Today, sexual images are everywhere and we live in a culture saturated in sexual themes. Along these lines a great deal is being made about Tantra Yoga which includes sexuality as part of a spiritual practice. Yet, the ultimate sexual and spiritual practice has nothing to do with the latest sexual technique, position, breathing exercise, or fad. Instead, it has everything to do with the human heart and how we care for our partner in a conscious and loving manner. Let me clarify some more.
Tantra Yoga. To begin understand that ultimately Tantra Yoga helps individuals blend and balance male and female energies in the body in a loving way. This can be done with a partner, or even as a celibate practitioner since sex was not always part of the equation. In the West, Tantra has focused mainly on sexual positions, props, breathing exercises, getting a big bang orgasm, and proving you can be detached and non-possessive in your sexual drive by having multiple partners. The end result? Better skill at the mechanics of sex and more intense orgasmic highs, but often not much progress at cultivating greater love, compassion, and understanding between the sexes, which is what Tantra is really all about.
Sex Without Spirit. Which means if you want to get clear about how to combine sexuality and spirituality you need to spot when they are not mixing real well or at all. The biggest confusion here is to equate desire and feeling desired with “spirituality.” To feel desired as a physically attractive person, or to simply desire someone to have sex with in the moment, may feel good for a bit, but it quickly wears off. People settle for this because it is better than the next level, which is dissociating during sex by going into an altered state high, or fantasizing about someone else during the act, or ignoring or abusing others as their bodies become props to satisfy your own desire, hurt, anger, or other need. It is a sad comment that the overwhelming majority of sexual experiences fall in this category. The ultimate result? Sex becomes like junk food, it doesn’t really nourish us at a deep level. Also, the body is increasingly wounded as spirit is disconnected from sexuality in this way. Eventually, people either turn off sex altogether because of this, or become sex addicts seeking the latest “sugar” fix since they are never really satisfied at a deeper level.
Spirit and Sex. The remedy to this disconnect? Simple, learn to love. This is because the most satisfying sexual experiences are the ones where you really feel valued and loved as an individual during the process. If you have ever experienced this, you know what I am talking about. This process requires depth, not breadth. It cannot be cultivated with breathing exercises, various sexual positions, or sex props like clothing, toys, or drugs. These may stimulate desire and have entertainment and variety value, but they do not bring spirit and sex together. Only love can do that. How do you bring love into the process? First, learn to love your body and soul. Respect, honor, and care for yourself. Second, practice gratitude and forgiveness. These bring back joy into your life. In short, heal your heart. Third, learn to love others. Respect, honor, and care for them. Leave judgment and criticism out the door. Especially during the sexual act, they have no place. Fourth, practice good communication skills. When communication is open, clear, and honest trust and rapport builds between partners. Fifth, relax. When you feel safe and nourished in the presence of your partner sex becomes a sacred, playful, and joyful experience. Orgasm is no longer about “achieving the big O,” performance issues, avoidance, guilt, shame, or control. Rather, it is about letting go as you feel safe enough to give and receive real loving energy with your partner.