Changing into Someone You Are Not – Ariel, the Little Mermaid – How NOT to Love Yourself

August 31, 2011

Is a man really loving you for you, or are you really loving yourself if you turn into a change project to become someone you are not? That is what Princess Ariel does, also known as the Little Mermaid. And, is trying to please a man by morphing into someone else she is just one more example of HOW NOT TO LOVE YOURSELF, the name of the new book by Dr. Lisa Love. Are you acting in a naïve way like Snow White? If so, learn how to stop. The book is also available as a combined text, audio, video course at DailyOM.com under the title TAKE BACK YOUR POWER AND LOVE YOURSELF

 


Playing Dumb and Naive About the Shadow Side In Life – Snow White – How NOT to Love Yourself

August 31, 2011

Ignoring the shadow side of life including in the people around you can lead you into trouble the way it did for Snow White, a woman who is an example of HOW NOT TO LOVE YOURSELF, the name of the new book by Dr. Lisa Love. Are you acting in a naïve way like Snow White? If so, learn how to stop. The book is also available as a combined text, audio, video course at DailyOM.com under the title TAKE BACK YOUR POWER AND LOVE YOURSELF

 


Pretending Problems Don’t Exist – Princess Aurora the Sleeping Beauty – How NOT to Love Yourself

August 31, 2011

Are you messing up your chances for love the way Princess Aurora the Sleeping Beauty did by sleep walking through life and pretending problems don’t exist? If so you are learning HOW NOT TO LOVE YOURSELF, the name of the new book by Dr. Lisa Love. Also available as a combined text, audio, video course at DailyOM.com under the title TAKE BACK YOUR POWER AND LOVE YOURSELF

 


Putting Yourself Last – Princess Cinderella – How NOT to Love Yourself

August 31, 2011

Are you messing up your chances for love the way Princess Cinderella did by putting yourself last in your quest for a prince? If so you are learning HOW NOT TO LOVE YOURSELF, the name of the new book by Dr. Lisa Love. Also available as a combined text, audio, video course at DailyOM.com under the title TAKE BACK YOUR POWER AND LOVE YOURSELF

Watch this video here to learn more!

 


Ending the Cycle of Hurt & Entering Into Healing

August 17, 2011

Anytime we have been hurt it is natural to want to lash out. It is also easy to blame others.  And, true some people are more unconscious, wounding, ignorant, even cruel and malicious than others.  This should not be ignored or condoned.  Yet, the main questions are, “How do we break free from hurt?” and “How do we heal once and for all?”

One excellent tool is the use of the Hawaiian Ho’o pono pono prayer, which says simply, “I’m sorry.  Please forgive me.  I love you.  I thank you.”

How in the world you might wonder can you say such a thing to people who are malicious and cruel?  That is where the healing
truly begins.  We live in an imperfect world.  Ideally, we would each be so full of love and wisdom that this would not be the case.  Love and healing would reign all around.  Yet, it does not.  Why?  Because many people are ignorant and resort to hurtful and even cruel behaviors in their attempt to “get even” regarding the wrongs they perceive have been done to them.  Or they may be trying to prove that they are superior to others and therefore deserve to oppress and punish those perceived to be “lower” than they are.

And, true.  You may be able to look at your life and say, “Who me?  What part did I have to play in all of this?  I am innocent.”  True, at some level you may be innocent.  But, one of the gifts of wisdom is growing up and being willing to
clearly see not only the beauty, but the sorrows in the world.  As you see those sorrows with an open heart, you can’t help but acknowledge and feel compassion for your own limitations and lack of awareness, or worse action when you “know better.”

That is where the magic begins.  You say the words, “I am sorry.  Please forgive me.  I love you.  I thank you.”  As you do so you watch the magic begin.  You feel all the ways that you have been blind (even at times deliberately), ignorant, preoccupied with lesser things.   You feel how all of this has contributed to the sorrows of the world.  Then, you love yourself with deep compassion for your own ignorance.

Next, you hear those words, “I am sorry.  Please forgive me.  I love you.  I thank  you” being said to you.  Imagine everyone who has ever hurt you saying these words to you over and over again.

Need help?

Here is a video of the process.  This one works best because there are no distracting images, only the words making it easier to really experience yourself saying this to someone and their saying it back to you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lil63u-xB70&feature=related

Want a vocal version?  Here is another one, but I for one find it harder to do personal work to this one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ac5SGwRPv0o&feature=related

And, a final version.  Great visuals and a nice beat to the music, but for me harder to meditate to, though interesting to experience.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqiCa3wpHC8&sns=fb

Love and blessings,

Lisa


Women Cat-Fighting Over Cheating Men & How To Stop It

August 17, 2011

Well, it’s happened again, yet another women client calling me up in tears to tell me she is the other women (or married woman) feeling hateful and upset over another woman being in her man’s life.  Tragic, but both these women have their hurt and anger misdirected.  Instead of being angry and upset with each other, they should feel pity for one another.  Then they can turn their hurt and anger where it belongs, on the jerk they are both in a relationship with who gets some sort of sick satisfaction in seeing them cat-fight over him.

Yes, both women have made an investment in the cheating man who is primarily using both of them to boost his sagging ego and to entertain himself and various parts of his anatomy, while making sure his pocketbook stays secure.  Because it is painful for these women to think that maybe this is a bad investment to begin with, they may have trouble seeing that they both have some healing work to do on themselves.  Sadly, instead of admitting they need help and healing, they find it easier to take it out on the so-called obstacle to their happiness — the other woman in the picture.

And, YES!  It is much harder to admit that the man you found so exciting and entrancing is really a jerk.  Pity the woman (yourself or the other woman) who lacks the courage and self love to get out and instead is willing to tolerate such awful treatment.

And, NO!  Just because he can abuse, lie to, and cheat on more than one woman doesn’t mean he is a good catch.  It actually means he is a really lousy one.

And, YES!  You have been duped by his so-called charming behaviors.  In fact, you have become a victim of them.  If the other woman wants to remain a vicitm, let her.  Why should you continue to put up with such behavior?

And, NO!  Leaving this jerk and letting the other woman have him doesn’t mean you will end up alone.  It means you will end up free from horrible treatment and give yourself the chance to really find a loving guy.  By the way there are loving men out there.

And, YES!  Do pity the other woman who doesn’t have the courage to say no to such awful treatment.  Offer her compassion even.  The fact is her life is hell.  She only thinks it might not be hell because she is deluded enough to believe that because her guy can dupe and abuse more than one woman, that is proof he must be  really “something.” He is, but I don’t want to say exactly what he is here.  Rather, I will play nice and encourage him to heal his own sagging ego and selfishness by getting into counseling or taking up a serious spiritual practice.  The fact of the matter is, he needs help.

And, NO!  She is not better than you, or prettier than you, or more sexy.  She is simply just as deluded as you that this guy is worth the effort.  He isn’t.  Any woman of real worth would see that, and would get out, or avoid these kind of relationships to begin with.  Now it’s your turn to do just that.  The question is where is your self-worth and how can you find it to pack up and leave and find someone who knows how to treat you a heck of a lot better?

In the meantime, I know it is hard to do the above.  That is why I am here to help you.  Just give yourself a break, have compassion for yourself, and if you haven’t gotten out of this horrible relationship, then get help with that too.  Or, if you have gotten out, congratulate yourself and pray for the other woman that she will love herself enough to get out as well. Then your cat-fight will turn into something brighter and more spiritual, it will become a light fight, as you fight to bring in the light you both need
to help each other heal.

Love and blessings,

Lisa

 

Copyright 2011 by Dr. Lisa Love. All rights reserved.

http://www.doctorlisalove.com

http://www.facebook.com/drlisalove

http://www.twitter.com/doctorlisalove

 

Want help with the above? Check out my website: http://doctorlisalove.com

Or, call me for a coaching session. Learn more on at this address.

http://doctorlisalove.com/coaching.html

 

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE:

http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

 

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Feel free to Share this post on Facebook. You may also share it on other
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and all the information about how to reach me via my website and pick up
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Women Who Stay With Men Who Cheat – Why They Should & Shouldn’t Stay

August 17, 2011

In our time we are finally moving beyond it being a good thing that a woman stands by her man when he demonstrates crappy behavior like lying, cheating, and abusing.  That is because in some countries women finally have the power, courage, and financial freedom to insist they be treated better.  Even as early as the 1970’s women didn’t have this choice, since many women who divorced were not entitled to property or custody of their children in many states in the United States if they tried to get out of
a bad relationship.

Because of the lack of choice many women were forced to stay in relationships where men acted in selfish and entitled ways thinking they had the right to put women through hell.  Of course “a good woman” would allow such abuse, suck it up, bear
it in a somber manner, and get rewarded by fellow men and women for putting up with all this crappy behavior, as if there were some spiritual merit in doing so.

Well, we don’t live in the 1970’s anymore. Even though the majority of women around the world don’t have choices (sexual slavery is rampant everywhere and is a more serious problem than the illegal drug and weapons trades combined), more and more women have a choice.  In other words, they are free to get out away from such horrible treatment.  They just don’t have to tolerate it
anymore.  (Maybe that is why the majority of divorces are initiated by women even if they know they may fall into poverty in doing so.  Yes, it really is that awful in most marriages in the United States and beyond.  What a tragic thing to consider that women would rather be alone and broke than put up with men’s crap anymore).

Ok, ok.  Women can cheat and be crappy too.  I have male clients who have suffered at the hands of some pretty awful women.  So let me set the record straight, I don’t condone crappy behavior in men or women, be they straight, gay, or inbetween.  It’s just right now I am focusing on women.  Maybe the article for men will come later. Back to my conversation about women and those who are with crappy men.

The point is in our time women have a choice.  They don’t have to stay in horrible relationships anymore.  So, why do they stay then?  Why don’t they get out?

For starters the number one reason women don’t get out is fear.  Another reason is that they are codependent.  They are also likely to have low self-esteem and are most likely being abused by their partners.  (I mean anyone who is lying and cheating in essence is also abusing.  After all abusers believe they are entitled to abuse, and that means they feel they are entitled to lie and cheat).

They may also be tied to their partner financially, have children they worry about, and have so little sense of themselves that they have long ago given up any sense of their own identities.  Instead, they live only for and through their partners, which acutally makes them intensely boring.  In fact, by allowing the cheating, lying, and abuse to continue they actually encourage more of it, which makes their partners disrespect and abuse them even more.  Tragic!

As a psychotherapist I know it is difficult to rebuild the shattered sense of self these women typically have inside them.  Usually, this can’t be done unless these women understand that putting up with lying, cheating, and abuse is not a noble act.  It is a cowardly one.  Nor, is it proof that you love your partner.  On the contrary, it is evidence that you are mostly afraid of him and that you have little to no love for yourself.

So, the answer to should a woman stay in these kind of relationships in our modern day society is HELL NO!  JUST GO!

Unless…..  and this is a big unless…. so be cautious here…. the man you are with agrees to go into at least a two year program where he will completely change his behaviors and learn to become truly loving, honest, caring and an authentic and spiritual human being.

But, wait, wait, Dr. Lisa some of you are saying.  What about the polyamory movement where people are allowing multiple partners?  Having been exposed to this movement (though I am not polyamorous and have no desire to be), here is my response.  Cheating involves LYING!  It involves HIDING!  It involves SELFISH AND ENTITLED behaviors, where MY NEEDS for
sex, adventure, variety, romance, and having my “cake and eat it too” override my partner’s needs here.  There is no “love” or “amore” in this.  And, doing it with “poly” people (that means abusing even more people) makes it even a worse case of flat out narcissism.  Period.

Unless you are being truly polyamorous (learning to love many people).  Then know this, true polyamory (which involves multiple sexual partners) is actually way more complex than monogomy, because it involves open conscious agreements between ALL partners involved.  That means they ALL know about each other, they ALL agree to it, they ALL get a say in what is going on.  Most truly polyamorous people find it to be a lot more work than monogomy.  There can be a lot of growth here, but in my own
experience too many so called polyamorous people are just trying to put a positive spin on cheating, lying, and hiding, and trying to get their partner’s to go along with it, even when in their hearts most partners (especially women) don’t want to. In this case I would call it more polynarcissism myself.

Finally, I want to say it isn’t easy for many women to leave a cheating man, though more and more are.  Fear and low self-esteem have a strong hold on too many women.  But, I am hopeful.  As we break the notion that is someone how good to stand by a lying, cheating, crappy guy we come a step closer to creating truly conscious, loving, honest relationships full of depth and meaning.
Until then, it is up to us women to stand by each other and insist that lying, cheating, and abusive behaviors END!

Love and blessings,

Lisa

 

Copyright 2011 by Dr. Lisa Love. All rights reserved.

 

http://www.doctorlisalove.com

http://www.facebook.com/drlisalove

http://www.twitter.com/doctorlisalove

 

Want help with the above? Check out my website: http://doctorlisalove.com

Or, call me for a coaching session. Learn more on at this address.

http://doctorlisalove.com/coaching.html

 

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE:

http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

 

**********************************************

Feel free to Share this post on Facebook. You may also share it on other
websites and Ezines provided you include everything above, the article
and all the information about how to reach me via my website and pick up
free gifts as well. Thank you.

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