Changing into Someone You Are Not – Ariel, the Little Mermaid – How NOT to Love Yourself

August 31, 2011

Is a man really loving you for you, or are you really loving yourself if you turn into a change project to become someone you are not? That is what Princess Ariel does, also known as the Little Mermaid. And, is trying to please a man by morphing into someone else she is just one more example of HOW NOT TO LOVE YOURSELF, the name of the new book by Dr. Lisa Love. Are you acting in a naïve way like Snow White? If so, learn how to stop. The book is also available as a combined text, audio, video course at DailyOM.com under the title TAKE BACK YOUR POWER AND LOVE YOURSELF

 

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Playing Dumb and Naive About the Shadow Side In Life – Snow White – How NOT to Love Yourself

August 31, 2011

Ignoring the shadow side of life including in the people around you can lead you into trouble the way it did for Snow White, a woman who is an example of HOW NOT TO LOVE YOURSELF, the name of the new book by Dr. Lisa Love. Are you acting in a naïve way like Snow White? If so, learn how to stop. The book is also available as a combined text, audio, video course at DailyOM.com under the title TAKE BACK YOUR POWER AND LOVE YOURSELF

 


Pretending Problems Don’t Exist – Princess Aurora the Sleeping Beauty – How NOT to Love Yourself

August 31, 2011

Are you messing up your chances for love the way Princess Aurora the Sleeping Beauty did by sleep walking through life and pretending problems don’t exist? If so you are learning HOW NOT TO LOVE YOURSELF, the name of the new book by Dr. Lisa Love. Also available as a combined text, audio, video course at DailyOM.com under the title TAKE BACK YOUR POWER AND LOVE YOURSELF

 


Putting Yourself Last – Princess Cinderella – How NOT to Love Yourself

August 31, 2011

Are you messing up your chances for love the way Princess Cinderella did by putting yourself last in your quest for a prince? If so you are learning HOW NOT TO LOVE YOURSELF, the name of the new book by Dr. Lisa Love. Also available as a combined text, audio, video course at DailyOM.com under the title TAKE BACK YOUR POWER AND LOVE YOURSELF

Watch this video here to learn more!

 


He’s Rich, She’s Hot! So What? – Beyond Appearances Towards Real Love

December 8, 2009
It’s the stereotypical trade – sex objects for success objects. Attractive women (or men) for wealthy men (or women). This barter of status (looks and wealth) is ancient and deeply ingrained in the human psyche. And, it is pitched to us as the ideal over and over again in the media (television, movies, magazines). Yet, as many wealthy and beautiful people know who have entered into this bargain (I once did it myself in my youth), it doesn’t lead to love or happiness. So, why do we keep valuing this superficial approach that in truth has nothing to do with love? In fact, when we approach people in this superfical manner, we almost guarantee that real love will elude us in the process.Of course, there is nothing wrong with being physically appealing or having lots of money. Beauty can inspire. Wealth can be used to accomplish great good. But, those with beauty and wealth know too well the chronic heartbreak that happens when people desire you only for your externals. It could even be said that those with extreme beauty or wealth have more difficulty finding real love than others do. Because they tend to be pursued more for their external value, they must have and apply more rigorous discernment to be sure they are being loved for who they truly are as persons.

And, to do so they must (as we all must) be willing to drop the focus on external qualities a person has, and shift more towards desiring the internal qualities a person posessess that can lead us to a truly joyful, happy, loved, and loving life. I am reminded for example of a dating service I am aware of (there are plenty like the one I know), that is set up primarily to accomplish the looks for wealth trade amongst potential partners. I am also reminded of my own early years where I mistakenly entered into this kind of trade and learned the hard way how it didn’t serve anybody. And, I am especially reminded of the stories I have heard now from clients for decades who fell into this external emphasis and suffered a great deal for having done so.

Now, I am a realist. I understand human nature. I am used to my clients telling me in an excited tone of voice when they meet a potential partner, “She is so hot. I could just look at her beauty all day long.” Or, “He is so rich. He has his own private plane. He owns several homes.”

But, my training and years of experience have also taught me a lot about the painful road they are traveling down. That is why when I hear these statements I sigh inwardly, knowing that sooner rather than later, trouble will be at their door.

Why? Again, there is nothing wrong with beauty. It can be very inspiring to have a partner who is physically attractive to us. And, wealth can help us accomplish a great deal of good in life if we have access to it. But, when we start out being thrilled about externals, and when we focus on what others can give us especially in the way of status, the ego has pretty much taken over. That very same ego only leads to much heartbreak down the road.

A wealthy friend of mine has a saying I would like to share with you to bring some proof. He calls it the Cindy Crawford syndrome. (She was the supermodel who was in vogue at the time he was young). What is the Cindy Crawford, or supermodel, syndrome? It’s the classic problem externally based ego driven people often face when they put the emphasis on externals like beauty.

Because they care more about the status a person brings them, instead of caring truly for the person, even if they marry a supermodel they remain discontent. That is why before too long he will be trading in a supermodel girlfriend for a new one. (Tiger Woods anyone?). Well, Tiger is not alone. And, you don’t have to have wealth to fall victim to putting the emphasis on externals, any egotistical selfish person will be prone to do so.

That is also why I take a deep breath and say a little prayer when I hear women gushing about how much money a man spends on them, or can bring to their lives. Again, I can’t blame them for being misguided. I was too at one point. I married the wrong person in a trade of my youthful looks for sizable wealth in hopes that it would bring the happiness and security I longed for. It didn’t. In fact, my brief years in that marriage were some of the most unhappy of my life. Why? Because despite his money and my looks, we were not at all compatible with each other. And, neither one of us bothered to ask the kinds of questions that I will share with you now.

Questions To Answer In Your Quest for Real Love.

1. Do I genuinely enjoy and admire this person, even if he/she were not wealthy or good looking?
2. Do we share the same vision of what we want our lives to be like? And, does that vision help to create a better world for lots of people around us?
3. Do we have a lot of things in common (after all even though opposites attract, time and again, research shows that long lasting happy relationships and marriages happen between people who are more alike than different).
4. Does this person possess integrity? Can he/she be trusted to keep his/her word?
5. Is this person free from obsessions, addictions, and abusive patterns (emotionally, physically, financially) showing they are capable of being a happy loving person, able to give that happiness and love to someone else?
6. Is this person a naturally unselfish person? Do they treat others with care and respect no matter what their status in life?
7. How does this person treat me? Forget about how much money he/she spends on me. Forget about how much he/she turns me on physically. How does he/she treat me regarding the little things in life? How good of a human being is this person?
8. Does this person value who I am mainly in terms of the service I am here to bring to the world? And, will he/she help me make the contibution with my talents I am meant to?
9. Is this person capable of making sacrifices, joyfully and willingly, especially since the ability to joyfully sacrifice for the well being of others demonstrates that this person knows how to truly love?
10. What kind of spiritual qualities does this person possess, especially in regards to being fair, truthful, compassionate, open-minded, naturally joyful, loving, and concerned for welfare of others?

Of course, there are additional questions that could be asked. But, how much more I would delight if someone would tell me, “He/she is such a good person. He/she has such a kind heart. We share so many things in common. People genuinely admire him/her. He/she can be trusted to keep his/her word. He/she treats me really well. And, by the way, he/she is my ideal of good looking. It is so much fun how he/she really turns me on. And, he/she has the financial means that allows us both use that wealth wisely to help create a better world.”

Then, I would smile with joy and wish them well. I would feel that they were learning to bless each other and this world with the presence of their real love. But, most of all, I would know that at some point, sooner or later they would not be calling me on the phone with the classic story I hear one too many times of how despite all they have in life in terms of looks, status, or wealth, they feel lonely, empty, betrayed, sad, angry, and abandoned once more because they did not get the real love they were looking for.

Yes, real love. That is what is it really all about. And, that is what I wish for them, for myself, and for the entire world.

Blessings,

Lisa

Copyright 2011 by Dr. Lisa Love. All rights reserved.

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LoveMovies! Empowerment Review of the Time Traveler’s Wife

August 27, 2009

Henry is an ordinary boy living an ordinary life until one day at age six a tragic event totally changes his life. In a car with his mother, a marvelous singer who is busy teaching Henry how to do the same, a tragic accident suddenly takes his mother away. And, in many ways, Henry is taken away as well. In response to the trauma of seeing his mother die, Henry becomes a time traveler. Randomly, throughout the next forty years of his life he leaps through time, primarily to interact with the various stages
of the life of his one great love, Claire.

On the surface time travel seems absurd. Yet, if we really look at it millions of people are time traveling every single day. Trauma victims are especially susceptible to doing this. Whenever something triggers a memory of their trauma, they simply disappear. Perhaps they disappear mentally causing them to lose track of the present moment as they drift into the past. Never fully at home, the loved ones around them are frequently left to inquire as to where they are going, since though they may be right in front of them, no one seems at home.

Or, they may disappear into various addictive behaviors. Sex, drugs, alcohol and other addictive “medications” are typical choices used to help time travelers avoid the present moment. That’s because they would rather numb out memories of the past, then face them head on. Then, there are those who disappear entirely. They simply run away from those they love, only to appear and disappear over and over again at the most inexplicable times. Some on the run do take their loved ones with them, unwittingly causing the suffering of those they love, who struggle to cope with the constant feeling
of being uprooted and having to abandon too many times the people and places they are coming to care for and enjoy.

Watched carefully it is easy to see how Henry’s constant disappearances are triggered by feelings of anxiety, fear, and memories of past pain. His greatest fear and pain is of course the loss of someone he loves. Perhaps that is why he constantly tests Claire to see, if like his mother, she will one day abandon him. Fortunately, for Henry, Claire chooses to remain a constant part of his life. But, to do so without becoming a “time traveler” herself (through escapist behaviors), she has to learn a significant lesson. She faces her traumas and losses head on. And, in doing so, she does not abandon herself.  An example of this happens when Henry returns to her after disappearing for over two weeks. Bravely, Claire refuses to cancel her plans to spend time with him. She has learned something Henry never fully seems to comprehend, to fully love another, you have to love yourself. Unlike Henry, she refuses to put the present moment on hold.

Wiser on matters of the heart and no longer codependent, Claire lives as she must.  She is no longer worried if Henry will go on the run. He has run away too many times already. So, when Henry insists that Claire refrain from having children and attempts to manipulate time to stop her from doing so, she manages to make her dream come true anyhow. Living life, not running from life, is Claire’s major priority now.

In that way, the Time Traveler’s Wife, is a love story. Though it is Claire (and later her daughter) who are the main ones who really know how to love. Henry is too chained to his early trauma, and to fear, to let much of their love enter his life. Though Henry goes to a geneticist to fix his condition, what he really needs is a good trauma therapist. In many ways that is the role his daughter attempts to take on. She too suffers loss, even the tragic and sudden loss of someone she loves. Yet, she copes in a different way. Though young, she deals with her traumas head on, processing her emotions surrounding her traumas in a more conscious and loving manner.

That’s why when Henry asks her how he can learn, as she has, to travel consciously throughout time, she tells him to sing. Why sing? Because his mother was teaching him to sing at the very moment she died triggering Henry’s trauma in the first place. Sadly, Henry let’s his fear and trauma dominate him to the very end. Though he is learning more about love, he is unable to love himself, his wife, or his daughter enough to work through his trauma in a conscious way, so he no longer feels compelled to run away.

But, as I have already said, Henry is not the only time traveler. They are all around us. Let’s pray then that with enough love and courage we can help them all live more fully in the present moment. Then, they will finally find their way back to themselves, their hearts, their homes, and those who love them.

LoveMovies! Resource Match.

Learn some great tips for coping with trauma here.

http://www.crisiscounseling.org/TraumaLoss/CopingWithTrauma.htm

Time Traveler’s Wife Movie Trailer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USUDlMBR-dQ&feature=fvw

Blessings,

Dr. Lisa Love

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love & LoveMovies!. All Rights Reserved.

LoveMovies! — A New Way of Watching & Enjoying Films!

We love movies! That’s why we invite you to imagine having fun watching a movie, while learning more about yourself and the world around you. Imagine using movies to empower you, allowing you to act in a more conscious and loving way. That’s how you can get more out of movies, and get more out of life.

Get started and learn to apply the life lessons from movies in the following main areas :

Healing — Movies that help you transform difficult emotions and situations.
Inspiration — Movies that encourage, motivate, and inspire you.
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Social Issues — Movies expanding your understanding of the world around you.

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The Time Traveler's Wife

The Time Traveler's Wife


Why REAL Love Goes Beyond Falling In and Out of Love

May 24, 2009
MAIN QUOTE

You’ll discover that real love is millions of miles past falling in love with anyone or anything. When you make that one effort to feel compassion instead of blame or self-blame, the heart opens again and continues opening ~ Sara Paddison

DR. LISA LOVE REFLECTIONS

Once upon a time a client of mine totally fell “in love” with a man who offered her much of what she wanted in life. As the relationship progressed she continued to be excited about the many connections and possibilities between them. But, all along something seemed a little off. “Do you think he is secretly married?” she had asked me. After all he would disappear for days and even weeks on end on mysterious travel trips. “Possibly,” I told her, but as we explored it together we discover this was most likely not the case. “What could it be then?” she wondered. “Is it just what he says about liking to travel a lot and not being able to take me with him?” “Doubtful,” I told her and at last we figured it out. He had a sexual addiction. My client was devasted and swung from being wildly “in love” to woefully “out of love” with this man. At least, that’s what she believed. I believed it was something different.

You see, I have a strange bias that love requires 20-20 vision. And, only when we see people clearly for who they really are can we really learn to love them. Loving people in a real way isn’t always easy. At times it can be very hard work. So, instead of nashing her teeth about “falling out of love” with her man, I encouraged her to discover how she could actually learn to love him. How does she do this? Well, not by going back into the darkness, denying his problems, and trying to overlook them so she can “work everything out.” That’s not love, that’s ignorance motivated by fear of loss and rejection. It also doesn’t help if she rages at him dumping all her hurt on him for having had her hopes and expectations for their relationship dashed to pieces. That can produce a temporary feel good, but it will end up making them both feel a lot worse.

What she can do then is open her heart, have compassion, and lovingly set up boundaries between them giving them space to sort things out. And, in that space she can take some time to use the power of love (which is the same in my opinion as consciousness) to wake up and learn. One of the first things she can learn is how an overwhelming number of sex addicts (as high as 80% or more) have been sexually abused and exploited as children. Plus, in our now overwhelmingly sexualized society, this percentage is growing and causing an epidemic of dsyfunction seriously hindering people’s ability to expeirence truly loving relationship. For more information on this read this excellent article, Sex Addiction Has Devastating Effects.

As she wakes up and get education, my client can can then take one of two paths. First, she can let go of this man in love — in real love — feeling a depth of compassion for his plight and praying that some day he will find his way out. In doing so, she has surrounded him with love enabling that love at some level (even if only energetically) to reach him. Second, if he is willing to stick it out with her and if she feels she has the strength to continue she can enter into counseling with him, insist he enter a Sexual Addiction Recovery program and they can build upon their love together.

The point is real love when we practice it does take us a million miles further. It wakes us up. It helps us to become conscious. It heals us. And, most of all it turns us into increasingly loving individuals. We neither fall in love, or out of love. We grow in love. Let’s grow in love — together.

Blessings,

Dr. Lisa Love

Dr. Lisa Love Website

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

About Dr. Lisa Love

Check out my NEW BOOK: SOUL SUCCESS: How to Create Joy & Prosperity in Good Times or Bad Buy the book and receive bonus gifts at my website.

Best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction. She is also a Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction, and Tranformational coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast! Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way. Contact me to discover what I can do for you.

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