reach me via my website and pick up free gifts as well. Thank you.

*********************************************


The Bliss of Surrender – A Poem

January 23, 2011
Gently the heart opens.
For no reason, but to surrender.
To let the bliss of Spirit inside.

No desire, no wanting, no needing.
All is released.

I am here, dissolving.
Spirit is here, embracing.
Whistfully penetrating.
Joyfully penetrated.

Into stillness.
Infinite emptiness.

The mystery of Being.
The ecstasy of receiving.
That which already is, always has been, and ever will be.

Such peace in the Divine embrace.

Written 3/17/09.
Copyright 2009 by Dr. Lisa Love


Self-Acceptance

January 22, 2011
Life is a process. As the heart of life unfolds like petals before us, each of us reaches for the precious jewel at the center, the jewel of Self-acceptance. For most, Self-acceptance does not come easy. Too frequently we succumb to outer appearances, the “shoulds,” and “oughts,” and “maybes” of our own, or others expectations. Instead of embracing ourselves with loving kindness, we obsess that we have missed the mark. In the endless pursuit of perfection, we weigh ourselves in the balance, judging everything according to narrow perceptions in our minds. We are not rich enough, attractive enough, intelligent enough, skillful enough, and so forth. Frantically, we attempt to cover up, to catch up, to undue what has been done in our lives. Hoping we are succeeding, despair can beset us, realizing our efforts have only complicated a simple truth. Accept your Self.

At some time in our lives, it is likely that each of us has touched that mysterious something, known as the Self. In the midst of our pain a space is created. This space allows us to enter a point of stillness. Here, we surrender. We let go. Outwardly, life may remain the same. The debts may be mounting, the job remains unsatisfying. But, inwardly, something changes. We accept our Selves. We open up.

In the private space found within the deep recesses of our hearts, we renew trust that despite outer appearances, we are worthwhile. Like a close and intimate friend, we learn compassion is available to us without judgment or condemnation. It is not so much a matter of forgiveness, which at some level implies adjusting a perceived wrong behavior. It is reaching towards the mysterious inner revelation, where we are loved and understood so completely, we are simply accepted for who we are, with all the seeming imperfections life in this fragile world can offer us.

How potent this realization. In reaching towards the Self, we reach towards wholeness. We discover any situation has elements which can be wielded for the sake of the Divine. All mistakes, all seeming transgressions, are placed on the alter and seen in their true light. We perceive our fears, our doubts, our worries. We acknowledge each one of these represents a failure to trust the Self, to acknowledge our true identities, to embrace Self-acceptance.

Over time, we realize that pain has come from attachment. The human impulse is to control the direction of ones life. The difficulty with this premise, is that human insight is narrow. It cannot perceive the larger whole. Each time we remain ignorant of the whole, for the benefit of the part, it may bring temporary satisfaction, but ultimately it will visit us with long term suffering. This realization is the doorway to wholeness.

Take the time to examine your life’s journey. Move deeply into moments where life did not give you what you thought you wanted. The loss of a loved one. The shattering of a dream. The progression of an illness. The onset of age. The injustices and seemingly unfair moments of life. As long as we fail to allow Self-acceptance into these moments, we are caught in a cycle of pain. We grieve, and rage, and resist the truth of these realities.

Move onward. Examine the times when life bought you moments of great joy. Were they solely based upon perceptions of having “gotten something you have wished for?” Or, was there something deeper there? Something more akin to waking up and realizing that ALL human beings only get a fragment of their hearts desires fulfilled. As a collective whole one person’s fulfillment, is often at the expense of another person’s suffering. As long as we demand from life that it give us only what we believe WE want, we are revealing our darker nature. Our greed, our fears, our anxieties.

But, when we transform, when we open up, we look beyond our small lives. We see as part of the collective, it is unreasonable to insist we have it all. We change. “We” become smaller. The whole becomes greater. We open up to Love. We peer out at the timeless panorama of a midnight sky, and confess we simply do not know what is right for us to have and need. We seek to awaken to that broader perspective.

In the stillness of that moment, we touch the Self. It touches us. A sense of calm comes over us. We notice things we have long forgotten. The beauty of the sunrise. The play of light amongst the shadows. The kind words and silent prayers of others too long ignored. The great sacrifices and noble deeds too frequently left unnoticed. The tender moments for gentleness we left behind. This is what the Self would have us remember. This is what we acknowledge and accept. Life in its grace, life in its mercy, life in its joy. Surrender.

Dr. Lisa Love
Dr. Lisa Love Website

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

About Dr. Lisa Love

Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction. She is also a Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction, and Tranformational coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast! Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way. Contact me to discover what I can do for you.

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE: Go to: http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html


Misunderstandings, Assumptions, Ruined Relationships & How to Heal Them

January 22, 2011

Two lovers greatly desiring to marry suffer a tragic misunderstanding that leads to a life of bitterness and despair between them. Only too late is the misunderstanding revealed bringing about healing and a renewal of love. Such is the main story line of one of my favorite movies, Immortal Beloved. The movie is based upon the tale of famous composer Ludwig von Beethovan who factually left his entire fortune to a woman known only as his “Immortal Beloved.” As the movie attempts to resolve who might have been the love of his life, it reveals how two people who once passionately loved one another suffer a lifetime of wounded hearts due to a minor misperception that led to a major misunderstanding. One reason the movie is so powerful, is that these kinds of tragedies happen too much in so many people’s lives.

Misunderstandings. How often do they lead to minor or even major difficulties in our lives? In my own life one misunderstanding in particular had lifelong serious consequences for me. It occured between my father and I when I was in my early twenties and took decades to heal. Eventually my father and I had the courage to revisit the past and talk about the events that took place. The end result? Both of us discovered we had totally different perceptions. And, we each learned how we felt wounded because our different needs at the time were not met, leading to almost a lifetime of misunderstanding and hurt. When at last those events were revisited, we were both surprised to discover how we had seriously misunderstood each others mostly good intentions and actions. Fortunately, we learned to listen to each other, opened our hearts, got a more holistic view of what really happened, and thank God finally healed.

On a more minor note I remember a time when I was in my Ph.D. program. I had just met a fellow student who had a short haircut. I asked her if she was in the military or if it was just a persona (meaning look) she had adopted. She acted upset and for the next two years she often revealed her total dislike of me. Eventually, in a class where we were all in a group process session together, she blurted out her reason for hating me. “When you first met me you told me I had a militaristic personality! What a rude thing to say.” I was dumbfounded. When I restated what I had originally said, she was embarrassed. We didn’t exactly become friends after that, but at least there was peace between us.

These are just a few examples of how many relationships are impacted in a negative way because we don’t take the time to consider another person’s perspective, jump in and cling to assumptions, and fail to communicate in an effective and compassionate way where we can reach understanding and healing with one another. So, what can increase the odds of healing? Can these misunderstandings and ruined relationships ever work out? Though at times they may not, here are a few things that will help.

1. Table your assumptions. Unless you are willing to consider that you may have only a partial perspective, you won’t even bother to consider that there is something more you need to learn.

2. Remember there is always another perspective. The famous story of blind men touching an elephant is the classic example of this this. One man describes the elephant as having a trunk, one a tail, one stocky legs. All are right in their partial perspective, yet only as they add their perspectives together do they get a clearer picture of the whole.

3. Become more holistic. Wisdom and understanding come about from being able to see and include more than one point of view. Years ago a spiritual teacher told me, “All truth is paradox.” It is. Opening up your mind and heart to include the truth of various points of views is the basis for clear seeing (the real meaning of the word clairvoyance). But, to see clearly, we often have to move to a higher and broader perspective. Be willing to do so.

4. Find the good. If you only believe that people operate from negative intentions, you won’t find their good ones. In the incident with my father, we were both surprised to learn how good our intentions were. Sure, it is hard when you feel wounded and disappointed by someone to find their good intentions, but if you want healing, it is worth the search.

5. Heal the shadow. When negative events happen they almost always take place because someone is acting out of fear. In the Immortal Beloved movie, Beethovan’s beloved was afraid Beethovan didn’t love her. Her fear didn’t allow her to see that wasn’t the case at all. When fears raise their head, take time to counter them with a period of reflection and insight to discover what they are all about. Then, lift those fears back into love.

6. When the timing is right, communicate. Communication doesn’t have to be face to face at first. As someone who has had a significant amount of psychic sensitivity since a very young age, I know the power of prayer and silent communication. At the very least, prayer, reflection, and silent communication set up a psychic field of greater clarity and loving intent. Like a mother who is pregnant, it creates a period of gestation, or preparation. Then, when the person you are having difficulty with senses that enough clarity and healing has occured, reactive triggers will be lessened, and the person you want to heal things with will be more likely to hear you, and heal it as well.

Want help with the above? Check out my website: http://doctorlisalove.com/

Or, call me for a coaching session. Learn more on at this address.

http://doctorlisalove.com/coaching.html

Blessings and love,

Dr. Lisa Love
http://doctorlisalove.com/

Copyright 2010 by Dr. Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE:
http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html


Forgiving, Forgetting, & Boundary Setting

August 24, 2009

Is it really possible, or practical, to forgive and forget if someone is only going to repeat abusive and harmful behaviors? It is, but it requires a little more clarity on the entire process of boundary setting in conjunction with forgiveness.

In the past several years I have become even more savvy on the dynamics of abuse. I have also become aware of how abusers pretty much count on people forgiving them and forgetting about the harm they cause as a way to escape from the consequences of their destructive behaviors.

Which is why I want to draw upon the Christian teachings I was raised on. Because to me Jesus is a major example of forgiveness. Yet, when Jesus famously forgave those around him, at one point he also proclaimed, “Go and sin no more.” In other words, all of us, when we are given the blessing of forgiveness, have at the same time a responsibility to become more conscious of our destructive patterns. And, once aware of them, we need to actively move to change our behaviors so we sin (or harm ourselves and others) no more.

What about forgetting then? Though I have no idea what the roots are of the words forgiving and forgetting, it has not passed by me that the words can easily be broken into “for – giving” and “for – getting.” Looked at this way I can almost imagine acient folks looking at two people who have harmed each other, and then telling them to both step into the center of the room for the purpose of “giving” and “getting.” Or, to put it more simply for the sake of apologizing and making restitution with each other so the scales of justice (or karma) are set right.

Yet, sadly forgiving and forgetting has often turned into, “Ok, I’ll be a nice person and let you off the hook entirely. You don’t have to get conscious. You don’t have to change your behaviors. I’ll just let the whole thing go. And, you can go on being hurtful like you were before.” Quite frankly this is the fundamental reason why abusive relationships continue. Abusive people never have to suffer any consequences for their destructive behaviors. And, their forgiving spouses (who continue to ignore the abuse) end up getting hurt again and again and again.

So, what is the better way to forgive? First, it is true, when you don’t forgive you remain stuck in the past. Your thoughts spin negative. You are not able to create a more positive future for yourself. In many respects you continue the abuse cycle. Only this time instead of the other person harming you, you are harming yourself. That is why forgiveness primarily helps YOU. It helps you let go, move on, and move forward in your life free from the negative impact of the person who wounded you in the first place.

But, it is also true that forgiveness requires being able to stand in a place of spiritual power. As Jesus conveyed, now that the other person has been given a second chance, they now have a responsibility with that chance to become a better person. I am reminded of the famous play and film Les Miserables, which is a major story of forgiveness. In this tale Jean val jon steals silver from the home of the priest and is caught. Though the priest could have easily sent Jean val Jon back to the labor camps, he did not. Instead, he forgave Jean val jon. But, in forgiving him he also requested what he now wanted from Jean val jon (which was the priest’s way of saying what he would be “getting” in return). He said, “With this silver I have bought your soul for God.” Meaning he now held Jean val jon responsible for waking up, setting things right, and becoming a better human being from now on. Thank God, Jean val jon did.

As I see it then real forgiveness requires a great deal of spiritual power and spiritual perspective. To get to this point you do need to use forgiveness to heal enough to embrace more your own value and dignity as a human being. Letting go of your pain will help you get there, which is why forgiveness is a tool that mostly helps you. Once healed and free from the wounds of the past as a powerful and dignified human being, you then have the responsibility to learn about how to better protect yourself from such hurtful behavior. Then, you need to develop the capacity to set boundaries so you prevent that person from wounding you anymore. And, if you can manage it, you can even learn to develop enough spiritual power that with dignity and grace you are able to convey to the person who has harmed you, that in being forgiven, they have a responsibilty to wake up and become a better person.

With these steps everyone gives, everyone gets, and balance is restored for the good of all.

Blessings,

Dr. Lisa Love

Dr. Lisa Love Website

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

About Dr. Lisa Love

Check out my NEW BOOK: SOUL SUCCESS: How to Create Joy & Prosperity in Good Times or Bad Buy the book and receive bonus gifts at my website.

Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction. She is also a Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction, and Tranformational coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast! Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way. Contact me to discover what I can do for you.

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE: Go to: http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong. — Ghandi